Indigo
by cbjen
Summary: Five years after the events of ME3, Major Alenko leads an unusual crew on a mission to seek out a dangerous faction within the Alliance. Meanwhile, Shepard and Garrus attempt to raise a family as her past returns to haunt her. Explores the Indoctrination Theory a bit. Sequel to "Just a Few Broken."
1. Author's Preface

_So, a preface. This is a sequel to "Just a Few Broken," but it has a fairly different tone and intended audience. Most notably, there's a substantial subplot here that explores the Indoctrination Theory. I'm going to do my best to make the first story optional reading, as I feel this story is shaping up to be _significantly _better._

_If you're new, below is a lengthy summary (sorry) of the events of the previous story. Otherwise, feel free to jump to the next chapter._

* * *

><p><em>Dr. Kaya Cole, a twenty-five year old recent medical school graduate, was working undercover for a joint military-CIA operation, seeking to infiltrate one of the early Martian colonies sixty years before the start of Mass Effect. They suspected human trafficking and possibly unethical human experiments were occurring. Kaya is also a psychic. She was exposed to a synthetic eezo-like compound when she was twelve, following an industrial accident in Okinawa rather similar to what happened in Bhopal in its scope and devastation.<em>

_The incident killed her father with a slowly metastasizing but persistent lung cancer over the next two years, and Kaya realized her abilities shortly after his death. She moved back with her mother – Dr. Cassandra Cole – in Washington, DC. However, the events in Okinawa took a heavy toll on Kaya's psyche, which was made even worse by her sudden emergence of psychic abilities._

_At fifteen, Kaya attempted suicide during a manic episode. She was sent to St. Vincent's school in London, an international school with a reputation for excellent academics as well as top-notch psychiatric care. However, the school – as a common place for children from both military and rough backgrounds with exceptional intelligence – was also a recruiting point for several major intelligence agencies. Kaya's abilities were identified by a CIA recruiter named Cain, who brought her into the program and began training her as a teenager._

_Kaya's first real field mission was to be the mission at the Martian colony, Drake's Point, ten years later. At the time, the trip took about six months, and colonists were put into cryostasis to save resources. Someone from one of the corporations in charge of Drake's Point is believed to have identified Kaya as an agent, causing them to sabotage the colonists's ship, the Magellan._

_It's Captain Shepard and her crew – Garrus, Kaidan, James, and Liara – that find Kaya seventy years later, five years after the events of ME3. She is the only survivor of the Magellan's destruction, and her life pod remained powered and intact. Miranda uses her talents to help Kaya recover in a hospital on the Citadel, given that the technology aboard the Magellan was never intended to sustain cryostasis for so long. Then, after the Normandy has departed for a new mission, Kaya is kidnapped by a scientist formerly of Project Indigo. Indigo was the project code name for Kaya's small team seventy years ago._

_It turns out, as Jack explains when the team returns to the Citadel, that Indigo is still alive. A handful of people – thirteen in fact – were identified after the discovery of eezo to have developed talents similar to Kaya's. Jack herself is working on the project with kids at Grissom Academy. The scientist who kidnapped Kaya, Dr. Marcus, has very different ideas about where Indigo should go._

_The team rescues Kaya in Omega, where they find that Marcus has been torturing Kaya in an attempt to reveal abilities that amount to an extreme, rapid form of indoctrination. It turns out that he succeeded, as Kaya forces Marcus to shoot himself in the head after Shepard's team arrives. She repeats this horror a few days later, when the Normandy is attacked by a Cerberus crew with intimate knowledge of her cyberwarfare and stealth capabilities. As Cerberus troops are boarding, Kaya enters the mind of a Cerberus soldier and forces them to turn off both life support and their cyberwarfare suite inside the Cerberus ship. The Normandy gets away, although three Alliance soldiers are killed._

_Hackett – who is none too fond of Kaya's insubordinate tendencies – informs Shepard and Kaidan that Dr. Marcus appears to have followers within the Alliance. He instructs them to run, hiding Kaya aboard the Normandy, following the events with Cerberus. While Hackett plants intel suggesting that Kaya has gone rogue while the Normandy was docked in Vancouver, the crew continues on their normal missions._

_During this time, a romance develops between Joker and Kaya. However, it also becomes apparent that Kaya is _extremely _emotionally unstable. Marcus's interference – including implanting her with a modified biotic amp – have significantly changed her powers. While she gains biotic abilities, she also gains the ability to relive the memories of various people aboard the Normandy, and her mind tends to gravitate toward the particularly bad ones._

_After following some intel on Kaya to Rannoch, where they pick up Tali, the crew heads to Palaven to help with a Krogan-Turian peace meeting. It's shortly after this embarkation that Kasumi slips aboard the ship, revealing that she is Kaya's grand-niece and providing intel for their next step on the journey. While on Palaven, Kaya also has a seizure induced by a post-traumatic episode and a malfunctioning biotic amp. Following the seizure, she wakes up and convinces Jeff to get a drink with her on Palaven, even though she is supposed to be confined to the ship._

_Her immature display greatly pisses off the crew, especially Shepard. However, there's not much time to dwell on it, as the crew soon follows Kasumi's lead on Cerberus to London and rescues Miranda from a cell that had captured and tortured her. They follow Miranda's intel to an office in London, where Maya Brooks, recently escaped from prison, attempts to ambush them._

_Brooks is brought back to C-Sec for interrogation. She reveals that Binary Helix is behind the Indigo cell Marcus was working with, and that there are still unfriendly elements within the Alliance. When Kaya confirms that Brooks is actually telling the truth, Shepard states that she "doesn't make the same mistake twice" and shoots Brooks in the head._

_Shepard, Kaidan, and Garrus then proceed to make a deal with both the Alliance and the Council. Shepard will retire from the Normandy, turning it over to Kaidan, who will lead the vessel under both Alliance and Council authority. Kaidan will have sole jurisdiction over Kaya – who both the Alliance and the Council want badly for her power – in an attempt to keep her out of any unsavory hands while keeping a diplomatic peace. Eventually, both sides agree to his terms, including Kaya's honorable discharge from the military._

_The story ends with Joker and Kaya in the XO's cabin aboard the Normandy. Joker is still upset with the Spectres for brokering a deal that places Kaya in the line of fire, particularly given her extremely fragile mental state. However, Kaya finds herself looking forward to new adventures, and reflects that she has gained more than she's lost in the overall experience._


	2. Homecoming

Kaya giggled, exchanging a look with Liara.

"Shepard," Liara said softly, "you need to calm down."

"Windows open? Or closed? The wards just don't _look _like the best place for a kid, you know?" Shepard mused, pacing the length of the living room. "And should we clear out the bar? The bars? Maybe that looks bad."

"Shepard," Kaya said more forcefully. "The apartment is spotless. You and Garrus look freaking adorable. _And you've already signed the damn papers. _They're not going to deny freaking Captain Shepard and _Councilor_ Vakarian the right to adopt at the last minute because you enjoy the occasional drink."

"Well, _you _weren't at that one party we threw right before hitting the Cerberus base," Liara mused.

"No, but I remember it all the same," Kaya said with a smile. "Makes me glad I get to meet Grunt, finally. 'Are you a wizard?' Ha!"

Liara looked confused for a moment while Shepard snorted. Kaya crossed her arms victoriously.

Upstairs, Jeff and Kaidan were giving a similar pep talk to Garrus. Jeff was even espousing wisdoms he had borrowed from Kaya, such as _you've already nested _and _don't worry, you can't mess them up any worse than you did with us._

"You're going to be amazing parents, Shepard," Kaya insisted. "These will be two of the best-cared for kids in the universe. Sure, their aunts and uncles will be mercs and thieves and assassins. But it will just give them a very … _well-rounded _outlook on life."

"Oh god, not helping."

The doorbell rang then, and Kaya thought she would have felt the happy couple tense up _without _her psychic powers.

"Just get through this, and then everyone will be here for the party," Liara said quietly.

"Seriously, Liara? Not. Helping."

Shepard turned on the video monitor to see a severe looking young, female turian holding two six-year-old children by the hand. One was a turian girl, without any facial markings, and the other was an Asian-skinned boy who Kaya was _pretty sure_ was Japanese. They looked just as terrified as Shepard while she buzzed them up.

Garrus came down the stairs, dressed in the civilian clothes Kaya still found herself getting used to. Kaidan and Jeff were close behind. Kaidan looked exhausted by the whole affair, while Jeff was grinning. Kaya looked over to see Kaidan's concerned expression mirrored on Liara's face and shook her head.

"Seriously, guys, lighten up," Kaya insisted. "Kids are like wild animals. They can smell your fear."

_They didn't know their names. Two children found in the rubble on different planets, in the smoking aftermath of the worst war anyone in living memory had seen. And no one had given them names. Now they were Ashley and Anderson. Ash and Andy. Two people I only know through other people's memories, but two people who deserve this honor more than anyone else. Two people I really wish I had gotten to meet in person._

Garrus linked his arm with Shepard's and opened the door. Kaya was not sure who was leaning on who more for support.

_Reapers? Sure, bring them on. Cerberus troops? They'll take them down by the dozen. But two six year olds? Full retreat._

Kaidan shot her a look that very much said _knock it off, _and Kaya realized she had been projecting.

_Aye aye, Major._

He narrowed his eyes at her, and Kaya found herself _quite _grateful that the Normandy didn't follow a traditional chain of command.

The turian woman came walking down the hall toward them, and Kaya caught Kaidan's gaze again with a jerk of her head. This should be a private moment. She grabbed Jeff's hand, while Kaidan grabbed Liara's. They retreated into the kitchen, close enough for moral support but far enough away to give the new family space to breathe.

When the turian woman – Sonya – had retreated, each Shepard-Vakarian had a child of the opposite species in their arms. Kaya smiled warmly at them as they walked to the kitchen, happy to see something going right for a change. They were just so damn cute.

_Man, if Shepard was annoyed at how often she was in the vids before._

Garrus was stumbling to find words, until Shepard finally rescued him with, "That's your Auntie Liara and Auntie Kaya. That's Uncle Kaidan and Uncle Joker." Kaya laughed, trying to funnel her amusement at the phrase 'Uncle Joker' into a friendly gaze. "This is Ashley. That's Anderson."

"We are very, very excited to meet you," Liara said softly, her blue eyes exuding a kindness and warmth that would soften a damn varren's heart. Kaya should have guessed she would be good with children.

The human boy – Anderson – turned his face away, hiding against Garrus. But Ash looked straight onward at Liara, studying her with piercing blue eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Auntie Liara," she said in a quiet, high voice.

Andy looked back their way, apparently surprised to hear his new sister speak. "Are we home now?" he asked.

* * *

><p>By the time party guests started arriving several hours later, Shepard had dressed the children in new clothes. A simple blue button down shirt with grey trousers for Andy and a red dress for Ash. After asking her permission, Garrus had painted Ashley's face with his blue clan markings. Andy had gotten upset at that, so now the children both wore identical blue markings. Kaya thought it oddly appropriate, even if no other Turian was likely to see it that way.<p>

Garrus's sister Solana arrived first, around noon. She had meant to make it to the main event, but her shuttle from Palaven was delayed. She was noticeably irritated, but she stowed those feelings with grace upon seeing the children.

''Gar, they're beautiful," she said, bending down to touch her forehead to that of each child. "I brought you both something."

Sol pulled out two toy sniper rifles from her bag, leaving Kaya to snicker at what passed for acceptable by Turian standards. (Of course, back when she was a child on Earth, guns were practically outlawed for civilians. Toy guns were almost as rare. Humanity's violence seemed to have ticked up a bit since first contact.) The children seemed pleased with their new toys, anyway. Jeff set up a shooting range for them with empty beer bottles out of the recycling bin.

"You had better hope social services hasn't put up cameras," Kaya muttered under her breath.

They settled into an uneasy afternoon, with Shepard constantly worried that at any moment she would say the wrong thing or make the wrong motion, losing Ash or Andy's trust forever. Kaya was glad Liara had suggested the moral support. Kaya had her own doubts, thinking this was surely something meant to be more private. Or, at least, maybe just Kaidan and Liara should join up with Sol and the new parents. But, Liara had insisted, and Kaya now saw why. Every time a doubt passed over Garrus or Shepard, Kaya was there with a pointed look or tug on the sleeve or bump of the hip that said _"Stop."_

As the day wound down and evening arrived, Justicar Samara was the first guest to the party. Kaya had been looking forward to meeting the strange asari, even if most of the old crew – hell, most of Shepard's own squad – was scared of her. Shepard herself held a friendly respect for the Justicar, and Samara's admiration for the Commander was palpable as she entered the apartment.

When Samara's attention turned to Kaya, things were … strange. Samara's honed abilities allowed her to read people almost as well as Kaya could. The two studied each other for a long time, wordless, as everyone else in the room except the children grew uncomfortable. There were almost a thousand years of memories to sift through on Kaya's end. After a few minutes, Samara gave Kaya a small smile, a gesture the human gratefully returned.

"Falere sends her regrets about not being able to come," Samara said, "but she was very happy to learn about this."

Vega walked in unceremoniously a short time after with a "Hey, Lola! Scars!" before settling in to help with the impromptu shooting range. Kaya supposed she should not be surprised to find he was good with children.

Then the guests started arriving with shorter intervals between them, until Kaya had completely lost track of who she had and had not introduced herself to. It seemed like everyone who had ever haunted the Normandy's empty corridors – all the ghosts of squad mates who had long since moved on, one way or another, before Kaya joined up – was there.

Bakara and Wrex brought their own children – a fraction of them anyway, the one's who had behaved, according to Bakara – and Kaya was left wondering how she could be so clueless as to how absolutely adorable krogan children were. Their arrival softened the fear and apprehension still clinging to Ash and Andy in the corner.

Kaya stayed close by Jeff's side throughout the night. Parties had never been her forte. Too much noise. Too many secrets streaming through the air. It was a little different here. The people were closer, more open. They had been through hell and back together, and they _generally _weren't trying to sleep with each other.

Kaya caught up with Tali a little. Kaya still wished Kaidan would ask the quarian to come aboard the Normandy. He insisted that she was building a life on her home world, and it was rude of him to interrupt. Maybe he was right. Tali wanted to come, true, but she wouldn't bring her paramour aboard the Normandy. That wasn't fair to at least one person involved.

Kaya met Samantha, Steve, Zaeed, Jacob, and Grunt in turn. She felt Kaidan considering recruiting Traynor and Cortez from across the room, although he did not place enough trust in the other three. Kaya found herself annoyed by his caution, even if it was logical. Sure, their loyalties might be to Shepard, but any one of them would happily serve on the Normandy again if he just asked.

As interesting as the crowd was, Kaya found herself curled up on the floor with Ash at the end of the night, reading from a children's picture book Liara had brought about the Protheans. She had tried looking around for Kasumi first – her grandniece said she would be there – but Kaya had been unsuccessful in locating her in all the mental noise.

Jeff walked over with an extra beer and sat down as Ash was falling asleep, leading them to one of the silent conversations they had taken to having so often lately aboard the Normandy.

_"I'm not sure I like the baby-crazy look in your eyes."_

_"Psh. They're adorable. You think so too."_

_"Yeah, but I'm not thinking about my biological clock."_

_"What the hell makes you think that I am?"_

_"You've used the term 'ovaries exploding' at least ten times tonight."_

_"It's an expression."_

_"Uh huh."_

_"Jeffery Moreau, if I was thinking about having children, I'd let you know."_

He raised an eyebrow at that matter-of-fact tone in her thoughts.

_"As in, if you were thinking about having children with me?"_

_"No, if I was thinking of jumping Daniels next time I'm down in engineering."_

_"Man, Gabby would murder you. And you're deflecting. How do you deflect with your thoughts, by the way? You need to teach me."_

_"Hah! As if I would ever give you that advantage."_

_"Still deflecting."_

_"Do _you _want children?"_

His brow furrowed at her change to a rather serious tone. She could see him reading her face, trying to figure out exactly what every subtle muscle movement said.

_"Are we talking about right now?"_

_"Jeff."_

_"Yeah. Some day. Do you?"_

_"I … I didn't used to think so. But, maybe. With the right person. At the right time."_

_"So, is this the wrong person or the wrong time?"_

She thought about making a smart remark, but there was something serious in his eyes that made her hold her tongue. Figuratively speaking. Instead she set down her beer and took his hand.

"Come read with us. We're reading all about how the Protheans built their great cities and helped save the galaxy," Kaya said aloud in a high voice, the voice she used to reserve for children in the pediatric wards.

_"Deflecting," _Jeff's voice rang in her head. But, he seemed to let it go.

"All right. Oh, man," Jeff laughed, turning to Ash. "I wish your Uncle Javik could see _this. _'Primatives. In my cycle, we did not draw pictures for our children that glossed over important details.' They got the armor down pretty good, though."

Ashley laughed a little at Jeff's ridiculously overdone impersonation of a Prothean accent.

_"Yeah, but what did I say about asking questions you already know the answer to?"_


	3. Matriarch

Kaya woke upon the floor of the loft above the living room, curled up next to Jeff. How she had gotten there was a little fuzzy. She was pretty sure the original plan was to return to the Normandy. Her abnormal biotics provided great protection from a hangover, but they didn't stop the alcohol from inhibiting memory formation.

Based on all the holes left, she was guessing there had been _a lot _of alcohol involved last night.

_Oh god. That had been a dream, right? There hadn't really had a serious discussion about having children._

She smelled coffee down in the kitchen, and Kaya remembered that she had put a huge tray of French toast marinating in the fridge the afternoon before. She untangled herself from Jeff, very carefully trying to let him sleep. _He _was not immune from hangovers, and Kaya had a feeling she would be listening to him bitch about it when they departed later that evening for Ilium.

Kaidan was downstairs, apparently the only one awake. He poured her a cup as she tried to mentally assess everything. Garrus and Shepard were in their bedroom. The children – human, turian, and krogan – were asleep in the kids' room. Liara was in the downstairs bedroom, leaving Kaya to wonder how _they_ had claimed a bed. Wrex and Bakara were in the childrens' room as well, sleeping upright against each other. Solana, Kasumi, and Tali were scattered on various couches.

Everyone else had apparently left during the night, although Kaya never remembered saying goodbye.

"That probably got out of hand for a children's party," Kaidan said sheepishly, handing her the mug.

"Thanks, boss," she said with a laugh, walking over to the fridge and pulling out the baking trays. "But, come on, like with all life events the party is never really meant for who we say it is. Maybe with the exception of birthday parties."

"What do you mean?"

"Weddings are for your parents. Baby showers are for the mom. Stag parties are for your drunken, stupid friends. Even religious holidays – you don't really celebrate Christmas for baby Jesus's sake."

He shrugged, saying only, "You _would_ make breakfast ahead of time. Weren't you supposed to be on the Normandy? I believe your exact words were 'enjoying the silence.' Thanks for that mental image, by the way. I used to sleep on that bed."

Kaya laughed, unable to bring herself to talk about all the mental images she had of him and Liara. Hers, unfortunately, weren't mere figments of an overactive imagination. For the most part.

Instead she chose to ignore that last bit. "I'm selfless like that. And I was going to ask you to bring back any leftovers. When we left last night. Which apparently didn't happen."

She turned on the oven as Garrus walked in. "I don't remember inviting either of you to stay the night."

"There's a litter of krogan in your kids' room. We're the least of your worries," Kaya quipped.

Garrus only groaned. "I noticed. Of course it's not enough that I have to deal with Wrex and his damn krogan expansion at work. No, they have to take over my house, too."

"The kids seemed like they were assimilating well," Kaya noted, deciding to change the subject off work. She noticed it always put Garrus on an uneasy edge lately. The Primarch apparently disagreed, but Kaya felt General Vakarian was far better suited to battle than politics. He wasn't _bad _at it, he just didn't particularly like it.

"I wish I could stay longer. I feel like there's something I could do to help," Kaya added.

"I do recall you having veto powers over the Major's mission choices," Garrus said. "Alenko gave the last turian councilor a mild stroke over that one."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow expectantly at her. She had yet to exercise that particular power in the six months since the Normandy had transferred to their unusual command. It did not really feel right, telling Kaidan where he could fly his own damn ship. Then again, he had surprised her by taking her unorthodox rank as Executive Officer quite seriously, frequently consulting her on tactics and personnel.

Of course, he had also taken it seriously by giving her almost all of the paperwork. Ass. Here she was trying to do some _serious _continuing education hours with Dr. Chakwas, and she kept having to fill out personnel reports every time someone got shot. She would need to try Shepard's suggestion to make a template.

"Nah. I've never actually been to Ilium. Or, you know, I've never been allowed to disembark there," Kaya answered, remembering back to her time running from mad scientists with murky Cerberus connections. "Kind of surprising, really, when you think about our line of work. But, I'm hoping to get some shopping done."

* * *

><p>Kaya got a late lunch with Kasumi at a fancy new Asari restaurant on the Presidium after catching a vid and spent a little time at the shooting range with Garrus trying out some pretty amazing new Spectre-grade weaponry. She was going to have to sweet talk Kaidan into purchasing that pistol. Kaya had seen the expense reports. The Alliance and the Council kept throwing money at the Normandy, in some bizarre attempt to bribe its captain.<p>

By the time she met up with Jeff for dinner at their favorite sushi restaurant, Kaya didn't feel nearly as well rested as she would like at the end of shore leave. She was reconsidering her veto powers.

"You okay?"

Kaya stretched out her shoulder almost involuntarily.

"Call me crazy, but spending the afternoon holding a sniper rifle tends to make me kind of tired," she said as he walked in behind her.

Heads turned as they were escorted to their table in front of a sizable line. Kaya still hadn't gotten used to _this, _to dating an interstellar celebrity. Fortunately, no one had caught on yet to the fact that Kaya Cole existed, but their stares made her long for the Normandy.

"You know, I'm pretty sure the girl I met eight months ago would _never _spend one of her free afternoons doing combat training," Jeff chided.

"No, she wouldn't," Kaya said. She wasn't sure whether or not to laugh. "But if there was a line of past me's, all of them aiming to give present-day-Kaya a piece of their mind, she would have to head to the back of the queue."

"Oh, and what would these past Kayas take issue with?"

"Dating a military guy, for starters. Hell, just dating a guy with a beard," she said with a smile. He grabbed at his stubble self-consciously, and she reached a hand across the table to touch his cheek. "Relax. I changed my mind about more than just heavy weaponry."

Jeff took the wine list from the waiter as Kaya looked around. She was taking in the scenery: the dim romantic lighting, the impeccably attentive wait staff, the clientele. Mostly the clientele. Kasumi was hovering, cloaked, over by the bar.

_"Kasumi Goto. Stop spying on your grand aunt and her boyfriend."_

_"You wound me, Auntie. I'm meeting a friend."_

Kaya sighed with exasperation and let her be, but only because the thief was _actually _telling the truth for once.

"Stop spying on everyone and let them enjoy their dinners," Jeff said across the table, misreading her expression.

_And turn your attention to me._

She picked up the menu in front of her, a smile playing at her lips as she said, "You look nice, by the way. What's up with the suit?"

"I'm not allowed to want to dress up for a date with my girlfriend?"

"You? I couldn't get you to wear a suit at Kaidan and Liara's damn engagement party. You're not going to propose, are you, Mr. Moreau?"

She could feel Jeff across from her as she stared resolutely at the menu with a smirk, thrown by this off-hand suggestion on a subject they had been very carefully dancing around for a while now. Not that they were anywhere close to _actually_ getting married. And neither of them were the sort to get caught up in what a piece of paper said, anyway. But, considering the fact that the two spent most of their waking hours together, the lack of _any _conversation was conspicuous.

If Kaya was reading him right, though – and she always was – that deliberate omission was a bit of a charade.

* * *

><p>As Jeff settled up on the bridge, running pre-flight checks, Kaya was stowing away some last minute purchases in her cabin. She was about to collapse down on the bed for a quick nap when Kaidan's voice came over the comm.<p>

"Kaya, are you ready for our briefing?" She didn't respond for a moment, wondering if she could pretend she was not yet aboard. _"Kaya."_

She did not have to be in the same room as him to hear the warning under this words. _Kaya, I've given you a long leash here. I'd appreciate you not abusing it._

"I haven't abused it," she responded out loud. "Not once, and you know it. I'll be right up."

Kaidan didn't say anything more, but she could feel his discomfort over the comm. Kaya would think her C.O. was used to her skipping the verbal pleasantries and jumping to the point by now, but it still grated on him. It grated on everyone, Jeff included, if she was being honest.

"I hope you have something black-tie appropriate," Kaidan said when she entered the Captain's Quarters. He looked thoroughly distressed by the prospect.

"Yes! I was wondering when we were going to have a _proper _moment of espionage," Kaya said.

Kaidan ran his fingers through his hair in annoyance. Kaya noticed that his temples were beginning to gray just as much as hers, although _his_ stress-induced metamorphosis was a bit more age appropriate.

"We believe there's going to be an assassination attempt on an asari matriarch, someone high up in the government of Ilium," Kaidan explained. "I'll forward all of the details to you. Put together an abbreviated dossier for James. We're to attend a party being held by the matriarch. Hopefully my presence will startle without scaring them away, and you can move through the crowd undetected to find the assassin _and_, we hope, whoever hired him or her."

Kaya briefly remembered Shepard tracking down a different assassin on Ilium. His target had deserved a good clean death then, and Kaya wondered what this asari matriarch had done to earn someone's lethal ire.

"So just me and you? That's a nice change of pace," Kaya noted.

"Vega's coming, too. He'll have your six," Kaidan said.

"Vega's not exactly going to blend into the background," Kaya said.

"No. But that's not necessarily what we need. And _you _need an invitation without being my date. An Alliance N7 graduate who served with Commander Shepard won't raise any eyebrows. Not too many, anyway."

Kaya sighed. "He's going to be absolutely insufferable, isn't he?"

"Probably," Kaidan said, holding out his suit in front of him with a look of disdain. "Suit up. We're cutting it close on making it to Ilium in time to be fashionably late."


	4. Library

Shepard ran her fingers over the spines of the books – the _paper _books – wondering where the hell Kaya had found so many. _The Chronicles of Narnia. Harry Potter. Winnie the Pooh. The Lion and the Mouse. My Neighbor Totoro. Kaguyahime. The Littlest Prothean. Primarch Victus Goes to Palaven._

Shepard chuckled at the last one. Kaya had collected a damn library of children's literature from every major planet in the galaxy. She had left a datapad filled with instructions, too. Summaries of each story. Which were age appropriate right now, which should wait for later.

There was a _suggestion _at the top of the list that Shepard and Garrus read them all on their own.

_"Your respective knowledges of Earth and Palaven literature are sorely lacking. –K.C."_

"A very thoughtful gift," Solana said behind her. "From Garrus's stories I had not expected to be very fond of Kaya. I was happy to be proven wrong, or to at least see another side of her."

Shepard smiled. Kaya had … matured since serving under her aboard the Normandy.

"You'll have to give Kaidan the credit for that one," Shepard said, stowing the datapad away in the bookcase. "When we struck our odd arrangement with the Council, she was a lot more rough around the edges."

"That's one way to put it," Solana said mildly. "Insubordinate and reckless might be better suited terms."

_Spoken like a true Turian._

"She was dealing with a lot," Shepard explained, a little surprised to hear herself defending some of Kaya's behavior.

"Any Turian officer would have thrown her in the brig after that outburst on Palaven."

"Oh, trust me, I thought about it," Shepard said with narrowed eyes. "Unfortunately, the Normandy doesn't actually have a brig. Don't ask me. It was jointly built with _your_ people."

Garrus called out from the living room, "What are you two talking about behind my back?"

"We were discussing your rather interesting ex-Lieutenant," Solana replied.

Garrus groaned from the other room, leaving Shepard to guess that this was not the first time the subject had been broached.

"And I take it the words 'insubordinate' and 'reckless' made it into the conversation?" he asked from the other room. "Sol, she had her entire childhood stolen away by one injustice after another."

Shepard had always found this particular soft spot interesting, leaving her to wonder what exactly Kaya had done to get under her husband's plating. It seemed most of the old crew – particularly Jack and Vega – had the same strange blind spot. Shepard had mulled over the possibility that Kaya had _indoctrinated _them on more than one occasion. But she suspected it had more to do with their role in training Kaya. Even Jack had expressed respect for Kaya's stubbornness on the training ground, no matter how much the doctor whined about it later.

"Actually, Sol was saying that Kaya had surprised her," Shepard said, walking back into the living room.

Garrus was playing on the floor with Ash and Andy, helping them build a tower out of some holoblocks. Shepard laughed silently at that term Kaya had used: exploding ovaries. It did seem fitting, given how the situation made even _Archangel _look quite adorable in his new role.

"I see what you mean about her moods being … fluctuating," Sol explained. "Even when significantly intoxicated, she proved herself to be quite graceful and kindhearted last night. It was not what I was expecting."

"Then again," Shepard mused, "pretty much anyone would look graceful next to a few drunken krogan."

A light flashed on the screen next to the front door. "Councilor Li is on vidcomm," the VI said.

Garrus grumbled something unintelligible before saying, "Send it to the study."

"I thought you were supposed to be on vacation," Sol said.

"Technically, I'm working from home," Garrus corrected her, standing up. "A Councilor's job is never done, as I'm learning. Hopefully this won't take long."

* * *

><p>When Garrus returned, he passed Shepard a very meaningful look. Shepard put down the model Normandy – a gift from Joker – she had been flying around Andy's head with an impersonation of the ship that would make Tali proud. She set it down, gently, saying, "Okay, now it's your turn, private."<p>

"Sol, we'll just be a minute," Shepard said, standing. Andy grabbed at the hem of her pants. "I'll be right back, I promise."

She walked over to Garrus in the kitchen, finding herself reflecting on how _different_ her two new children were. Anderson had opened up much faster than expected, for all his shyness yesterday morning. Ashley was harder to read. Shepard could see how the struggles of her young life had made her much older than her six years. More importantly, they seemed to have imparted a severe mistrust of everyone around her.

Shepard knew that game. She had put up the same walls after Mindoir. But that knowledge of what was ahead made the battle only more daunting.

As she approached Garrus, there was a fire in his eyes that Shepard certainly recognized but had not seen in a long time. It worried her.

"I have to go meet with the rest of the Council immediately," Garrus told her. "Li just gave me an update on some very … _interesting _information."

"Oh?"

"An anonymous inside source just sent a mountain of data to the Council," he said in a rough whisper. "It implies that the Indigo faction in the Alliance Admiral Hackett was afraid of is still very active, and they're definitely planning something. It sounds like they've been working with data Dr. Marcus sent them on Kaya."

"Damn it."

"We still need to work on verifying all of this. It's also of note that Agents Van Dyne and Malik just went dark. They were the other two Indigo field agents."

"Should we call Kaidan?"

"No, not yet," Garrus sighed. "It sounds like Councilor Li had some doubts about the veracity of it all. Of course, she's biased. I wouldn't want to believe the Turian Hierarchy was up to something this devious, either. I'm sorry to leave like this, but you've seen what Kaya can do. If this is true–"

"Then someone in the Alliance is trying to take a distinctly Cerberus-like route toward building an army," Shepard finished. "And that deserves your full attention. Don't worry, Sol and I will hang out for a while. So much for that paternity leave, though, huh?"


	5. Cobalt

Kaidan had never _really _found himself sexually attracted to Kaya. She was beautiful, to be sure. Heart shaped lips and blue eyes and a slender frame. There was something about the way her eyes _danced _over people that was almost disquieting, especially if one actually _knew _what she was doing. But, absent that realization, he supposed it made her appear observant and mysterious. Yet, the first time Kaidan had seen Kaya, she had been half-dead coming out of cryostasis. The second time, she had been heavily scarred, with Lichtenberg figures running up her skinny legs and frail-looking arms as mascara-stained tears ran down her face.

There was no way Kaidan could spare a thought to physical attraction, not for someone who looked so physically weak and emotionally broken. Then, even as she recovered, Kaya had ended up more like a little sister than anything else. Kaidan could not say he had ever thought of any other member of Shepard's crew that way. Maybe Tali, but she had also blown two of Fist's thugs into the air with a proximity mine the first time they met. It was a bit hard to act the big brother after seeing that. But with Kaya, it was easy. Natural, even. Right down to the way she liked to push his buttons and disobey his less important orders.

But, tonight, Kaidan could see why his men's heads always seemed to follow her for a half-second too long up in the CIC. She swept out of the elevator in a bright blue, floor-length dress that nipped in at the waist before flowing outward in all directions like a flower. Her hair was gracefully pulled up, and a glittering necklace rested in the hollow of her throat. The color picked up different notes in her eyes, made them more violet than usual.

"Let's make this quick," she said. "Jeff just saw me, and I'm pretty sure he's considering a mutiny just to keep me aboard."

"What happened to our little discussion about _mental images, _Kaya?" Kaidan said, tugging at the ends of his suit jacket.

Kaya appeared ready to snap back with some witty retort, but she held her tongue as her eyes danced. Instead she simply offered, "You clean up good, soldier. Sir."

He narrowed his eyes and saw her catch his warning. _Not on the bridge, Kaya._

Kaidan sighed with exasperation. He hated these kind of missions almost as much as Shepard. "Let's just get this over with."

* * *

><p><em>Dios mio.<em>

"Go ahead. Keep following that line of thought," Blue warned, squeezing his arm. "I'm sure it won't get you in any trouble."

James Vega found himself willing to risk a little trouble. He would never _actually _make a move on her. (After all, he had been training her on how to take down guys three times her size, and Vega was a pretty good teacher.) But he smirked down at Blue as she rolled her eyes and gave up on trying to dissuade him.

It was the little things.

"Come on, Blue, I don't mean anything by it," he said, sliding his arm around her waist as they entered the party.

"He says, checking out my ass," Blue noted.

"Well, we _are _supposed to look like a couple."

"Uh huh."

"Behave you two," Kaidan said under his breath, walking slightly ahead of them.

Vega could not help smiling at the _major _being the bait, and he saw Blue sharing his amusement with a mischievous grin.

"You better not be hitting on my girl," Joker said over the comm, having missed the little discussion that had just occurred with their comms on mute.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Vega said, flashing her a roguish grin. "Don't worry, Joker, I'm too busy checking out the scenery. I've always had a thing for the Asari."

"Yeah, well tell then Kaya to keep it in her pants, too," Joker said.

"Jeffery Moreau!" Blue hissed.

Kaidan turned to glare back at the two of them, "What part of _covert operation _didn't quite click with you three? And do I want to know what the hell you're talking about, Joker?"

"No, sir, you do not," Blue said through gritted teeth as Joker laughed on the other end of the comm.

Kaidan broke off from them, heading toward their left flank. Vega and Blue went to the right.

"So you've got a thing for the Asari, huh?" Vega said as they walked up to the bar. "One more thing we've got in common."

"I'm trying to work here, James."

"So am I, but that doesn't mean I can't get to know my coworkers," Vega said.

"It's less of Kaya having a thing for the Asari and more of her having boob-envy," Joker chimed in over the comm.

"Jeff. Trying. To. Work. Here," Blue said, blushing. _Payback's a bitch. _"Not helping."

"Seriously, guys? We can go do a team building exercise later. What's your read on the room, Kaya?" Kaidan said, turning away from a little mingling with a Salarian.

"Kind of a lot of voices here, especially with these two idiots in my ear. Give me a minute, Major."

Blue took a drink from James – just a tea-like drink the Asari were fond of – as she looked slowly around the room. Her eyes flitted up to the balcony and her brow furrowed.

"There are more than a few people here with some interest in taking out the matriarch, but no one who _actually _intends to kill her," Blue said. "But the night is, rather unfortunately, young."

"What the hell did she do to piss so many people off?"

"Vega, do you _ever_ read the dossiers I send you?" Blue asked, exasperated, as she looked to her glass. She seemed to be longing for something a little bit stronger.

"That's what I've got you two idiots for."

"What was that, marine?" Kaidan asked quietly from the other end of the room.

"I'm just playing, _sir_. I know about the information broker stuff," Vega reassured the major. "What I don't exactly get is why the Alliance is involved."

"You skimmed it," Blue said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, yeah. Have you ever _read _one of your dossiers, Blue? They're damn novels."

"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that," Kaidan said.

"Matriarch Nariaya has done a hell of a lot of work with Alliance Intel," Blue said, curtly ignoring him. "She's saved lives. Sometimes at the cost of her own people. Actually, that's part of why so many people here dislike her. You know, you would really think after the almost-apocalypse, these petty grudges would die down."

"Yeah, keep on dreaming there, Blue."

* * *

><p>Kaya was dancing with Vega when she heard it. There was a slow song playing, so she tried to just keep following his lead as she honed in.<p>

"What've you got?" James whispered in her ear.

"Balcony. My two. Looks like she took the bait. Hold on a sec."

_Damn spectre. That was not part of the deal. No way they're paying me enough to take down that human brat._

"Asari in the red dress. I don't think she sees us, but I need Kaidan to keep her attention. Don't scare her off. ... She's calling her client to see how much they're willing to up her compensation for taking you out."

"Is she working alone?" Kaidan asked.

"Tonight? Yeah, looks like a solo artist."

"Stay where you are. Vega?"

"On it boss."

Kaya and James separated, and Kaya went to make her way to the edge of the dance floor. Her heart was pounding in her chest, but she tried to blend in with the crowd. Still, Kaya did not think she had gotten very good at this part, at looking calm in the middle of the oncoming storm.

Suddenly, someone was taking her hand.

"May I have this dance?"

She recognized him immediately, of course. Kaya had carefully familiarized herself with every dossier Kaylee Sanders and Liara forwarded over on Project Indigo.

But Agent Alexis Van Dyne still managed to take her by surprise.

_"I don't exactly know how you're doing this … this blocking thing. But I am in the middle of a fucking mission right now."_

_"I know." _He tapped his temple with two fingers, a devilish smile on his lips. _"You're less likely to tip her off if you're blending in properly. So I ask again, may I have this dance?"_

_"If you're here to screw this up or worse–"_

_"I'm here to ask for your help, Dr. Cole."_

Kaya studied his eyes, dark with flecks of green and giving _nothing _away behind them. It was distinctly jarring. Her telepathic sense told her he was _dead. _Empty, like so many other bodies in her wake. But here he was, placing a hand to her hip and gracefully guiding her into the dance.

"Don't move."

Vega had reached the target. Kaya was trying to focus on the mission, but those empty eyes kept staring back at her.

"Oh, fuck this," the asari said, and Vega let out a grunt of pain.

Kaya jolted away from her dancing partner, gripping at her side where Vega had just been stabbed.

"Alenko, the matriarch, now!" she hissed over her comm. "And you. You want our help running from the Alliance? Fine. Happy to oblige. Just help me take down this bitch first."

"I have the matriarch in my sights, but I won't reach her in time. Kaya, take the shot," Kaidan ordered.

Kaya looked up to the balcony where the asari was lining up her target in the scope. She launched a singularity up at the balcony, and the assassin put up a barrier to deflect it.

"Damn it!" Kaya shouted, reaching for her pistol before remembering that she had come unarmed to this particular soiree.

"On it," Alexis said next to her, firing up into the crowd.

For a brief moment, whatever psychic shielding he had up fell. She got flashes. Kaya saw that he was only using a concussive round. _Good. _And her hunch about him running from the Alliance was spot on, although there was still distress there. A girl. The other Indigo field agent. He had to get to Pari before _those traitor bastards _inside the Alliance could reach her.

She also got the distinct feeling that Van Dyne's usage of his powers was typically completely irresponsible and vaguely immoral.

Kaya heard another shot go off and saw – or _knew_, rather – that Vega had shot the assassin in the leg. Kaidan had reached the matriarch and was helping her security detail move to a safe room. And as Vega pinned his target to the floor among shouts and screams from the partygoers, all Kaya could think about was how much damn paper work this was going to involve.


	6. Doubts

When Joker made it down to the XO's cabin – there was still something distinctly _off _about calling it "his cabin" or "our cabin" – Kaya was already sprawled across the bed, naked under the blankets. The sheets fell across her bare back as she stirred slightly on her stomach.

Of course, give her a queen bed and she would take up the whole damn thing.

"You know, I seem to remember a conversation about _my_ helping you out of that dress," Joker said in mock-frustration, pulling off his shirt.

"Too tired. Going to sleep now." He brought his lips to the nape of her neck. "Jeff."

The word was a warning. _Not tonight. Not right now._

"I thought the mission went well," he said, pulling away. He rested a hand on her back, tracing circles with his thumb.

"Yes and no," she said quietly. Her voice had that low cracking that meant she was really, truly exhausted. "We still don't know who the client was. And I'm not sure I trust this new friend of ours."

She turned over onto her back, letting the sheets fall around her waist.

_Not helping, you know._

He took in the sight of her, trying to consider what she had said but finding it difficult at the moment. He noted the ways in which her body had changed over the past few months, becoming stronger. Harder. He traced a finger over her collarbone, now more defined. Between her breasts, smaller than they used to be. Down the line of her stomach, a new feature. He ran his thumb along across the sharp angle of her hip bone, thinking about going down lower until she clasped his hands in hers.

"Maybe in the morning," she whispered, eyes half closed.

She was already slipping into sleep as he nudged Kaya over to _her _side of the bed, not that the concept held much meaning for her. She rolled onto her side as he slipped under the covers next to her, pressing his lips back to the nape of her neck. This time it wasn't a calling card, though. Just an embrace.

* * *

><p>He woke in the middle of the night to her snoring. <em>Never would have predicted that one. <em>He tilted her head up a bit, and she stopped. A faint light was coming from her private terminal. It was enough to outline the shadows cast by the strong muscles in her back.

Her presence in his life still utterly baffled him. Based on the looks many of the privates on board the Normandy gave her, Kaya could have any fine strapping Marine that she wanted. Instead she chose to push her strong frame against his soft, fragile one every night. It made no sense.

"Jeff."

He did not need to have her observational skills to hear the warning in her tone. _We have had this discussion a hundred times before, Jeffery Moreau._

She snickered at the impersonation of her inside his head and rolled over.

"I don't sound like that. But, yes, yes we have."

"And every time, you leave me unconvinced."

"No," she corrected him. "Every time I leave you utterly convinced. Then somehow between one day and the next you allow yourself to start thinking stupid things again. Because you're right. I could have any damn man on this ship. A few of the women, too. But I chose the Normandy's pilot for a reason."

"Remind me," Joker said, bending down to kiss her collarbone.

"Well, there is the fact that you're _surprisingly _good at this part. I'm using you for your body more than you know, Moreau," she said. He nipped at her throat in response. "And there's the fact that you've saved the galaxy about seventeen times. Girls tend to get turned on by that kind of thing."

"Go on."

She laughed. "There's your sense of humor, obviously. Your determination. Your strength of character. Your sense of adventure. And then there's this one very peculiar thing I've never encountered before."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, not remembering this part of the script.

"There's the fact that you have never, not once, never lied to me."

"I'm not stupid–"

"No," she interrupted. "You don't understand. Even every person I have known who _knew _what I was – every damn person – has still tried to get away with lying about _something. _And hell, sometimes they've been successful. I can't pay attention to _everything. _That's how we ended up on this damn ship, remember? But not you. Not once."

She put her hand to his face, tracing the edges of his beard, "Which makes me wonder why you so stubbornly refuse to see what a terrible girlfriend I am. Not that I'm complaining over here. If you want to be blind, I will happily continue to take advantage of the situation."

He put his forehead to hers, and they were silent for a while until Kaya added, "But don't worry about it. Every remotely healthy couple I have ever witnessed has these doubts from time to time. It keeps you honest."

"As previously discussed, I have no trouble being honest around you."

"I wasn't talking about you," she said, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. She rolled him onto his back with a sultry smile and added, "Now, speaking of scripts, I'm pretty sure the next part goes something like this."

* * *

><p>She woke with a start. Last night her nightmare had been on Fehl Prime, inside James's head. April's voice was still ringing inside her ears.<p>

Kaya sat upright, feeling Jeff stir beside her. While her life had calmed down _considerably _since her first couple months in this decade, the nightmares never let up. She had learned to cope – aided by a healthy dose of medication – but she felt Jeff's worry as he sat up beside her all the same.

She supposed he would always worry, no matter how many times she insisted she was fine. Kaya could lie to herself all she wanted. For someone so woefully oblivious at times, Jeff could never be lied to about _her. _He kissed her shoulder, bringing an arm around her waist.

She looked at the clock. It was almost time for the alarm to go off anyway. Kaya groaned at the idea of having to file a mission report for last night. _How _was she supposed to put in the whole part about a fugitive deserter being harbored aboard the Normandy? Or, rather, how was she supposed to leave it out? She would still need to find a way to get word to the Council.

Kaya stood up, letting the sheets fall away, as Jeff let out a groan.

"Come back to bed. I seem to remember being promised something this morning," he said playfully.

Kaya moved over to the dresser. "I'm pretty sure last night was past midnight–" Essex's face flashed into her head, and she forgot the rest of whatever quip had come to mind. "But, trust me when I say that I'm not in the mood right now. I'm sorry."

He laid back down. "Where were you last night?"

"Has Vega ever told you about Fehl Prime?" Kaya asked, finding a bra. Jeff shook his head behind her. "Okay, then it's not my place to talk about it. Suffice it to say, though, that it's not the kind of war story that makes a girl hot and bothered at the end."


	7. Indigo

James was sending a message to Steve on his Omni-tool – betting on the next Seattle Sorcerer's match – when Kaya walked through the med bay door.

"Hey, Blue," he said, giving her a little wave. "Hell of a party last night, huh?"

Blue smiled at him, but there was something strained in it. James dropped his hand and put away his Omni-tool. Her face darkened, and he suspected she had not been expecting him to be so observant.

"I'm fine, Blue. Didn't even get any major organs. Doc says I'll be up and moving around in a few hours. And don't you dare start making jokes about my being taken down by an asari."

_Especially not when you jeopardized the mission._

She crossed her arms defiantly at that, saying with a raised voice, "That was _not _my fault, James Vega."

"Indigo boy is getting under your skin, huh, Blue?"

She had told James and Kaidan about Van Dyne's ability to shield his thoughts from her at their post-op briefing. _Good, a little bit of your own medicine. _The sight of Blue getting so frustrated over _not _being able to read someone's mind was highly amusing.

"James, I was serious about what I said last night. When Alexis let his guard down … something there wasn't right. He doesn't have the same reservations about his abilities that I do," Kaya said, fidgeting with the zipper on her sweatshirt. "His blasé attitude toward the whole thing feels … off."

"And you're pissed off about flying blind," James pointed out.

She rolled her eyes and leaned up against the table across from him, shifting uncomfortably before finally saying, "I'm sorry."

"Blue, I don't actually think this is your fault."

"In your head, no, not when you go over all the variables. But there's still a part of you that's pretty pissed at me for not catching the knife."

"Yeah, well, it _hurt_," James explained.

"I know. I felt it, remember? I'm pretty damn impressed you managed to take her down after that."

"Oh, it takes more than that to take down one Lieutenant Commander James Vega," he said with a smile. "And I wouldn't have been able to do it without your friend's help."

"He is _not _my friend," she said, crossing her arms again. It was kind of adorable when she tried to look all tough and angry like that. Blue must have heard that particular thought, because she added, "You know, I can still throw you through that window with my mind."

"Probably not a good idea," Vega said. "Especially when you need me to help take down these fucking traitor _pendejos._"

They had known from Hackett's sketchy intel that there was a small group inside the Alliance with _less than noble _goals regarding Project Indigo. But if just half of what Van Dyne had said last night was true, there would be hell to pay. Plans to experiment on the other Project Indigo recruits, to turn them into a damn army of soldiers with mind control powers. Engineers working on new versions of the implants Kaya had, who had _mysteriously _gotten a hold of schematics from the late Dr. Marcus.

These were his people. He was a marine.

"These are not your people," Blue said kindly. "Don't worry, we'll do a little house cleaning. Put this whole mess behind us."

Vega sighed, but he could still feel his blood pressure rising as he reached for a datapad. That report wasn't going to write itself.

"Tell you what. You wanna make it up to me, _chica_? Go get me some coffee."

She pushed forward off the table, nodding, and turned to go. Something seemed to stop her though, and Vega found himself performing a familiar exercise. The one where he checked to make sure he hadn't just thought something offensive off-hand, barely registering it in his subconscious. He had earned a few half-assed punches from Blue for thoughts like that.

Apparently, though, that was _not _the case, as Blue instead crossed the room and threw her arms around him a hug.

"Should I know what this is about?" he asked slowly, still returning the embrace all the same.

"I just worry about you, marine," she said, pulling away. Vega didn't have to be psychic to guess this was about more than just last night's mission or even the new intel on the Alliance, but he decided not to press the issue. "Now let me go get you that coffee. How do you take it?"

* * *

><p>Kaya was nursing her own black cup of joe – Vega had laughed at seeing that, <em>black like her soul<em> – when Van Dyne walked into the Mess. Kaya could feel herself visibly bristle at the fact that he was still shielding his thoughts.

"Once I'm sure you lot aren't going to stab me in the back, I'll teach you how," Alexis said, sitting across from her. "I promise."

She sat back and crossed her arms, studying him, once again grateful that Cain had pushed her to study human body language so extensively during training. While Alexis was certainly guarded – and she couldn't blame an Alliance deserter on an Alliance ship for that – there was also something friendly to his posture. Whether it was genuine was harder to determine.

He swept a hand through the auburn hair that reached down to his chin and sighed, apparently dissatisfied with her level of trust.

"Look, I know we play for the same team. Or, we should be, anyway," Kaya said. "But the fact still stands that you've been working for the Alliance. For all we know, you're one of them. It would be a damn good way to bring down our defenses, sending someone in here I could relate to."

"I can't believe you think I would work for those assholes, after what they did to you. I played nice and stood nearby and waited for the other shoe to drop. They trained me to be a spy. So that's what I did," Alexis said. "What I said about the faction last night was true. They're small, and certainly not an official part of Project Indigo. I wouldn't have left all those kids at Grissom Academy if they were. Actually, if Kaylee and Jack weren't there, I probably _still _wouldn't leave those kids there. Anyway, there _is _someone high up in the Alliance backing them, just waiting to make a move."

"And if you would totally let your guard down, I _might _believe you," Kaya said. "But the fact still stands that, if you're capable of blocking me out, you might be capable of fabricating thoughts as well. Maybe you do really want to take these bastards down as badly as I do. Maybe not. Either way, we need to get to work. I need to go make a call to the Turian Councilor about something. When I'm done, and I've filed my report on last night, we'll talk about finding Pari."

"The Council? You're going to tell the Council that I'm on board?" he said, standing up to protest.

"The Council has been helping us track down this seedy element inside the Alliance," Kaya explained patiently. "And the Turian Councilor is an old friend. We can trust him."

Alexis studied her, and Kaya found herself squirming under his gaze. Was _this _how she made people feel all the time? Like a specimen under a microscope?

Apparently he found something inside her mind that convinced him to shut up, though, because he nodded and stood to get breakfast without another word of protest.


	8. Councilor

"You have a call coming in from the SSV Normandy, Councilor," his secretary called over the comm.

_What did Alenko want now?_

"Patch them through, Auraea," Garrus said, turning to the screen above his desk. "Kaya?"

"Heh. You totally thought I was Kaidan, didn't you?" she said with a smile. "Yeah, well, I'm actually calling on his behalf. First, though, how are the kids? How's Shepard?"

"Is this call personal or business?"

"Why can't it be both? Spill. I want to know how Ash and Andy are assimilating. I want to know why the hell you're in your office. I thought you were working from home this month."

"Kaya," Garrus started, sighing. "If you're calling me in person – from the _war room_, no less – whatever you have to discuss must be important. Let's do business first."

"Fine," she sighed, rolling her eyes. Garrus was fairly certain the young doctor did that more than any human he had ever met. "We have a certain … passenger aboard the Normandy. The Council probably needs to know about it. The Alliance does not."

"Ah. I take it Agent Van Dyne has found you, then?"

"Garrus! When the hell were you going to tell us about this?" Kaya scolded.

"I just got the report myself, Kaya. But I'm glad you called. This could get diplomatically complicated."

"Yeah, no shit. I need to send a report to the Alliance on last night's operation, since it was one of those joint-jurisdiction deals you know I'm _particularly _fond of."

"And protocol states you have to send both sides the exact same report," Garrus said, taking a sip of water. "How difficult will it be to leave it out?"

"Not difficult at all. His presence didn't affect the mission. Much," she said. He thought he read a flicker of annoyance in her tone.

"What happened?" Garrus said, unable to keep himself from smiling. He was pretty sure whatever had gotten under her skin was a personal matter.

"I don't want to talk about it, Garrus. Suffice it to say that any illusions I had about getting along swimmingly with the other members of Project Indigo have been appropriately dashed against the wall," she said.

"Leave it out. I'll back you up if there's fallout down the road. I take it the Agent had some interesting things to say about Indigo. We're getting in our own reports."

"Oh man, Garrus. I'll get word to Liara to pass on to you and the Council, but this is bad. Shepard is _really _not going to like this. Kaidan is _livid._"

"Every military, even ones as noble as the Alliance, has a dark side," Garrus pointed out.

He decided to leave out the part where he had received intel regarding the Alliance faction yesterday. They had been trying to confirm it before sending everything on to Alenko, but Garrus doubted that fact would quell Kaya's annoyance.

"Yeah. I learned that lesson early on, remember? But after everything that happened with the Reapers … it's hitting Alenko and Vega pretty hard. Don't worry. I'm keeping a close eye on them," she said. She looked tired on screen though, and Garrus was grateful that she couldn't wave him away, dismissing the concern she supernaturally detected. But her tone changed considerably as she said, "Now, Ash. Andy. Go."

They talked about Ashley and Anderson at length. The children were settling in well, Garrus thought. It was hard to tell. He told Kaya he wished she could have spent a few more days in port, helping them get a handle on the situation. But, so far, Shepard seemed to be taking to motherhood with all the grace he knew she would. It was still left to be seen how long she could go without shooting anything, of course, but there was always Armax Arena.

Garrus asked about Joker and thought he saw Kaya twitch.

"Trouble on the home front?" he said, borrowing an expression from Shepard.

"Not exactly. I just … nevermind."

"Kaya?"

"Okay, this might make me sound like a total asshole. And you are completely free to pretend I never said it," she started. "But, every relationship has a reacher and a settler, right? And, let's be honest, you're the reacher in yours. I mean, it's _Shepard._

_"_So, Jeff seems to be of the mistaken opinion that he is the reacher in our particular relationship. How the hell am I supposed to snap him out of that, one reacher to another?"

Garrus sat back in his chair, certainly surprised by the turn the conversation had taken. He had never heard of this reacher/settler dichotomy she mentioned, but Garrus had to admit it made some sense. And, while he agreed with Kaya, he was surprised to hear her admit her position.

"I, er, well," Garrus started. "I'm not really the person to be giving relationship advice."

Kaya scoffed on the other end, rolling her eyes again.

"Garrus," she started, "you and Shepard are _literally _the healthiest couple I've ever seen. You have absolute, complete trust in one another. You know when to give each other space, and when to press on an issue. You're still trying to work out the whole career-life balance thing, but that's fine. You'll make it through that, just like you've sailed through everything else."

"And you, of all people, deserve that kind of happiness. So don't go trying to rebut me now. I'm asking you a question, one friend to another. One _younger _friend to her older, wiser turian badass of a mentor."

"Honestly, Kaya, Joker is probably never going to see you the way we do," Garrus started. "He doesn't quite understand how unstable and impulsive you are. He pins any poor decisions you make on past traumas instead of character flaws. He won't _let_ himself see that, for all your ability to understand the people around you, your self-reflection skills could use a lot of work."

Kaya stood unflinching on the other end. They had gone through this conversation before.

"In time, I think he'll come to understand more. But, what is that human expression? Love is blind? It seems pretty fitting here."

"Yeah, but, as previously discussed, I'm not a particularly patient person, Garrus," Kaya groaned. "Can't you have Shepard talk to him? If anyone can get him to see reason, it would be her."

"Why don't you talk to Shepard yourself?"

Kaya shifted uncomfortably in front of the scanner, moving out of her more professional posture. There was something tense but wounded in her new stance, if Garrus's knowledge about human body language was correct.

"Last time I had a relationship discussion with Shepard, it did _not _go well," Kaya said tersely.

Garrus felt his mandibles flare out in surprise. Whatever Kaya was referring to, Shepard had never told him about it.

"When was this?" he asked.

"A few months ago. I don't wanna talk about it. Suffice it to say, based on our discussion, Shepard would be more than happy to knock some sense into Jeff," Kaya said. "Now, if we're done with _that _particularly unpleasant business, I have another question. I thought we discussed you working from home."

"That's not a question."

"Garrus–"

"Something came up, Kaya," Garrus said. "You know, stuff that sort of involves you. I needed to come into the office for a meeting with the Council, and then you interrupted me just as I was getting ready to head back home. I promise."

"Good," Kaya said, leaning back. "Because if there's any couple in the galaxy I can imagine _not _doing well with traditional gender roles, well – you had just better not be leaving her to deal with the kids on her own. I don't care how important your job is. Besides, the two of you deserve a damn vacation already."

"I'm not so sure I would describe my current home life as a vacation," Garrus said. He winced a little, hoping Kaya wouldn't take _that _the wrong way and run with it. "What I mean to say is–"

"Being a parent is hard. I mean, I've never done it, but that's what all the vids indicate," Kaya said with a smile. "I stand by what I said the other day. You two are going to be _great _parents. And next time I'm on shore leave, I'll be back to babysit so you can have a nice break. Jeff and I will even take the kids for a long weekend."

"Yeah, there's no way I'm putting you and Joker in charge of my children," Garrus said. His tone was joking, but he reflected for a moment on how poor a decision that would _actually _be.

"I'm hurt, Garrus," Kaya said, although the smile in her eyes indicated differently. "But, I guess you're right. Actually, you should really make Vega do it. He's good with kids. I'd offer up Liara and Kaidan, but they have … plans for their next shore leave. Being separated has not been easy on them."

"Trust me, I know. I'm the one who has to deal with Liara on a daily basis."

Kaya turned around then. Apparently someone else had just entered the comm room. "Okay, old friend, I've got to go. Something's up. But I'll try to get that intel to Liara as soon as I can. Cole out – oh, no, wait. Kaidan says hi. Okay. Cole Out."

Her image flickered away, and Garrus was left to lean back in his chair, feeling a little nostalgic for the old days. What he wouldn't give to be on a mission that went a little south because a fugitive soldier crossed his path. But, this was important work, too. His home life doubly so. It was time to settle down a little. And if this intel on the Alliance was right, well, it sounded like they needed someone positioned within the Council to keep everyone in line.


	9. Omega

"What's up?" Kaya asked, leaning against the conference table.

"We got some intel in. Joker's already charting a course, but we think we've found Agent Malik," Kaidan said.

"You know, I'm right here. You've been aboard with a psychic for eight months," Alexis interjected. "You could just say, 'My girlfriend the shadow broker tells me.' No need to dance around, here."

"Agent Van Dyne, need I remind you that you've taken refuge aboard _my_ ship?" Kaidan said tersely.

"Boys," Kaya warned. "Play nice. Where are we headed, Kaidan?"

"Omega," Kaidan admitted reluctantly.

Kaya had not returned to Omega since she first arrived in this decade. She had no interest in going back. She felt Vega tense up next to her, while Alexis patiently observed the situation. Again, Kaya felt a twinge of annoyance at getting a dose of her own medicine. His expression as he found out, no doubt, about all of the events that had transpired with Dr. Marcus was inscrutable.

"But I have an idea on that," Kaidan said. "Kaya and James, I want you to take the shuttle to Grissom Academy instead. I'll take Agent Van Dyne to Omega, since I'm sure his skills will be valuable there."

"L2, you sure you wanna trust this _pendejo_ to have your six?" Vega asked, eyeing Van Dyne suspiciously

"It won't just be the two of us," Kaidan said. "I'll bring a couple marines. Besides, Kaya has assured me that Agent Van Dyne is more interested in getting Agent Malik to safety than anything else."

Alexis nodded at that, but he did not break his silence.

"I'm not so sure Jack will come aboard. Last time I talked to her, it sounded like she was really hitting her stride with those kids," Kaya said.

Kaidan shrugged, "Tell her what we know. Indigo really got under her skin, and I think she'll want aboard immediately."

"Never thought I'd see _you _try to recruit Jack," Vega laughed.

"Yeah, well, I might be recruiting a lot more than just Jack in the upcoming days," Kaidan sighed. "On your way there, Kaya, get in touch with Kasumi. Vega, I want you talking to Traynor, Tali, and Cortez."

"I get Traynor and Tali, but why Esteban?" Vega asked.

"Liara's intel suggests this goes way up the chain of command," Kaidan said. "And if that's true, I want as much of the old team together as we can get. In fact, I'll have Shepard make contact with Grunt and Samara, too."

"You sure you want this many unknown variables?" Kaya asked. "I mean, you barely know Grunt and Samara. None of us really know them. Their loyalty was to Shepard."

"You and Samara have a connection. I could see that much at the party," Kaidan said. "And I'm willing to bet the Justicar will want to look into this. Grunt's an unknown element, but Shepard always spoke highly of his physical prowess. I'm hoping this won't get too bloody, but it can't hurt to have him aboard."

"You sound like you're expecting a war," Vega said apprehensively.

"If this goes as high up as I think it does, if we're taking away the power to literally control the mind from these people, then yes. There may very well be war."

* * *

><p>"Alright, Joker. We'll check in with T'Loak and radio back in a bit. Let me know if Liara calls," Kaidan said, stepping out the airlock on Omega.<p>

There was a notable silence on the other end. Joker was _not _happy about Kaya and Vega setting out on their own. But, Kaidan was not going to apologize for his decision. They needed to work fast here. It was quite possibly only a matter of hours before the mole within the Indigo faction was discovered – they had sent an almost desperate amount of data to Liara – and then the heat would no doubt be on.

Inside Afterlife, Kaidan felt uncomfortably aware of Van Dyne's presence. What Kaya had told him about the new psychic's questionable ethics regarding his powers was in the back of Kaidan's mind. But, he could at least take comfort in knowing that Alexis was no where near as dangerous as Kaya. Kaidan had run his own scans to confirm that Alexis did not have a biotic amp, which should _theoretically_ render him unable to cause the level of destruction Kaya was familiar with.

And while Alexis was undoubtedly aware of Kaidan's concerns, he kept silent as they made their way up the stairs to Aria's team of body guards. They pointed their weapons at the crew, and the two marines Kaidan had brought along instantly produced their own guns.

"Wait," Aria said lazily from the couch. "That one's with Shepard. Let him through."

He stepped past the guard, shooting Alexis a look. _Find out what she knows._

"What are you doing here, Spectre Alenko?" she asked as he sat down.

"I'm looking for a human girl. Would have come here in the past couple of days. Goes by the name of Pari Malik."

"Doesn't ring any bells. What's so special about her?"

"She's a threat to some pretty messed up people, including Cerberus." _That got her attention. _"And you know I can't tell you anything more than that."

"A lot of people come through my station, Alenko. I'm going to need a little bit more to go off of."

Kaidan looked over at Van Dyne, who shook his head. _Nothing yet. _Kaidan pulled up his Omni-tool.

"I'm forwarding you a picture of her. I have intel suggesting she may have signed up to work with a merc group."

"I'm liking this girl more and more," Aria said. She flagged over one of her associates, who pulled up the image on his Omni-tool. "Which is surprising. She seemed utterly unremarkable when she came in here. You'll want to talk to the Blue Suns."

Kaidan looked back at Alexis, who nodded. "Alright. Good. I have to ask, Aria, why be so forthcoming? It's not your usual style."

"I still owe Shepard a few favors she never cashed in. Hopefully she doesn't take issue with you using one now."

"For this? I doubt it," Kaidan said, standing. "Trust me, Aria. You've helped yourself here more than you realize."

"Pleasure doing business with you. Now, if you could promptly get off my station, I'd appreciate it. Spectres aren't exactly good for the commercial sector."

As they walked away, Alexis seemed to be contemplating something. Finally, he asked Kaidan, "Why on earth does Aria T'Loak owe Captain Shepard anything?"

"She helped her take back Omega during the Reaper invasion," Kaidan said. Not _exactly _a call he would have made. "It's a long story."

"I'll bet," Alexis mused. "You know, I know you and Cole think I'm a complete twat. And I apologize. I did not realize my presence would throw Cole off balance so much last night. But, I just want to say, sir, that I am looking forward to working with you."

Kaidan looked over at the agent in surprise and disbelief.

"I _grew up_ with stories about Shepard and her team," Alexis explained. "And I was at the old Grissom Academy when Shepard rescued us from Cerberus. If she chose you as part of her crew to take down the Reapers, then you have my utmost respect."

"Wait, you were one of Jack's students?" Kaidan said as they left Afterlife, heading for the Blue Suns headquarters in the Gozu District.

"Sort of," Van Dyne said. "I'm not like Cole. No biotic abilities here, as far as I'm aware. And this was before Jack got brought onto Indigo. But I was the first person the Alliance identified with our particular skill set. Or, you know, the first person in almost a century. Jack wasn't training me, but I was at Grissom when Cerberus hit. I was supposed to move into the field when her unit did."

"What changed?"

"I was badly wounded. I would have died there if Shepard had come half an hour later," he said, sounding bitter. "I was out of commission for the rest of the war."

"You know, given what we know now," Kaidan said, "I would not be surprised if _you_ were the real target at Grissom."

"The thought has crossed my mind," Alexis said tersely.

They entered the Gozu District, and Kaidan's mind jumped to some particularly unfriendly territory. Last time he had been here, it had been at Shepard's side, shooting through a pack of mercs to find Kaya. He could still see that son of a bitch Marcus's face as he threatened them, saying that the Alliance was not going to have what they were after.

Alexis stopped. "Kaidan, are you sure that's what he said?"

"You know, Van Dyne, I don't think this is really something I want you to–"

"Major Alenko, sir. With all due respect, what you just remembered doesn't make any sense," Alexis said. "Think about it. My intel says that Marcus was working with the Alliance."

_"There's only one way this ends, Shepard. I might as well stop the Alliance from getting what it wants." Kaidan was about to take the shot, when Marcus moved the gun to his own temple and pulled the trigger._

"So, Marcus was originally working under Alliance direction and later went rogue," Kaidan said, not seeing Van Dyne's point. "We pretty much already knew that."

"Or there was someone else on Marcus's team, someone that you missed. In Cole's memories there were a number of other non-militant personnel, although she only ever saw Marcus's face."

"Yeah, we stepped over their bodies as entered Omega," Kaidan said. _Shit. _"So, who did our job for us and took out the science team?"

Van Dyne nodded gravely. "And why didn't they take Dr. Cole with them?"

"How did we miss – you know what, we'll figure this out later. Right now, let's just focus on getting Agent Malik."


	10. Grissom

Vega looked over at Blue, lounging across from him on the Kodiak. She looked like she was going on a damn vacation, with her legs splayed out across the seats. Suddenly, a wicked smile played across her lips. James would not have pressed her on it, except that she suddenly turned her head as if embarrassed.

"You gonna let me in on the joke?" Vega asked.

"Nah."

"Fine. Then I'm just gonna have to bug you about Van Dyne."

"You and Kaidan just think this is so fucking hilarious," she said bitterly.

"Hell yeah, Blue," Vega said, nudging her playfully with his foot. "You finally get to see what the world is like for us mere mortals."

"Yeah, and it fucking sucks," she grumbled. It was cute when she got _this _angry. Not quite to the point of mania or actually kicking the shit out of someone, but just annoyed enough to pout. "I can't trust this asshole if I don't know what's really going on inside his head."

"Welcome to the land of the living," Vega scoffed.

"I'm serious. I don't know how the hell you guys do it," she said, straightening up. "I mean, I guess I did it once. But that was ten years ago. I … I find myself having quite a lot of respect for you guys now. The way you put yourselves out there with other people. It's … brave, really. And it leaves me wondering why the hell you idiots trusted me."

"I still ask myself that question every day," James said, smiling. "You know, though, I had always figured it was harder on your end."

"How so?"

"I mean, you see _all _of a person. _Dios, _I know even I've thought some things about you that wouldn't … well, you know … earn your trust."

"Relax. Your inner monologues tend to be quite tame compared to some of the privates aboard the Normandy."

"What? Who?" James asked incredulously, suddenly feeling very protective. "Oh man, I'm surprised Joker hasn't crashed the Normandy already."

"One, Jeff would never crash the Normandy. There could be a damn Reaper aboard and you couldn't convince him to do it," Kaya laughed. "And, two, I don't _tell _Jeff those kinds of things."

"Okay, but this is what I'm talking about, Blue. You see all of these nasty little parts of people. And then you have to make choices. Which secrets do you tell? What gets kept to yourself? I mean, how many times a _day _do you have to lie to cover someone else's ass?"

"If we're talking lies of omission, there's no way I could keep count. But, I have a mantra. Actions speak louder than words, but _both _are more important than thoughts. People think a lot of things they wouldn't even say out loud, let alone do. Those little thoughts don't necessarily define who they are. I've learned to tell the difference."

"Yeah, well, I don't envy you, Blue."

"Nor should you, I guess. _You _don't have to walking through everyone's sexual encounters and big mistakes and nightmares and–" Blue stopped herself, wrapping her arms around her knees. "And things I have no right to see."

"That's what this morning was about, wasn't it?" James asked, the memory clicking into place. "You saw something inside my head. Three guesses as to what, I suppose."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah. And I've made peace with that."

"Have you?"

The pilot interrupted them from the front of the Kodiak, "ETA five minutes, Lieutenant Commander."

_Ah, man. How much of that did he hear? I miss when Esteban was in charge of the shuttle._

"Well," Blue said, as if he had spoken aloud, "then get him on board. He seemed like a pretty cool guy at Shepard's party. I wouldn't mind having him around."

"I don't think Esteban's gonna give up his cushy life as CAG aboard a damn dreadnought to come serve under a semi-rogue spectre. I mean, no offense to the major, but … well …"

"He's not Shepard," Blue finished for him. "And we're not in the middle of a war for our very survival. Too bad you don't carry fighters aboard frigates. Still, if anyone could convince him–"

"That person would be Shepard, Blue. Not me."

"Well, if Shepard's taking this whole thing as seriously as Garrus is, then maybe she'll lend a hand," Blue said. "Seriously, this has really gotten under the Council's skin. Which makes sense, really. They've had almost six years of relative peace. Now, as the rebuilding wraps up, the last thing they need is for a bunch of upstart humans to launch a military coordinated by damn mind control."

"You're about to go on a rant about the Reapers, aren't you?"

"I just don't fucking understand why we all can't get along. The entire galaxy faced fucking extinction, and yet five years later they're back to their damn petty problems."

"Blue, you probably understand human nature better than anyone. And most aliens aren't very different from humans, as far as I know. But you don't have to be psychic to know that we can be a real petty, selfish, shortsighted bunch. Hell, that's how the Reapers even got as much of a jump on us as they did."

"Yeah, well, we suck," she said, pouting.

"Yeah, but not all of us, right?"

Aboard the space station that was Grissom Academy, Jack was leaning nonchalantly against a pillar in the docking bay. The place was _gorgeous_, and Kaya found herself cursing Kaidan and his bright idea to strike a truce that involved her being aboard the Normandy. Hadn't this originally been the plan? She would come to the Academy and study, improving her biotics and working with the other Indigo kids?

She made a mental note to chew Kaidan out for that one – for not pushing hard enough against the idea that the Alliance and the Council would never let her out of a field assignment – as they approached Jack.

"Hey, assholes," Jack said with a smirk. "How's life aboard the SSV Alenko working out?"

"You know, I was just thinking that I should go rogue and head over here," Kaya said, giving Jack a hug. The gesture was not returned. But, much to Jack's credit, she did not try to blast away Kaya with her biotics, either.

"I had to go and mentor a hugger," Jack muttered.

Kaya couldn't help but notice how Jack and Vega _politely _ignored each other.

"Oh, Jesus Christ," Kaya said, rolling her eyes. "So you banged. So what? We're all adults here."

And that was when Kaya found herself suspended in the air by a singularity.

After getting down – an endeavor neither James nor Jack were particularly inclined to help with – she followed them both into the school proper. It had been rebuilt after the Reaper invasion, given that it held too many bad memories for many of the students who had been there when Cerberus attacked. And the new Academy was damn impressive, with high ceilings and vegetation growing up the walls. There was artificial sunlight streaming in through skylights above, warm upon her face as they passed under.

"So I take it Kaidan mentioned why we're here?" Kaya said, but Jack only responded with a stony silence. "Oh, come on! It's not my fault!"

"Alenko said he had some information to share," Jack said pointedly to James. "Said he couldn't go into it more over vidcomm. But, before we get to business, I figured you'd want to meet Project Indigo."

"Wait, seriously?" Kaya said, smiling. With all of the bad news lately, the thought had not even crossed her mind. "Jack, that would be amazing. Although, if they're all like Van Dyne, there might be a problem."

Jack had to laugh derisively at that. "Don't worry. Alexis is definitely the shithead of the bunch. Where is that asshole, anyway?"

"They're looking for Agent Malik," Kaya said, and she felt a pang of worry on Jack's end. "Don't worry, they have a pretty good lead. They'll find her."

"They had better. Pari's a good kid, and she's an even better soldier. We're going to need her help," Jack said. "Did Alexis say what happened to force them off the grid?"

"Just that they got the same intel packet Liara did," Kaya said. "We'll discuss that later. We still don't know who the source was, but he indicated that they would go after the Indigo field agents soon."

"Who would?" Jack asked, and Kaya shot her a pointed look. _Not here._ "Right, well, let me introduce you to the little shits, and we can discuss that later."

They entered a recreational room that brought Kaya back to her days sent at St. Vincent's. Sure, this room had a window that looked out onto the stars and games made of holograms, instead of the narrow stained glass and single pool table that Kaya remembered. But, the students reminded her of classmates long gone. A couple were playing some chess-like game involving spaceships. A few others were watching a Biotiball match. Kaya noted Vega's attention drifting over in that direction. The rest of the students were sitting around a kitchen table.

Jack put her fingers to her lips and produced a high-pitched whistle. "Alright, listen up. Grandma Indigo is here, so show her some respect."

Kaya rolled her eyes as all attention turned to her. She was startled to see that all of teenagers in the room were demonstrating varying degrees of the same mental shielding Van Dyne used. Damn, she really needed to learn how to do that. If for no other reason than to get Alexis out of her fucking head.

"It was Pari's idea," one of the students watching the Biotiball game offered. "I'm Maureen, by the way. And, yeah, you can imagine things were getting pretty crazy around here. Quite a few fist-fights over who was thinking of sleeping with who. So, Pari developed the shields. It's tough – and it takes a lot out of you – but it gets the job done."

"And, don't worry," another student offered, standing up from his game of _Ardat-Yakshi_, "Alexis pisses us all off."

"It's just so … bizarre," Kaya said, shaking her head. "But I have to imagine, once you get used to it, it's kind of nice. Quiet."

"Nah, it's still mostly just annoying," the male student said. "But, it's the price we pay for a little privacy."

"Speak for yourselves," a young girl said quietly in the back. Kaya noted that she had to be no older than twelve. She also noted that her thoughts were completely unshielded.

"Aw, you'll get the hang of it, Lily," Maureen said kindly. "You've only been here for three months. It took me a full year to get on top of it."

Kaya found herself smiling at them. They were a unit, a team. Sure, there was the typical high school drama bubbling under the surface. But, despite everything, it was evidence that Grissom Academy was giving them a _far _more normal childhood than anything Kaya ever had.

Then, that pleasant thought was suddenly interrupted by an alarm rending the air.


	11. Pari

The Blue Suns kept a pretty secure compound in the Gozu District on Omega, but they had a recruiting outpost outside the main gate. If the turian officer there recognized Kaidan, he said nothing.

"You two looking for a little action? You've already got some good armor, it looks like."

"We're looking for someone, actually," Kaidan said. "Human girl. Young."

"Would have brought her own M-92 Mantis," Van Dyne added.

"Hah! That little spitfire. What exactly do you two idiots want with her?"

"We just need to talk," Van Dyne said. Kaidan felt himself tense a little. This was _his _mission, after all. Van Dyne seemed to notice, as he took a step back to leave Kaidan at the front of their formation.

"I'm going to need more to go off of than that," the recruiting officer said. "I'm not in the habit of just handing over prize recruits."

"My associate here is an old friend of hers," Kaidan said.

"Radio her that Adonis is here," Van Dyne added, pulling up his Omni-tool. "I can make it worth your while."

The officer must have been satisfied by the number of credits transferred to his account, because he called over his comm, "Hey, that little girl with the sniper rifle. She's got a visitor. … Okay, yeah. Roger. You guys are going to head back further into the wards. She's helping take care of some vorcha scum over by the old clinic."

"You guys are still fighting a turf war with the vorcha?" Kaidan asked. "That's been going on since before the Reaper invasion."

"Yeah, since those bastards thought to wipe us out with a plague," the turian said coldly. "We've got them turning tail, though. Your little friend's been helping with that as part of her initiation. Pretty sure they just sent her in there as cannon fodder, but she's holding her own."

It was Van Dyne's turn to look tense at the words "cannon fodder," leaving Kaidan to wonder what exactly there was between the two telepaths.

"Appreciate it," Kaidan said, motioning for Van Dyne and the marines to follow him. "Alright, let's just get in, get Malik, and get out. Everyone try to stay out of conflict. I'm not exactly in the mood to help a merc group one way or another. Speaking of which, what _exactly _is Malik up to?"

"Hiding in plain sight," Van Dyne said with a shrug. "Pari is one of the best shots I know. She always planned on hiding out with some mercs – at least for a little bit – if things got rough. It would be easy money _and _easy cover. But, relax, despite what that turian said, I very much doubt she's trying hard at taking out these vorcha."

They walked through the district a ways before the sound of gunfire could be heard in the distance. Kaidan cursed under his breath as they approached and realized they had walked in on the vorcha side of the fight, with the Blue Suns and Malik across a field of bullets. They took cover against a low wall, just outside the fight.

"Tell me you can do that projecting thing," Kaidan said to Van Dyne.

"Projecting … whoa, she can do that? Yeah, no. God damn, her range," Van Dyne said, running a hand through his hair as he apparently assessed Kaidan's knowledge of Kaya's abilities. "I couldn't even feel Pari at this distance, let alone talk to her. So if you've got any bright ideas for getting past these vorcha, now would be the time."

Kaidan pulled up his Omni-tool, looking for any alternate routes around the fighting. He grimaced upon realizing that the path ahead was the only way in or out of this part of the district. "We could maybe send someone through a vent, but it looks like a tight fit. I don't see any maintenance tunnels on these schematics."

Suddenly, Van Dyne jerked his head up. Kaidan followed his gaze to see a black-haired girl in pink and white Phoenix armor running through the vorcha line with a pistol in each hand. She dodged every shot – no doubt knowing where they were aiming seconds before they pulled the trigger – and took out two mercenaries with head shots as she vaulted over to where Kaidan and his squad had been hiding.

"Adonis? Seriously?" she laughed, reloading her sniper rifle. "And, oh yeah, you guys might want to start firing."

"I figured you'd know who it meant," Van Dyne said with a smile, looking over cover to fire a few shots with his assault rifle.

Some of the vorcha had now turned their attention from the Blue Suns at the other end of the tunnel. Kaidan threw a singularity over the wall, picking up two vorcha. The Blue Suns on the other side took them out. At this, the vorcha seemed to realize they had been flanked, and moved to better cover.

"Right," Kaidan said, "Let's sneak back out of here before any reinforcements show up."

"Roger that, Major Alenko," Malik said, throwing her Mantis back over her shoulder. "Took you guys long enough, by the way. I've been here for three days already."

"I found Dr. Cole as soon as I could," Van Dyne said. "Hey, I think everything pretty much followed the plan."

"Major, you better get your ass back here," Joker suddenly interrupted tersely over the comm. "I just got a distress call from Vega."

_From Grissom Academy? What the hell? _

"Joker, patch him through. Vega! What the hell is going on over there?" Kaidan said over the comm, noticing the worried look that passed between Malik and Van Dyne as they exited the shooting range.

"I don't know who these _putas_ are, but they're after the Indigo kids. We need an evac team _now _boss!" Malik and Van Dyne were already running back to the Normandy ahead of Kaidan as jogged to follow. "And we've got injured. Make sure the doc's ready to go."

"Joker!" Kaidan said. "How soon can you get us out of here?"

"I'm already disengaged from the dock and waiting for you slackers to get your asses over here," Joker said.

Kaidan could hear the unasked question in Joker's voice as they ran through the Gozu District. _Where the hell was Kaya?_

* * *

><p>On board the Normandy, Vega was radioing in, "They kind of look like that CAT6 crew that ran with Shepard's clone. I've got most of the kids with me, but Jack and Kaya got separated when we made for the shuttle. They're jamming short-range radio, although the quantum communicators seem to be working."<p>

Kaidan felt Joker tense up next to him as he asked, "What's your status, Vega? How close are you to the shuttle bay?"

"There's a small squad between us and it, Major. But I'm the only guy with a gun around here. We need back up, stat."

_Where the hell was Kaya?_

"Normandy, come in!" It was Jack's voice on the comm this time. "Joker? Kaidan? Come on, somebody give me something here."

"Jack? What's your status?" Kaidan said.

"Headed toward the shuttle bay now with some of the students. Cole gave me her communicator to call in and try to coordinate with Vega. Tell me you guys have heard from that jarhead. I don't have his frequency."

"Yeah, he said he was heading to the shuttle bay, too. He needs backup. Joker, get the Alliance on the line and get them to send in a squad ASAP. What's our ETA?"

"I can have us there in fifteen minutes, Major," Joker said, handing moving methodically over the console. "Alliance HQ, this is the SSV Normandy. We have just received reports of an attack on Grissom Academy. Targets are unknown. We request immediate assistance."

"Roger that, Normandy. We just received a communication from Sanders. We're scrambling a team. ETA twenty minutes."

"Roger. Normandy is heading there now," Joker said. Then, his tone changed dramatically as he turned his attention to Jack. "Hey, bioti-bitch, where the hell is my girlfriend?"

There was a long silence on the other end of the line, before Jack finally said, "She stayed back to put up a barrier, give me time to get the kids out of the way of most of the gunfire. And I don't want to hear it, glass-boy! I tried arguing with her! But, she was right, these kids have a better shot with me at their six. We've already taken out two bands of these assholes."

"You left here there! Alone!"

"There was no time to argue about it. Just get here with some damn backup already!"

The fifteen minutes that followed felt like the longest of Kaidan's life. He was reminded painfully of the moments in the escape pod after the Collectors attacked the SR1, waiting to hear that Joker and Shepard had made it safely off as it exploded in view of the pod. If this time went the same way – no, he would not let himself finish that thought.

Kaidan placed a hand on Joker's shoulder as they flew into the docking bay. The unmarked ships surrounding the Academy apparently didn't pick up on the Normandy with her stealth drive engaged.

"We'll get her back," Kaidan said. He was not sure who was trying to reassure more.

"I think there's some line about promises you can't keep, Major."

* * *

><p>James Vega was taking careful shots down the hall, trying to conserve ammo as his thermal clip stores dwindled. He and Jack had holed up with the Indigo students in a classroom. It provided good cover, but it left them as sitting ducks, too. He found himself wondering what the hell was going on with the rest of the students and staff at the school. Grissom had a permanent contingent of Alliance soldiers, but Vega had yet to see any of them.<p>

"Vega? Vega, do you copy?"

"God damn, Major. Took you long enough. I'm still caught here between two squads of these assholes. What's your ETA?"

"We came in on the other side of the station, but we're making our way over to you. I've got squads fanning out through the rest of the school. Jack, have you made it to Vega's position?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Jack said, throwing a stasis field that caught a couple of the mercs. James took them out. "Better haul ass, though. Your buddy here is running out of thermal clips, and there's too many of these bastards for me to take out on my own."

"We're moving as fast as we can, Jack," Kaidan said over the comm. "I've got Malik and Van Dyne keeping an ear to the ground for Kaya."

"Tell Pari to remember to keep an eye on her six," Jack shot back. "Stupid little shit will let those bastards sneak up right behind her."

"Roger that, ma'am," a young woman's voice said over the comm. James thought he saw Jack smiling out of the corner of his eye.

James could hear gunfire on the other end of the line. One of the students in the classroom managed to produce a defense drone that went flying past out the doorway. It brought down the shields of a merc leaning around the corner and James took the shot. He fell, and the drone drew the fire of another merc.

"Damn it, they just keep coming. Where the hell is our backup?" James groaned under his breath. And then it hit him. "Joker, do a check on the encryption of the signal you got back from HQ."

"What are you – oh, God damn it! Hold on … shit!"

"You two are _not _saying what I think you're saying," Jack growled.

"Somebody get me on a secure channel! Now!" Joker barked. "Alliance HQ! Alliance HQ, this is the SSV Normandy, do you copy? … Damn it. Your communications have been compromised. I repeat, communications have been compromised. We have a band of mercs currently attacking Grissom Academy, and they've been intercepting Alliance chatter. Requesting immediate assistance. I repeat, we are requesting immediate assistance at Grissom Academy."

James reloaded as the student sent out another drone. Damn it. They had known the Alliance was compromised from within, but intercepting signals from the Normandy – and fooling its crew, no less – showed a level of sophistication James was hoping this faction didn't have. He fired at a merc coming down the hall, just as Jack pulled away the bastard's shield.

"We've got Kaya!" Kaidan suddenly called over the comm. "Heading to your position now!"

"Tell me she's okay, Major," James called out, as Joker made a strange, strangled sound of relief on the other end.

"Patch me – I'm fine, Vega. Just focus on shooting some of these sons of bitches," Kaya said.

There was definitely pain in her voice, but, hell, at least she was alive. Vega had not let himself dwell too much on it in the heat of the battle. Now, he realized he had been assuming the worst.

"Damn, Cole, I didn't think you had it in you," Jack said. James noticed she was sporting a particularly wide grin as she threw a shockwave down the hall.

"Yeah, thanks for the vote of confidence, asshole," Kaya said. "Unfortunately, I got a bit banged up. Looks like you slackers are going to have to fight without my awesome skills."

"We can head back out to the Normandy the way we came," Alenko said. "Just hold until we can get there. Get ready for a full retreat."

"I'm getting word in from Lieutenant Sanders," Joker said. "The other students have been evacuated with an Alliance escort. Looks like they were just going after Indigo full force. I'm revving up the engines, so get your asses back here."

"We're right behind you," Alenko said. "Providing some cover fire. Now!"

"Go, go, go!" Jack shouted, motioning for the students to head out the door. "Get your asses moving! On the double, Jones!"

The kids streamed through into the hallway, visibly shaken as gunfire sounded out all around them. But, miraculously, as they retreated around the corner, none of the students were shot. At least, they weren't shot _again. _A couple of the students had been hit some shrapnel during the initial attack, but it was nothing life threatening. One of the mercs fired an incinerate blast, knocking out James's shield as he followed around the corner, but the crew started running for it in earnest before more damage could be done.

As they reached the ship, Alenko was barking orders left and right. He told a protesting Kaya to get down to the med bay immediately, and James noted that she was particularly pale. He ordered some crew members to help the students below deck, and he eventually decided against making contact again with the Alliance. As they tore away from the station, Joker informed them that the enemy ships were at least unable to get a fix on their position. They made it to the relay and jumped through, and Joker reported no one following them.

"Well, at least something's going right," Alenko snapped. "Joker, see if you can flag down Sanders. Make sure they're still okay. Everyone else, get to the conference room. As far as we know, it's not bugged, and we need to figure out our next move."

As Vega headed toward the war room, he could hear Joker and Kaidan beginning a heated conversation that ended with a curt "I gave you an order, Lieutenant."


	12. Conference

"I can't believe you! Oh yeah, let's send the one person we _don't want to be a soldier in the first place_ out to a prime target with just _one _marine. I'm sure that will go fine!" Jeff yelled over the comm as Kaya entered the conference room.

"Hey, the other marine she was with was _me_," Vega said, genuinely upset by this sudden lack of confidence.

Kaya stopped just outside the door and leaned against the wall. She knew she probably _should _interrupt this little cat fight before it got out of hand, but her curiosity got the better of her.

"It could have been fucking _Shepard!_ Wouldn't matter! She never should have been sent out there on her own like that! And – holy shit, Vega – you fucking left her on her own."

"Hey, that's on Jack! And, you're telling me you wouldn't trust Kaya to Shepard? Really, _pendejo_?"

"Don't pull me into this, Vega!" Jack yelled. "We were fighting for those kids down there–"

"Enough!" Kaidan shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. His outburst was more commanding than annoyed, an officer trying to get his soldiers into line. "There was absolutely no intel that suggested _anyone_ was going to try and hit the Academy. And everyone made it out, so will you all just shut up?"

"Yeah, well, tell your girlfriend I said thanks for that one," Jeff griped.

"Jeff! That's enough!" Kaya said with a slightly raised voice, walking past the dividing wall and over to the conference table. His jab at Liara had taken things just a bit too far.

"What – you're supposed to be down in the med bay!" Jeff scolded over the comm. "You got shot!"

"I got _grazed_," Kaya insisted, even though that wasn't _strictly _true. "And Medi-gel is one hell of a drug. Now fly the damn ship! I do believe you're supposed to be making sure whoever the hell that was doesn't catch up to us."

She could hear a few choice retorts running through his head, but Jeff stayed silent. It took her a moment to realize both Van Dyne and Malik were in the room. Agent Malik studied Kaya carefully with those same _dead _eyes. There were no thought processes behind them to analyze, but Kaya could very clearly see Malik sizing up the eldest psychic in the room.

"We do apologize for the precaution," Malik said, looking squarely at Kaya. "It's just that it would be unwise for us to trust you."

"So what was all that back on Omega?" Kaidan interjected, quickly figuring out what had passed between Kaya and Malik. "Everything about looking forward to working with Shepard's old squad?"

"That was completely genuine," Van Dyne said. Kaya _thought _he meant it. "Although you may have mistaken me. From a professional and personal standpoint, I am looking forward to working with the people who helped save the galaxy. Who helped rescue me from Cerberus six years ago. But I have to be aware of the dangers. You could be indoctrinated."

There were a few stutters of disbelieving protest from both Kaidan and Vega before Malik stepped in, "It is a distinct possibility. Some of these scientists now working within the Alliance having been working with Reaper technology since right after the First Contact War, ever since the incident at Temple Palaven. They have had ample time to study its effects. We do not know if the artifacts are even still active after the destruction of the Reapers, it's true. But they still had over two decades to study it. Cerberus was certainly able to make significant gains on the technology in a much shorter period of time."

Kaya found herself impressed by the young woman's matter-of-fact tone. _She _sure as hell had not been this pulled together at twenty one.

"If you think we could be indoctrinated," Vega began, "then why are you on the ship?"

"So far, none of you show any signs of indoctrination," Van Dyne said. "That being said, the signs can be particularly subtle. I got a dose of it at the Academy – the soldiers there were implanted with Reaper tech – but I haven't detected the same unusual thought patterns aboard. No humming. No headaches or hallucinations. No voices that don't belong there. Or, rather, no voices without a known source."

"_How _could you possibly believe we're working for them, after what just happened down there?" Kaidan asked, aghast.

"It's our asses on the line here, Major," Malik said. "You'll have to excuse an overabundance of caution. We still believe that our best bet is the Normandy's crew. Alexis wouldn't have made contact with you otherwise. But, we can trust _no one_ right now. I would think _you _of all people would understand that."

"Fine," Kaidan said tersely. "Joker, chart a course for the Citadel. We need to report in to the council on this ASAP, and I'm not trusting anyone linked to the Alliance right now except us. Vega, Jack, Kaya – I need to you to fill me in on what the hell happened down there. Now."

* * *

><p>"What the hell were you thinking? I thought – I thought–"<p>

"I know," Kaya said, wincing.

She was trying to keep her voice level as Jeff stood angrily between her and the bed in their cabin. The last thing they needed was for the whole damn ship to hear this particular argument. Kaya had hoped that, by retreating back to the med bay for a little while they made way to the Citadel, she would give Jeff the opportunity to calm down. _That _had apparently not happened.

"But I had to get those kids out of the line of fire," Kaya insisted. "And Jack was better equipped to take care of them."

"You could have died!"

"You think I don't know that? You think I made the decision lightly?" she said, raising her voice. Trying to keep this private was going to be a losing battle, anyway. "I made a choice."

"You chose to throw yourself on a grenade!"

"Yes!" she screamed. "Yes! I did! But I did it knowing full well that my barriers have gotten pretty damn good. I'm a soldier, Jeff. We can debate whether or not that ever should have even happened, fine. But, even if I'm no longer officially enlisted with the Alliance, I was trained since I was a _kid _to throw myself on a grenade. So that's what I did. And, you know, as a military man who's been on a few fucking suicide missions, I would think you'd understand that."

_That _seemed to somber him. Jeff sat down on the bed, hands clenched into fists. She tried not to feel his mind whirring, but it was impossible to block out.

_That was to save the damn galaxy from the Reapers. Totally different. And, hell, that was planned. We knew what we were getting into. This was impulsive, stupid. Reckless. She could have died. I thought she died. And, for what? For a couple of kids she'd never even met._

"Stop! Oh my god, just stop!" she yelled, horrified by that last bit. "I don't care if this isn't the _fucking _Reapers! It doesn't have to be the end of the damn galaxy for it to be worth dying for. Those were _innocent _children. Children _my very existence _puts in harm's way. The _only _reason these traitors in the Alliance are coming after them is because they know, _from me_, that it's possible to torture them enough to turn them into weapons. And if you think I wasn't going to protect them with my life, then you don't know anything about me!"

She crossed the room and went to raise her left arm, to knock against his chest and try to force some sense into him. Instead, a sharp pain caused her to clutch at her shoulder.

"Son of a bitch!" she hissed.

He looked up then. His face was pale, and the anger was still plain upon it, but there was worry in his eyes now.

"Let me see that," he said, standing up. She tried to protest, but he hobbled over and pulled away the bandage. "What the hell, Kaya? That is _not _just a graze."

"It's fine. Doc patched me up."

"Yeah, and I can still see where a bullet _ripped through your fucking shoulder_," he said. "Stop trying to move it and sit down."

Kaya let out a little cry of exasperation, but she obliged and flung herself down on the bed. Maybe her compliance here would get him to calm the fuck down. He sat down next to her and carefully reapplied the bandage. She kept her eyes shut, worried that she would start crying if she looked at him. Jeff rested his hand – lightly, so lightly she could barely feel it – on top of the bandage when he was done. Something about what Kaya had said seemed to sink in.

"You know you can't blame yourself for this, right?" he said quietly.

"Do I? Jesus, Jeff, if I had never taken that Mars mission. If I had never ended up in this time, if I had just stayed MIA in college instead of running back to Cain – none of this would be happening. Christ, the youngest one is twelve years old. Her name is Lily. And all I can see is an image of her, strapped to a chair, being tortured."

He put a hand under her chin, turning her face to his. She still refused to open her eyes.

"You coming to this time kept them from getting a head start," he said. "It's probably what gave those kids a chance at something resembling a childhood."

This was a possibility Kaya had not considered, and her eyes flew open to look at him.

"I – well, I – damn it, will you just lie here with me and shut up for a while?" she said softly, shutting her eyes again.

He moved to the other side of the bed and slid his hand into hers. She could see Kaidan and Vega a level above them, getting ready to depart with Malik and Van Dyne. Kaya found herself wondering what the Council could possibly do about all this. It wasn't as if they could call the Alliance out on it in the open; the diplomatic repercussions would be massive. And, unlike Kaidan and Garrus, Kaya refused to believe this went _that _high up. It was just too conspiracy-theorist for her.

Then again, as she fell into an uneasy sleep, Kaya mused that some of the worst truths in history tended to be proven conspiracy theories, the Reapers among them.


	13. Citadel

_She was limping toward the beam. There were soldiers dying in front of her and piles of bodies to the sides. Methodically stacked, like on the Collector base. She could feel a cool, damp wind across the parts of her arms exposed where her armor had been blasted off. The edges of her vision were going black, and she was uncertain how long she could hold on._

_She was aboard the Citadel, walking through a narrow tunnel she had never seen. The place reeked of death, of the bodies placed in careful piles along the walkway. She heard Anderson say he had come up behind her._

_She was standing a circular room. Anderson was struggling against the Reaper control. The Illusive Man was there, looking half-husk, refusing to see what they had done to him. She found herself pulling the trigger, shooting her friend. Her mentor. The man who had become like a second father to her after Mindoir. The man who convinced her to join the Alliance. And she shot him. _

_"You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you."_

_She pulled her hand away from her abdomen, found it covered in blood. She didn't remember getting shot._

_Then she was making a choice. And she chose … she chose, selfishly, angrily. She chose to survive and to destroy. But what if the Illusive Man had been right? Had she only been stubbornly refusing to follow his ideas? Or what if synthesis had been the best answer? Look at them all now, still bickering and waging war. Could she have stopped all this? Could she have saved the Geth? EDI? Kept another genocide off her hands?_

_"Only now do I feel truly alive. That was your influence."_

_She was waking up in the rubble, taking a painful breath, cursing herself for having survived._

Kaya shot awake with a gasp. The pain rocketed through her shoulder as soon as she did, protesting at the sudden motion and causing her to cry out. Jeff was immediately awake beside her, hand on her good shoulder, asking if she was alright. She was suddenly aware of how weak she felt, of the fact that she was sweating profusely. She could hear her heart beating inside her head, feel it pounding in her chest.

She had not returned to the Citadel – to that fateful afternoon – with Shepard in _months. _And as she shook the images from her mind, something about them left her feeling particularly uneasy. Wrong. She had never going through the _entire _sequence at once before, and it felt as if she was missing something.

"Kaya, say something," Jeff implored quietly.

"I'm okay," she answered, even as she shook her head. "I just – shit. What time is it?"

"You were only out for a few minutes," Jeff said. "I haven't even heard from Kaidan yet."

Minutes? It felt like she had spent hours up on the Citadel, studying the faces of every dead body she passed. She could still feel the pistol in her hand, feel herself pulling the trigger, watching Anderson unable to collapse to the ground.

"I need you to go get Karin. Tell her I need to up my SSRI dosage," Kaya said weakly. She could see he was reluctant to leave her side. "I'll be okay on my own for a moment. I promise."

He frowned but kissed her on the forehead and got up. "I'll be right back."

She nodded, smiling weakly. Everything _hurt. _She had put up a barrier to keep out those mercenary troops, to keep them away from the Indigo kids. And it had worked. She had held her ground in a doorway, deflecting bullets and even one grenade. Only at the last second did she feel something in her neck short out as her legs buckled beneath her. If Kaidan and the others had not arrived exactly when they did – well, Kaya still found herself unable to dwell upon that.

She gingerly pulled up her Omni-tool, realizing she had not spoken to either Vega or Jack about what happened. She was unwilling to be alone, in the dark, with the images flashing through her mind. So, she quickly sent out two messages before Jeff returned.

_"Jack – thanks for having my back down there. I know you disagreed with my decision, but you've gotta be proud of your girl, right? I'm glad we got all your kids out okay. And I'm sorry. If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't be in this mess. Don't deny that you blame me. I'm psychic, remember? Just know that I really appreciate the fact that you placed your faith in me, that you didn't think … not 100% anyway … that I was on a suicide mission."_

_"James – you okay? How are things going with the Council?"_

Jack would never write back, but she hoped James would reply. When he didn't and Jeff started having a long conversation with Karin, Kaya wrote another message.

_"Hey, you're not mad at me, too, are you?"_

Then, finally, a message in her inbox.

_"The Council's livid. And, hell, Blue, if anyone understands making a difficult decision to try and do some good … but that was really fucking stupid."_

_"Yeah, but it worked."_

_"Yeah, and you got shot."_

_"I'll be fine. Hurts like a bitch, though. I guess I'll never complain again about having to fill out a report for when someone else gets shot. Although that one time in France … I mean, come on."_

_"She was hot. Don't deny it. I totally saw you checking out her ass, too."_

_"You're an idiot."_

_"You're not denying it."_

_"You could have appreciated her peak physical condition without letting your guard down and getting shot in the ass."_

_"Upper thigh."_

_"It was totally your ass. I was the one applying the damn Medi-gel, remember?"_

_"Yeah. See? It all worked out in the end."_

_"I hate you."_

_"You love me and you know it, Blue."_

_"g2g, Jeff's back"_

"Who are you talking to?" he said with a raised eyebrow, entering the room with Karin.

"Vega. Apparently the Council's pretty riled up over this. Which, well, I guess that's good. Most of your memories of them are of complete and total denial, after all," Kaya said.

"You think you need to increase your dosage?" Karin asked, ever the consummate professional.

"Yeah. The tampered down amount was working for a while. But, well, maybe we should amp it up for a bit."

"You want to tell me why?" Karin asked, holding the drugs hostage.

Kaya sighed, but she knew better than to hold back from Karin, "I had a particularly vivid nightmare. One of Shepard's. They haven't been that clear in a long time. By the way, were you able to make contact with the hospital about getting me in for surgery?"

"Wait, what?" Jeff said, eyes going wide.

"Something happened to my amp," Kaya explained quickly but calmly. Talking to Vega had helped calm her nerves. Her hands were no longer shaking. "Relax, I'm fine. No headaches or anything. But I felt … well, I felt something happen. I want to get it looked at before trying to use my biotics again."

"It's not an invasive procedure, Joker," Karin reassured him. "Very routine. It shouldn't take any more than thirty minutes. They won't actually be tampering with the amp, just running a more detailed diagnostic that requires Kaya go under with a general anesthetic. And, as to your question, no. I have not heard back."

"So, wait, does this mean you're on leave?" Jeff asked. There was a hopeful tone in his voice that Kaya was not entirely pleased with.

"Apparently," Kaya admitted ruefully. "Now, as to my meds."

"We'll go up to your dosage from before London," Karin said, making a note on her Omni-tool before handing Kaya a small plastic cup. "Take these. I also added in a sedative. You need to rest. _And _I submitted paperwork for your medical leave."

"You're a saint, Karin," Kaya said with a smile.

"I know. You owe me, like always. Now, get some rest. And you," she said, turning to Jeff, "you _let _her rest. No more arguing."

Karin walked out before he could defend himself, leaving Kaya to smile as she swallowed the pills. She laid down on the bed, trying to take deep breaths without stretching out her shoulder.

"You know," she mused, "if I go on medical leave, you probably can't come with. I mean, whatever's going on, I doubt the Normandy's getting grounded."

"Maybe not, but we need to be in dry dock for at least a couple days. Those assholes got a few good shots in before we hit the relay."

"You don't seem that bothered by the idea of being separated, running off on whatever fucking mission this turns into, while I'm trapped on the Citadel," she pointed out.

"Is there a question there?" Jeff said, sitting down at the edge of the bed.

"Jeffery Moreau, what were you just yelling at me about?"

"I'm not suggesting I go on any suicide missions without you," Jeff shot back. "Some time grounded might do you some good."

Kaya could feel the sedative setting in rather quickly, no matter how hard she tried to fight against it. She tried to find a witty retort, but the words were forming slowly inside her head.

He leaned down to kiss her on the forehead, his beard tickling her face, as he whispered, "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. Now go to sleep, love."

* * *

><p><em>Author's note: So, I've been writing heavily during a long vacation, which unfortunately ends soon. I suspect updates to this story are going to become far less frequent, but I will still try to write 2,000 words or so every few days. I do have a rough outline for where this is going, and I can't get the ME characters after my head after finishing my third playthrough. So, it <em>will _be finished. _


	14. Zakera

When Garrus, Kaidan, Vega, and Jack walked through the door, Shepard had a hard time discerning if they were more exhausted or annoyed. They had all been up at the Citadel Tower for _hours_, and Shepard had found waiting for a verdict to be immensely frustrating. This was the first time she felt herself really and truly regretting stepping down from command of the Normandy.

The children were already asleep in their room, and Garrus immediately went to check on them. Kaidan walked over to where Liara was seated, working with a datapad on the couch beside the piano, and brooded silently. It was Vega and Jack that attempted to fill Shepard in.

"The Council does not believe at this time that enough evidence exists to launch a public investigation into the Alliance's Indigo Project, but they will be conducting an internal investigation of the events at the Academy," Vega said, mocking their poised tone but looking ready to punch something.

"Garrus was overruled?" Shepard said, shocked.

"Three to one," Jack spat out. "Assholes. And here _you _thought the Council had changed."

Shepard _had _thought the Council a far different body than the one that constantly denied the existence of the Reapers six years ago. Garrus had even said so. Hell, Garrus was a _part _of the Council now. But this was just blind and stupid. They had intelligence from an anonymous but vetted source, in addition to the word of two _psychic _field operatives. How could they ignore what happened at Grissom Academy? _Someone _had clearly gone after the Indigo kids there. The Council could not try to pin things on Binary Helix, not this time.

"At least everyone made it out of there okay," Vega said, walking over to the refrigerator.

"Have you heard about the students that were wounded?" Liara asked.

"They're fine," Jack said, looking thoroughly relieved at that news. "One of them – Maureen, good kid – she lost a lot of blood. They have her over at Huerta Memorial. In fact–"

"Go," Shepard said. "We'll fill you in on our next move when you get back."

Jack gave a grateful wave and headed back out the front door, just as Vega asked, "So, what _is _our next move, Lola?"

"We need to focus on keeping those kids safe," Kaidan offered. "C-Sec's on it, but I want us to put some patrols of our own guys, too. At least while we're in dry dock."

"Dry dock?" Shepard asked, crossing her arms. "I thought you said my ship was barely scratched."

"_Your _ship, huh?" Kaidan said with a smile. "Yeah, well, I thought it was. They never hit us with anything too big, but it was enough to throw a few systems off balance, according to Joker."

"How is he?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan seemed to shut down at that, leaving Vega to offer, "He was not exactly happy with how the mission went down, Lola. But I was joking around with Kaya earlier, so I think things have calmed down on that front."

"It's not your fault, Kaidan," Shepard said, sitting down on the other couch. "You were pressed for time. I would have made the exact same call."

"I shouldn't have let us get separated, L2. That one's on me."

Vega brought a round of beers into the living room, and even Liara accepted. Garrus re-entered through the kitchen, a drink already in hand.

"From what I've heard, you guys handled yourselves well," Shepard said. "I mean it. You got Agent Malik off Omega without incident, and there were no casualties at Grissom. In fact, if you _hadn't _decided to split up the squad, there probably wouldn't have been any support at the Academy at all. It was the right call. A lucky call, actually."

"Yeah, well I still want to know how the hell they intercepted a communication from the Normandy," Kaidan said. "That shouldn't be possible, Shepard."

"Agreed," Garrus said. "In fact, that was one of the most damning pieces against the Alliance. This _has _to be someone on the inside. The fact that the other councilors refused to even _listen_–"

"Means they haven't changed," Shepard said sadly. "No offense, dear."

"Keep working on them, Garrus," Liara said, looking up briefly from her datapad. "And I'm going to keep trying to find more information. Our anonymous source as gone dark, but I think I'm getting closer to tracking him down. I'm just sorry I didn't see what was coming at the Academy–"

"Not your fault," Kaidan said tersely. When Shepard shot him a look, he reluctantly explained. "That was one of Joker's many problems with the mission. But, he's wrong. This had nothing to do with you, Liara. There was no way we could have seen this coming. _Nobody _thought they would be brazen enough to attack the Academy. The place is a damn fortress."

"Exactly what I was thinking," Shepard said. "We're dealing with an enemy that's either a lot better connected or a lot more desperate than we were hoping. This could get out of hand fast. I think it's time I start calling in some of the old crew."

* * *

><p>After Shepard and Garrus had made some calls, Shepard ordered Kaidan to make sure Kaya, Malik, and Van Dyne had proper protection. Well, she had technically <em>suggested<em> Kaidan set up a protection detail. But, in all honesty, Shepard was still effectively Kaidan's CO. Malik and Van Dyne were to stay on the ship while, at Shepard's request, Kaya was to stay with Shepard and Garrus. Both groups would always have a contingent of at least four marines nearby.

As soon as Kaya walked in the door, Shepard could feel the annoyance radiating off her. Didn't need to be psychic for that one. She was being babysat, and Kaya knew it. Of course, while Kaya initially assumed this was an extra precaution for her safety, Shepard had other motives. As the team settled in to discuss tactics and possibilities, Shepard started walking over to the study.

_"We need to have a talk."_

Kaya apparently heard Shepard's thought from the couch, because she turned to look apprehensively at her old captain. Whatever she saw in Shepard's eyes must have convinced her that argument was futile, because she stood up slowly, squeezed Joker on the shoulder, and followed Shepard into the study.

"You are _not _about to yell at me for what happened at the Academy," Kaya said as soon as they were out of earshot. "You would have done the _same damn thing_, and you know it."

"You're right, I would have," Shepard replied. "And, from a military perspective, I'm very impressed with you, Kaya. You showed incredible biotic abilities and a selflessness that, quite frankly, I did not know you possessed. It's what's happening between you and Joker that worries me."

Kaya seemed somewhat mollified by this as she walked behind the bar and poured them both some ice brandy.

"What exactly is bothering you, Commander?"

"Your anger at him is completely misplaced. Given your history, he has every right to worry about you making a suicidal decision. And _don't _tell me that you believed you were making it off that station alive. I just hope you had a contingency plan to make sure you weren't _taken_ alive."

"Kaidan didn't tell you?" Kaya asked. She looked down at her glass and took a long draft. She seemed to consider taking another before continuing, "When he found me, Shepard, I was holding a grenade. I had taken the pin out. There was no way I was letting those bastards take me in, experiment on me, and use me for whatever fucked up purposes they have in mind."

Shepard nodded solemnly, taking her own glass. Again, she found herself surprised by Kaya's level head. "Well, that's what I would have done. But, the fact remains, Joker's really shaken over this. I can see it. And, as you'll remember us discussing, I am _very _protective of my pilot, Kaya."

"So, you still want us to break up?" Kaya asked matter-of-factly. Shepard did always appreciate how to-the-point the young telepath could be. "Because I've thought about what you've said. About me being a selfish, immature, childish bitch. And you're right. I can be all of those things. But it's not who I am. I won't let it be.

"I came out of cryo more broken than I ever wanted to admit. And while everyone thought I was helping Jeff get over EDI, he was helping me get over the fact that I had lost _literally _everyone in my life. My mother, Cain, the few friends that I had. They were all dead, either of old age or murdered or when the Reapers invaded. _He _helped me get through that. And if you really think that I'm hurting him, then I'm willing to back off. I'll get off the Normandy. Frankly, the fact that I wasn't willing to consider that before kind of scares me."

Shepard leaned back, surprised at this turn in the conversation. She indeed had been about to tell Kaya to break it off, that her presence was severely inhibiting Joker's ability to do his job as well as his emotional health. Shepard had been in her shoes before. Joker had blamed himself completely for her death after the destruction of the SR-1, and she had used his guilt, keeping him close as one of the few constants in her life while they hunted down the Collectors.

Shepard had been about to tell Kaya that she would not allow Joker to be used the same way again. She owed him that much. Now she found herself wondering if the girl in front of her had really changed and matured, or if she was just manipulating Shepard.

"I'm not," Kaya said. "I know I'm prone to doing that. I get it. I get that you feel protective toward me but don't completely trust me. After Palaven, you became way more objective. And I need that. But, I'm telling you – you and Kaidan, you guys have really helped me get over my severe emotional baggage. I wish I had people like you around when I was growing up. I'd be a hell of a lot less of a headcase."

Shepard studied Kaya carefully before saying, "Don't make me regret this, Kaya. If you hurt him – really hurt him – you'll have Commander Shepard to answer to."

"I know. And there will be a long line of people behind you to kick my ass," Kaya said. "But that's not why I'm trying so hard not to. The choice I made at the Academy, I made it without thinking about him. I was thinking about those kids, and I don't regret that. But, I sure as hell was thinking of him when I was alone in that hall, my barrier getting blasted to shit. I was thinking about how much it would destroy him if I died. I was wondering if _that _cost was worth it."

"Would it have been?"

Kaya drained her glass and began to pour another, "I haven't come up with an answer to that question yet, Commander. I'm not sure I want to."

* * *

><p><em>She was running through the forest on Mindoir, her legs like lead. No matter how hard she pushed, the world moved by like molasses. Trapping her, suffocating her. Shadows of the people whose blood was on her hands hung around the corners of her vision. Voices called out, and the little boy ran ahead.<em>

_She caught up to him, only to find them standing on the Citadel. They were in that cursed room again, where she could see the battle for Earth – no, for the galaxy – outside the windows. Every second she deliberated, how many ships went down? Was her crew still out there? How much time did they have?_

_She had a choice. An impossible choice. There was no right answer, there couldn't be. But she looked outside and was so filled with rage. She had come here to destroy them. There was no other option. Not really. No matter what the cost._

_Hadn't she made these decisions before? Ten billion over here, to save twenty billion over there? The alpha relay. Virmire. Zorya with Zaeed. Balak. The gamble on Rannoch._

_Rannoch. After everything she had done trying to help the Geth, to make up for what happened to Aratoht. Could she really throw that away now?_

_And EDI. Joker would never forgive her. She would never be able to look him in the face again._

_But the stench of corpses – impeccably piled, lining the path to the beam and the halls of the Citadel – would not leave her nostrils. And she had her choice, born of hatred and fury and blood. _

Shepard bolted upright in bed, waking Garrus beside her. She took a rattling breath, trying to push the images from her mind. It had been weeks since she had thought back to that awful day on the Citadel. But even as the nightmares became less frequent, they never seemed to abate. Shepard suspected they never would. Worse still, she suspected she did not want them to.


	15. Implant

When Kaya awoke in the spare bedroom of Garrus and Shepard's apartment, she had to take a minute to remind herself _where _exactly she was. Then the events of last night came back to her as she sat up. With everything going on, Shepard had decided to keep a particularly close eye on the main target, at least while the Normandy was in dry dock. That meant Kaya and Jeff would be staying with them, along with a contingency of marines outside the front door. She had Jeff had essentially been tricked into it, promised alcohol and good food and then kept against their will.

Kaya wanted to believe this was an abuse of power on Kaidan's part, but she knew better. It made sense that whoever had attacked at Grissom would not be dissuaded by trivial things like Citadel security or even the systems aboard the Normandy. It made sense that they would come after her, Malik, and Van Dyne. Malik and Van Dyne had been confined to the ship under guard, a fact that Pari had heavily protested, given that she had never actually been on the Citadel.

Kaya remembered that feeling from seven months ago, when she protested – to the point of losing Shepard's trust – by going MIA on Palaven. She made a mental note to get to know Pari better, even if the young psychic was shielding herself from Kaya. It seemed they had a fair bit in common.

On the other side of the front door to the apartment, Kaya could feel two marines. April Jones and Jean Nguyen. There must have been a shift change from last night; at least Kaidan was trying to give everyone _some _shore leave. Kaya knew two more were downstairs, although their presence was fuzzy. Whatever had happened to her biotic amp, it seemed to have limited her range. Not that she was necessarily complaining; it was nice to have fewer voices in her head in a place as crowded as the wards.

Kaya looked over at Jeff, who was still contentedly passed out, and then over at the clock. She frowned upon realizing she had only gotten four hours of sleep. It was only 07:00, and Kaya was the only one awake. While Kaya supposed she had taken a considerable nap yesterday, she still considered asking Karin to up her sedative dosage later.

She moved off the bed, careful not to wake her boyfriend, and pulled on an N7 hoodie she had stolen from Shepard months ago. Given that her hair was an absolute mess and she had no brush – because _somebody _had given her no warning to pack an overnight bag – she found Jeff's SR-2 hat on the dresser and put it on.

Kaya then proceeded to start making coffee, hoping that the smell would wake someone else up and she would not have to spend too much time alone. She quietly opened the front door, coming face to face with the two marines.

"Ma'am, we're under strict orders not to let you leave," Nguyen said. His mannerisms were completely professional, but Kaya could feel his discomfort.

"One," Kaya said, straightening her cap, "I don't care if I'm technically your XO, Jean, don't ever call me 'ma'am' again. I'm only three years older than you. If you absolutely need an honorific, just call me Doctor, okay? And, two, I just came out here to ask how you guys like your coffee."

"That's not necessary, ma – Doctor Cole," Jones said.

"No, it's not. But you two are being denied shore leave on my account. And don't try to deny it," Kaya said. "So, cream and sugar?"

As she waited for someone else in the apartment to awaken, Kaya chatted a bit with the marines after bringing them coffee. She had not taken enough time to get to know the other members of Kaidan's crew, partially because Kaya was acutely aware of how much she creeped them out. But, she now realized this had been a mistake. April was a career military girl, fresh out of basic, whose parents were so proud of her for landing aboard the Normandy. She also played violin down in the cargo bay when no one was around. Jean and Kaya shared an alma mater; he had been at Princeton when the Reapers attacked. They weren't hit in the first wave, but eventually husks and cannibals made it out that way. It was the Alliance resistance that had saved his ass – saved the entire college town – and that was what convinced the young political science major to enlist.

Soon, Anderson was pulling on the hem of Kaya's sweatpants, "Auntie Kaya. Can you make us breakfast?"

Kaya turned around to see Ashley standing a few steps behind him. They had been waiting apprehensively for a couple of minutes, but Kaya had wanted to focus on them without interference. The marines had not seemed to notice. Kaya found that Ashley was still terrified. She had been through a couple foster homes already, and she was not expecting this particular arrangement to last. She was refusing to form attachments, and Kaya realized she needed to have a serious talk with Garrus or Shepard.

Anderson, though, was proving to be quite a different creature entirely. He had grown up at the same group home, where he was treated well and had some semblance of stability. He knew who Shepard and Garrus were from the vids, and he thought it was pretty cool that they were his new mom and dad. He was trying to form a bond with Ash, as well, but she was refusing to let him in.

"I was just going to make pancakes," Kaya said with a smile, crouching down to look him in the eye. She turned to Ash. "Does that sound good?"

Ashley studied Kaya for a long while before finally nodding.

"Right, then, do you two want to help?"

* * *

><p>When Garrus entered the kitchen, he had to laugh at the sight. The kitchen was <em>covered <em>with flour. Some had even, somehow, gotten onto the ceiling. Kaya was wearing Joker's cap and Shepard's N7 hoodie, both of which were covered in white powder. One of the children had apparently gotten into Garrus's clan paint, as well, given the blue smudges across Kaya's face. She was telling the children a story.

"And then, Kalros, mother of all thresher maws, jumped up in the air and gave the Reaper a big hug!" She grabbed at Ash and Andy with outstretched arms, and Garrus was surprised to hear Ashley giggling.

"And for her final act, Kalros, mother of all thresher maws, helped clean up the mess that two mischievous little krogan made in the kitchen," Garrus said.

Kaya turned to him with a big smile. "Nope. I'm pretty sure if I make breakfast, that means somebody else gets clean up duty. I vote we all gang up on Jeff. Go ahead and sit down, there's already some dextro pancakes ready."

Garrus shook his head and helped clean off Ash and Andy before helping them over to the table.

"You know, I wouldn't have predicted you'd be good with kids," Garrus said as he sat down.

"Didn't Kaya ever tell you? She was going to be a pediatrician," Joker said as he entered the kitchen. Upon seeing Kaya, powder white, he dissolved into a fit of laughter. "I can't – I just – hey! That's my hat!"

Kaya took it off and threw it at Joker. He caught it, but only after it scattered flour all over him. And the kitchen floor. Anderson laughed at that, while Ash looked up to Garrus with a smile in her eyes.

"Dr. Chakwas is on vidcomm to speak with Dr. Cole," the VI said crisply. The calm female voice's interruption changed the mood in the room considerably, leaving Garrus to feel like he was out of the loop on something.

"I'm putting you on pancake duty, Moreau," Kaya said, handing him a spatula. She walked out of sight, over to the front door, and said, "So, what news, Karin?"

"You're scheduled to go in for the diagnostic this afternoon," Dr. Chakwas's clear voice carried through the room. "Be at Huerta Memorial at two o'clock. The prep and procedure shouldn't take more than ninety minutes."

Garrus exchanged a look with Joker. Surgery? Since when was Kaya undergoing surgery? Joker gave him a hard-to-read shrug.

"And, in your expert opinion, what are they going to find?" Kaya was asking Dr. Chakwas.

"My initial scans show that your port was damaged from overexertion," Dr. Chakwas said. "But, yours is heavily modified. We won't know the full extent of the damage until we can get in there and get a good look. Normally, I would say the damage was repairable, but there are some odd components in there. But, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it until we actually know what we're up against."

"The sound medical advice of the ages," Kaya sighed. "That doesn't actually stop me from worrying."

"You aren't in any physical danger, Kaya. No risk of another seizure, as far as I can tell," Dr. Chakwas insisted. "But, if your implant can't be repaired, replacement is a very dangerous procedure."

"I know. I haven't come to a decision yet, on what I would do."

"And, I just said, you needn't worry about that for the moment. The chances of us not being able to repair the implant are slim."

"Okay, well, I'll let you get back to your life. Try to take a little shore leave, eh? Kaya out."

She must have seen Garrus's expression when she came back around the corner, because she immediately chastised him as she took her kitchen back from Joker.

"I'm fine, Garrus. Doesn't even hurt." She threw a couple of pancakes Joker had managed to badly burn in the trash. Joker started to protest, and she laughed as she turned to him. "Anyway, the timing works out well. We still on for lunch, dear?"

* * *

><p>"You still have flour in your hair," he laughed, pulling his fingers away.<p>

They were picnicking at the Citadel Tower, under the cherry blossoms. It was Kaya's favorite place on the Citadel, and it had become one of Joker's favorites in turn. They _technically _were not allowed to be sitting on the grass, but Joker figured they could always pull out the _we're friends with three spectres and saved the galaxy _card.

Kaya's shoulder was almost entirely healed. Or, rather, the Medi-gel was blending into her skin nicely. She was wearing a strapless dress – one of those loose, flowing ones that made her stand out from everyone else – and seemed unperturbed by the scar. She laughed, and he could see that she was happy. It was a pleasant change from last night.

"I guess pancakes might not have been the best idea," Kaya admitted. "But they were just so damn cute. I think I made a breakthrough with Ash."

"When this is all over, we'll hang around and help Garrus and Shepard take care of them," Joker said. "I think we'll have earned some genuine shore leave at that point."

Kaya rolled her head, cracking her neck. She stopped with a wince, apparently having pulled at her port wrong. "You know, that sounds really, really nice. You ever wonder if maybe – nevermind."

Joker raised an eyebrow at her until she gave in and finished the sentence. "Fine. Do you ever wonder if maybe we should get a place here, instead of always staying on the Normandy during shore leave?"

Joker spit out some of his beer, and Kaya immediately looked abashed. He hastily tried to reassure her, "I'm sorry! It's just – I, well – where is this coming from?"

"I dunno," she said, suddenly looking kind of embarrassed. It was an emotion that seldom seemed to cross Kaya, but damn was she cute when she blushed. "I was thinking about getting a place, looking up some apartments on the extranet. I didn't tell you, but I got some paperwork from someone on Earth. Apparently all of my mom's assets have just kind of been sitting there, so I'm suddenly kind of rich. And then I realized, that doesn't make sense. Us, getting two separate places. We've been dating for a while now, and we already spend all of our time together – or, I dunno, is that an argument for getting separate places after all?"

She was rambling. Joker realized she was genuinely nervous, without a clue as to how he would respond. He had not really given it any thought, after all. The Normandy was plenty comfortable.

"Yeah, you're right," she said, picking up on his train of thought. "Just a waste of money, I guess."

"Hey, I wasn't done thinking about it," Joker gently chided. "I mean, it might be nice–"

"This is private property," a high voice interrupted. "_Dining_ on the premises is not allowed."

"We have permission to be here," Kaya said quickly as she shot Joker a mischievous wink. "Spectre authority."

"Yeah, right," the asari C-Sec agent scoffed. "You two need to leave, now, or I'll be forced to bring you in."

"I'm serious," Kaya insisted, standing up. She smoothed out her dress calmly and continued, "Call Spectre Alenko if you don't believe me."

"I am not going to interrupt a spectre. You two need to come with me, _now._"

"Fine, then I'll call him," Kaya said, pulling up her Omni-tool. Man, she was _enjoying _this. Joker suddenly suspected this was part of why she wanted to come here for lunch in the first place. "Kaidan? Hey! So, I've got a sort of retroactive request."

"Kaya, why is there a stunned C-Sec officer behind you?" Kaidan's holographic image asked with a raised eyebrow.

"She may not have believed I was actually calling a spectre to confirm I have permission to picnic at the Tower."

"You _don't _have permission to picnic at the Tower."

"Yeah, but what's verb tense between friends?"

"You are, without a doubt, the most unbelievable person I have ever met," Kaidan said in exasperation. Still, Joker could see that, just under the surface, he was trying very hard not to laugh.

"And you love me for it," Kaya said in a high voice, wide grin pasted across her face.

"Let them be, officer," Kaidan sighed. "And if my permission isn't enough, call up Councilor Vakarian. I'm sure he will find this whole thing very amusing."

_No_, Joker thought, _Garrus will kick us out. And then Shepard will probably chew me out for being an irresponsible jackass. Let's not call him._

Kaya smirked over at Joker for a moment before turning her attention back to Kaidan. "Thanks, Major!"

She hung up, and the completely nonplussed C-Sec agent threw up her hands. She tried to stammer out some kind of response but, looking thoroughly annoyed, decided to leave them be. Kaya sat down, looking quite pleased with herself. She pulled a piece of the sushi they had gotten as take-away up to her lips, but she was soon laughing too hard to actually eat it.

"We really need to get you a hobby. I don't think you can put 'annoying the council and their security force' on a resume," Joker quipped. Kaya seemed to have forgotten their previous discussion entirely. Or, she was trying very hard to avoid it. So, Joker decided to pick things up. "I think getting a place together might be nice."

"Seriously?"

"Why not?" he said, taking her hands and touching his forehead to his. "If we both live through this, I think it would be nice."

* * *

><p>Kaya's attempts to get Jeff into a particularly good mood seemed wasted as they entered the hospital. He was squeezing her hand just a little too tight as they walked through the lobby, and she could practically feel the waves of anxiety rolling off him. No matter how many times she had insisted it was a routine procedure, he remained terrified of all the things that could go wrong.<p>

Of course, as a physician, Kaya knew his fears weren't entirely unfounded. Going under general anesthesia was never completely safe. And they would be digging around in her damn brain stem. But, she was not about to actually communicate any of that.

Karin was waiting at the back of the lobby. She led them into the pre-operation prep room, helped set Kaya's IV, and left them a little privacy.

"You really need to calm down," Kaya said with a smile. "It's a routine procedure. I promise."

"Look, I know _you _are totally comfortable with hospitals. But they still creep me out. And seeing you lying in a hospital bed–"

She took his hand, "I trust Karin. I trust the people she's called in favors with for this. I know you trust her, too. So, just take a breath."

"You had just better wake up is all I'm saying," Jeff said, squeezing her hand. "We haven't gone through hell and back for you to go out like this."

"Damn straight," Kaya said, closing her eyes with a smile. The pre-operation sedative was starting to kick in. "And you know me. I'm the second stubbornist motherfucker in the galaxy."

"Who's the first?"

"Obviously, that would be you. Or maybe Shepard. Maybe I'm third."

* * *

><p>When Kaya awoke, Jeff was sitting next to her in the recovery room, holding her hand. If he had not been sitting on the opposite side of the bed, Kaya may never even realized that she had been knocked out. Karin entered the room, looking agitated. Even in her hazy state, Kaya could feel that something was wrong.<p>

"Give it to me straight, Karin."

"Kaya, I–" She pulled up some images on her Omni-tool. If there was one piece of modern medicine Kaya had made sure to familiarize herself with, it was everything that could go wrong with a biotic implant. And, now, she saw what had Karin so agitated.

"Well, shit. We knew that could have been what happened," Kaya said, leaning back into the pillow. She suddenly realized she was wearing a neck brace.

"What's wrong? What are you two talking about?" Jeff said, voice cracking.

"I'm not in any danger," Kaya reassured him. "But, the part of my implant that's fried – well, it can't be repaired easily."

"We would essentially have to replace it," Karin elaborated. "And, well, we're still not entirely sure what all of the components Marcus attatched actually do. And, there's the fact that the surgery itself is extremely risky."

"No way. There's no way it's worth it," Jeff said, looking to Kaya to make sure she agreed.

Even though Karin had told her not to, Kaya had been considering this contingency all afternoon. She fucking loved being a biotic. It _hurt _to let go of that power. But she loved not being paralyzed or dead more.

"Don't worry," Kaya said. "It's way too risky. I already removed my amp. I'll just … go back to the way I was before."

"Like hell you will!" Jack had just walked into the room. "I didn't do all that training just to have you quit on me now!"

"Jack, how the hell did you even get in here?" Kaya sighed with exasperation.

"I'm visiting Maureen," she explained. "Saw you go in for surgery. And I'll be damned if I let you assholes talk Kaya into forgoing the surgery. The risk is _small_."

"The risk is fucking huge and you know it," Kaya snapped. "I'm not going through with it just to satisfy your desire to have a damn protégé."

The door opened again. This time, Kaidan walked in. The room was starting to get a bit crowded.

"Kaya's right, Jack," he said. "Replacing an implant could paralyze her. Hell, it could kill her."

"She'll be fine!" Jack shot back.

"Jack, get the hell out!" Jeff yelled. Jack's insistence on putting Kaya's life on the line had pushed him just a _little _too far.

Whatever Jack heard in his voice must have spooked her. "Fine, whatever, assholes!" she yelled, storming out.

"Jeff, go talk to her," Kaya said. When he tried to protest, she grit her teeth and insisted, "Go. Talk. To. Her. You can convince her a hell of a lot faster than I ever could."

"I am not–"

"Tell her _why _you don't want me to have the surgery. Get her to understand. She's not going to throw you out the fucking window."

Jeff gave her a look of doubt, but he left with Karin all the same. They _needed _Jack for whatever was to come, but Kaya had been one of the few things tethering her to the Normandy and the mission. Kaya hoped that the targeting of the Indigo kids would be enough, but it could also just incentivize Jack to go rogue and get herself killed. This was a relationship that needed to be repaired. Fast.

"You okay?" Kaidan said apprehensively as everyone else left the room.

"I feel like I got my letter from Hogwarts, and then they wrote back saying 'oops, sorry, our bad' eight months later," Kaya said. At his look of confusion, she rolled her eyes. "I sent you those vids. I _know _I did. _Harry Potter_? Damn it, Kaidan. It's an Earth classic. I even gave the books to Ash and Andy."

"Sorry," Kaidan said with a small smile. "But to be fair, you send me about a hundred hours of vids a week. I know you think I don't do anything aboard the Normandy between missions, but I have paperwork, too."

"And here I am trying to give you a nice, well-rounded cultural education," Kaya tutted. "Seriously, though, _that _is a early twenty-first century classic. You need to watch it."

"Was there a point to all this?"

"My point," Kaya said, shifting onto her side, "was that I had magical fucking powers and they got taken away. It sucks. It especially sucks because I'm still left with the really shitty part of my powers that make people want to kidnap and torture me."

"You don't want to be psychic? I always got the impression you enjoyed it," Kaidan said as he sat on the end of the bed.

"Yeah, well, I don't. I constantly feel like I'm violating everyone around me. But, the sad truth is – as Malik and Van Dyne have shown – I don't know how to be around people any more without it. I mean, shit, I'm bad enough around people _with _my powers."

"We don't feel violated," Kaidan insisted. "Well, I mean, maybe we do. But, we've gotten used to it."

Kaya muttered something unintelligible under her breath, as her face grew rather red.

"Do I want to–"

"No," Kaya answered quickly. She took a deep breath and slowly sat up, looking Kaidan in the eye. He made to help her up, and she waved him away impatiently. Finally, she was sitting upright, her neck throbbing, as she asked, "I'm making the right choice, right?"

"The kind of work they would need to do on your amp – it's dangerous. Really dangerous. And totally not worth it. You're enough of a badass without your biotics."

"Without my biotics, a lot more people would have died at the Academy, Kaidan."

"Well, then it's up to me not to put you in that kind of situation again."

"You–" Kaya stopped, studying him. "You still want me aboard the Normandy?"

"I have a lot of soldiers on my ship that aren't biotics, Kaya. If the docs here give you the all clear before we get out of dry dock, I want you on the Normandy. It's still the safest place for you outside of a damn prison, and we need your help."

"I – thank you," Kaya said, taking his hand. "Really, I appreciate the vote of confidence. Although, you know, Jeff's not going to be happy about this. He was looking forward to me getting out of the line of fire."

"You know that's not true – no, don't interrupt me," Kaidan said, raising his voice slightly. "We all have those thoughts. There's always going to be a part of me that wishes Liara wasn't the Shadow Broker and Shepard wasn't, well, Shepard. But the dangerous things we do make us who we are. We make these choices for the good of the galaxy, knowing that we're putting ourselves in harms way and possibly leaving our loved ones behind one day. And part of loving each other is respecting that decision, no matter how much it hurts. Joker respects you. He loves you. And he knows that this is your fight."

"Damn straight," Kaya said. She tried to lay back down. Kaidan had to help her, bracing her shoulders and slowing lowering her. She grabbed his shoulder with her good arm. "Now, let's go get these sons of bitches."


	16. Reunion

"I came as soon as I was able."

Samara was the first to answer Shepard's call. While the Justicar had never particularly warmed Garrus's heart, she seemed to have made an impression on Ashley the night before. The small turian quickly approached "Auntie Samara" and requested a story. Shepard could see the conflict in Samara's eyes: the pain of not being able to have any more of her own children and the comfort she took in their presence.

She began to tell an old asari tale about the goddess Athame. Liara looked on, apparently lost in a reverie. Shepard wondered if she was thinking about Benezia or Javik. Or, maybe she was just wondering where the hell Kaidan was. He had gone to visit Kaya in the hospital hours ago, but they had not gotten any news since then except for a short "Everything's fine. Will explain later."

The doorbell rang. It was Steve who was next in line to answer the call. He came through the door, holding up an extra case of beer as Vega followed behind.

"Picked this up. I figured, if we're about to go on a crazy dangerous mission, we're gonna need some _cerveza._"

"Yeah, and I picked up _this_ for you, Lola," James said, tossing a bottle of liquor at Shepard. He sounded a bit like a younger brother trying to one-up his sibling. Shepard caught the bottle, and he said, "Look out, the commander's still got it. Anyway, I figured you and Scars were probably itching for something stronger. Especially since we almost cleared out the bar the other night."

The homecoming party for Ash and Andy seemed like ages ago. Had it really been less than a week? It seemed like so much had changed. Now, they were getting the old crew back together. To go after a faction in the freaking Alliance. It was too surreal to really sink in.

"I still think you're wrong!" Shepard could hear Jack yelling from down the hall.

Shepard and Garrus exchanged a look, and she quickly decided to intervene before _whatever _was going on reached their relatively tranquil abode and the children inside. When she opened the door, Kaidan and Jack were down the hall by the elevator, arguing.

"Jack, she could die! Or at least be paralyzed! I don't care how strong her biotics are. I don't care if she could 'still be a badass bitch in a wheelchair.' I'm not putting her through that, and you need to stop acting like a selfish child."

Whoa. Shepard was able to put the pieces together on what it meant for Kaya, but it still shocked her to see _Kaidan_ yelling at _Jack_. He had been mildly terrified of her, the first time they met at that party before attacking the Cerberus base. Now he was putting Jack in her place. Shepard felt oddly proud.

"Shepard!" Jack suddenly noticed her walking toward them, having quickly closed the front door. She immediately looked admonished, and at least did not seem willing to press this issue with Shepard. Good.

"Jack, get inside and try not to break anything," Shepard said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Jack narrowed her eyes but said nothing. When the door had closed behind her, Shepard turned to Kaidan.

"Her implant's fried?"

"Toast," Kaidan said. "It's too dangerous for her to still use, and it can't be repaired. Shepard, I am not asking her to replace it. Hell, I wouldn't _let _her even if she wanted to. We can do this without her biotics."

"Agreed," Shepard said. "Just make sure you keep her more heavily protected. I know she's been holding her own out there, but she's been doing it relying heavily on her biotics. I've read the reports. I wish I could send Garrus with you to keep working on her shooting."

"Yeah, something tells me that a rogue Turian Councilor going after the Alliance guns blazing would make for some bad press. And a diplomatic incident."

"I hate this. Have I mentioned that already?" Shepard groaned.

"Hey, now," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "These calls you're making are going to make a big difference. Hell, we're pretty much pulling together the team that took down the Collector base, plus a few extras who have some Reaper-killing experience. We can handle a rogue Alliance faction."

"Yeah, it's just – look, I already love Ash and Andy. I do. But the timing here is really shit."

"When have we ever had good timing, Shepard? And still, we pull through all right. I won't lie and say that having you along wouldn't be great, but you have a life here. A life that, at least for the time being, doesn't involve running, jumping, and shooting mercs. Just try to enjoy it, and we'll be okay without you. I promise."

"Thanks. I needed to hear that," Shepard sighed. She cracked her knuckles and then her neck before asking, "How are Kaya and Joker?"

"Kaya's taking it in stride. Of course, she's done that before and then flipped out on us. I'm keeping a careful eye on her," Kaidan said. "And Joker's pretending to be indignant about Kaya coming on this mission. But, come on, he knows she belongs on the Normandy. He'd be protesting a lot louder otherwise. They're on their way now with Dr. Chakwas."

As they headed back down the hall, Shepard said, "You know, Major, you're really getting the hang of this commanding-a-ship thing. I'm proud of you."

"That's quite possibly the nicest thing you've ever said to me, Shepard," he said, looking a little shocked, as she opened the door. "Thank you, Commander."

Liara had begun to play a piece on the piano. Shepard recognized this as her anxious playing, the way she would when she came over to the apartment after a particularly bad day while Kaidan was away. Shepard placed a hand on Liara's shoulder, hoping she got the message. _Hey, we've been through worse, remember?_

Suddenly – Shepard must have zoned out listening to Liara's piece – Dr. Chakwas was sitting beside Liara at the piano. The two began to play together. Shepard had no idea that the Doctor could play, but she did so beautifully.

Shepard turned to see Kaya giving a couple of sodas to the marines that had accompanied them back from the hospital, now standing just outside the door. She was really trying to be less of a pain in the ass, and Shepard found herself impressed. Kaya gave Shepard a little wave before going to sit between Vega and Joker on the couch.

They listened to Liara and Chakwas play for a while, sipping beer while Ash and Andy played with some model ships on the carpet. Shepard felt her head growing heavy, and she leaned into Garrus's shoulder. It had been a long damn week.

* * *

><p>Kaya awoke with a start. Once again, she had been on the Citadel talking to the Catalyst and making that impossible choice. And once again, she awoke with a distinct sense of unease. She supposed that was normal, but Kaya remembered once thinking these memories were bittersweet. A lot was lost, but the galaxy was saved. Maybe it was just that her nightmares had become less frequent, so there were fewer horrors to compare that day to. Or maybe that nagging voice in the back of her head saying that something was wrong was right.<p>

Jeff stirred beside her. It was still only very early in the morning, and she tried to motion him to go back to sleep. Of course, he did not listen.

"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting up.

"Just a bad dream," Kaya said.

She found her hands moving absentmindedly to her implant port at the back of her neck. A large bandage still covered where the surgery had occurred. It no longer hurt – a good amount of painkillers and Medi-gel had seen to that – but it felt strange not to have the amp in. She had just gotten so used to it.

Kaya could feel Jeff worrying beside her, so she felt the need to press on. "The Citadel. The Catalyst. Again. But, I'm not shaky. I'm not panicked. I'm okay. Really."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "And your head? Your back? Are you in pain?"

"I feel … tired," she decided. "But, otherwise, I really feel pretty normal. I – Tali's here."

She could hear – _feel, whatever_ – Tali and Samantha Traynor coming up the elevator. Shepard and Garrus were still asleep, so Kaya gently disentangled herself from Jeff and went to get the door. He started getting up as well, albeit rather reluctantly. Jeff had just begun to wonder if they could perhaps slip in some early morning intimacy before everyone else woke up.

"In Shepard and Garrus's apartment? Seriously?" Kaya whispered, laughing silently as she pulled on some sweatpants. Kaya had never been able to sleep with bottoms on. She had even ended up outside the dorms once in her underwear – still fairly drunk – in college during a midnight fire drill. Never lived that one down.

Tali and Traynor were at the door when Kaya eventually made her way sleepily there. There was a new set of marines guarding the door, a fact that caused Traynor to raise her eyebrows in inquisition at Kaya. Tali gave Kaya a hug as they stepped inside. The two had been keeping up on the extranet.

"Garrus and Shepard are still asleep," Kaya said, keeping her voice low. The two had been sleeping with the door open. "The marines are for me, Traynor. And you guys are awfully early."

"We both got onto the Citadel late last night," Tali explained, "but we did not want to wake anyone."

"We ran into each other at the docks and have just been hanging out, having some girl time," Traynor added.

"You two haven't slept?" Kaya said. "Go take the downstairs bedroom. Jeff and I are up anyway."

"Cheers," Traynor said without a second thought, sounding exhausted as she headed in that direction.

Tali, however, stayed behind. She laughed a little at Jeff's feeble non-verbal protests at having his bed stolen. "I'm not tired. How are you both doing? What happened at the Academy?"

"It was an ambush," Kaya explained. "Do you want some coffee? Do we have dextro coffee? Do quarians drink coffee?"

"We have a kind of tea that increases energy. I'll see if Garrus has some," Tali said, walking over to the kitchen. Kaya and Jeff followed as Tali said pointedly, "You didn't answer my first question."

"We're fine, Tali," Jeff said. "Well, mostly fine, anyway. There is the whole the Alliance is trying to kidnap my girlfriend thing. That can be a downer."

"And I lost my biotics."

"Keelah – wait, how is that even possible?"

"Blew out my port. Did some serious damage that fused some wiring with my CNS," Kaya explained. She saw Jeff's eyebrows shoot toward his hairline. Apparently he had not realized the damage was _that _bad. "It's fine. Totally won't cause any problems, as long as I don't have an amp hooked up. But it can't be repaired."

"_That's _your definition of mostly fine?" Tali asked. She appeared to find the tea and started brewing herself a cup.

Kaya shrugged. "It's all relative, right? Thanks for coming, by the way. I forgot to say that earlier."

"Of course we came," Tali said. "Even if we did not give a damn about you – and I, for one, do – the idea of _any _race trying to create a small army of soldiers with mind-control powers is more than a little disconcerting. Shepard wasn't sure when I talked to her, but who else is coming?"

"Liara's headed back aboard," Jeff said. "Samara's here, so that will be interesting. Steve's in. Grunt's even supposed to be showing up later. And so is Kasumi–"

"Oh, I'm here," Kasumi said, suddenly lowering her cloaking.

Kaya burst out laughing at the look of surprise on Jeff's face and the shock she felt running through Tali. She laughed long and hard enough to wake up Shepard and Garrus.

"You knew she was here!" Jeff accused.

"Since last night," Kasumi explained. "Don't worry, the marines outside _did _catch me. But, I was on the guest list."

"I enjoy letting someone else observe everyone's behavior anonymously," Kaya said with a shrug.

"You are a terrible role model," Jeff said. "Shouldn't you be trying to fill some kind of parental role? She is your cousin's granddaughter."

"That's what I'm doing."

"I think your definition of 'parental role' could use some work," Tali said.

"I think your definition of 'sleep' could use some work," Shepard said groggily as she walked down the stairs. "And, what the damn hell, Kasumi?"

Kaya and Kasumi exchanged a smirking, sideways glance. Kaya could now see what Kasumi had meant about there being a family resemblance. Their mischievous grins were almost identical.

"Reporting in for duty, Shep," Kasumi said.

"How the hell did I get stuck with two of you," Shepard grumbled.

* * *

><p>Kaya made breakfast again. Eggs, bacon, and hash browns. As penance, Kasumi was helping to clean up the kitchen as the rest of the team settled into talk strategy. Ashley and Anderson were sitting on the floor in the middle of the conversation. Andy was oblivious as he built a structure out of holoblocks, but Ashley was listening rather intently.<p>

"So, no work from Lawson or Massani?" Kaidan was asking Shepard. He and Liara had arrived in the middle of breakfast. Kaya was surprised to find that Kaidan was disappointed about their absence. Miranda had apparently grown on him last time they went after these bastards.

"I knew Zaeed was a long shot. He was pretty serious about that retirement," Shepard said. "I'm a little worried about Miranda, though. I haven't heard from her in a couple of months."

"What about Jacob?" Kasumi called from the kitchen. Kaya rolled her eyes.

"Sitting this one out," Shepard responded, resisting the urge to mimic Kaya's expression. "He does have a five year old son, and another one on the way. I get it."

_Changes your priorities, _Shepard thought. _Never thought _I _would be sitting out a mission, either._

"Liara," Shepard continued, "do you have anything for us?"

"I have a lead," she said. Liara's confidence had been shaken over the past couple of days. She still blamed herself for not knowing about the attack at Grissom Academy. But, she seemed in her element now. She pulled up her Omni-tool and projected a map of Earth in the center of the group. "I traced my source to a lab on Earth, near the city of Los Angeles. It's a small biotech company called Blackfish Industries. They manufacture biotic implants."

Great. Another city that Kaya had once called home, now filled with nothing but ghosts and bittersweet memories.

"Sounds like a good lead," Shepard said, glancing back almost involuntarily at Kaya. "What's your plan, Kaidan?"

A momentary discomfort passed over Kaidan. It was still strange, being in the lead, especially with Shepard sitting right across from him. But, he had been commanding his own ship for six months, and he took the passing of the torch in stride.

"I know it's a risk, but we need to take Kaya, Malik, and Van Dyne to the ground," Kaidan said. When he saw Jeff beginning to protest, he continued quickly, "It will be all hands on deck. We'll split into squads, scope out the perimeter. See if Kaya or the others can pick up on anything from the outside. Liara, do we know anything more about what we might find?"

"We do," Liara said. "The company is supposed to be on a temporary shut down for some human holiday. My agents report that the campus is almost completely empty. There are a few security personnel and executives seen entering and leaving from time to time, but you should be able to get in and out undetected."

Christmas. Kaya had not even realized, but she supposed it was in fact December.

"Right. Kasumi and Tali, if we decide to go in, you'll be on security," Kaidan said. "Traynor will stay on the ship and help Liara sort through any intel coming in. Vega and Steve, I want you on Kaya. Samara and Jack will take Agent Malik, while Grunt and I will _protect _Van Dyne."

Kaya found herself analyzing Kaidan's reasoning, along with the rest of the crew. Even in her state, he was betting on Kaya being able to protect herself. More importantly, he was betting on her _not _turning on them. Malik and Van Dyne were still unknown variables; the stronger squads were designed to take them out more than keep them safe.

Jeff was a bit slower in coming to the same conclusion. Kaya felt him freeze up beside her, ready to protest, as she put a hand on his shoulder.

"Steve's a damn good shot," she whispered. "Kaidan's gone toe to toe with him at the Arena a few times. And the Indigo Twins need people who can take them out, if need be."

That seemed to just barely placate him. "I still wish Liara was going to the ground. She could have your back," Jeff whispered.

"Liara's biotics are impressive, but she's more valuable playing Shadow Broker. This could shift under out feet fast," Kaya whispered. Then, she felt someone in the elevator and raised her voice. "Hey, Grunt's here."

The young krogan greeted his old battlemaster with a "Shepard!" and what Kaya could only describe as a bro-hug. With Grunt's arrival, and word from the docks that the Normandy was ready, it was time for the crew to head out.

As they headed down the hall, Kaya heard Shepard pull Kaidan aside and say, "It's a good plan. You call me if you need anything, okay?"


	17. Angels

As they came through the first mass relay jump, James walked to the front of the bridge. Joker could tell it was him from the way he lumbered, boots heavy on the metal floor, as well as how he stopped several feet away from the pilot's chair.

"If you want me to talk to Alenko about changing up the squad assignments, I will," he said.

Joker remained focused on the console, getting ready for the jump to the Sol system. He thought about what Kaya had said earlier. He did not doubt that Steve could hold his own outside of a shuttle or a fighter jet, and there was a part of him that knew she was right about Malik and Van Dyne needing more protection. But, the meaning behind Vega's words was clear: I fucked up last time you trusted me.

"If I wanted the squad assignments changed, I would yell at Kaidan," Joker finally said. "I … I know you won't make the same mistake twice."

"Damn straight. Thanks, man. I – you know I care about her, right? What happened at the Academy–"

"Won't happen again," Joker finished for him. "Yeah, it had better not, or you're not allowed back on the ship."

"Right. Well. Yeah," James said awkwardly. "Let's just finish this, then. Get those Indigo kids off the ship. They're creeping me out."

"Yeah, no kidding," Joker said. "Was Kaya that creepy when she first came aboard? Because I don't remember her being that creepy."

"I don't think so," James laughed. "Then again, you were eye-banging her the whole time."

"Yeah, and that's all I get to do now until those assholes get off my ship," Joker muttered.

"Hah! You're serious? Blue can dish it, but she can't take it, huh?"

"Says she can feel them watching her," Joker grumbled. "So, until they're gone, I am going to be packing a serious case of blue balls."

"Yeah, well, all the more reason to get this done quickly," Vega said. "I've got to get my girl laid. That – that came out wrong. I meant – you know – cause she's my bro."

"Get off the bridge, Vega," Joker said, a laugh just barely in his voice.

* * *

><p>As they stepped off the Normandy in Los Angeles, Kaya found herself taking a deep breath. It <em>smelled <em>the same. Asphalt, cool rain, and just the tiniest hint of salt. It was early in the morning on this part of Earth, and the marine layer was thick in the air. They could barely see a hundred feet in front of them.

"This looks more like Vancouver than L.A.," Kaidan said, looking around suspiciously. "Joker, you sure you brought us to the right port?"

Kaya and Vega laughed. "No one ever remembers what L.A. looks like in the winter," she said. "It _does _actually rain here, Alenko."

They grabbed a few rental skycars. Kaya, Kasumi, and James piled into the one Steve was driving. As they flew over the hills, in the pass between the city proper at the San Fernando Valley, Kaya felt her chest tighten. Here, away from all the noise of the city, the protected hills were _exactly _as she remembered. Kaya had first gotten a skycar in Los Angeles, while she was attending medical school. She had flown into the hills frequently, especially in the winter, taking in the bright green under grey skies to unwind after a particularly bad day of exams or rounds. Now, just as back then, it helped take the edge off.

"When all of this is done," Kaya said to Jeff over her comm, "you and I will have to come out here."

Normally, she would suggest a hike. There were even some waterfalls at the end of a trail not far from their current position. Maybe they could off-road a skycar instead.

He must have detected the sad note in her voice, because Jeff said, "You okay there?"

"Yeah, just feeling nostalgic," Kaya sighed. "Man, last time I was in L.A. in December … well, it was Christmas. My mom was visiting during my last year of medical school. My grandparents came in from Atlanta. It was nice."

"I didn't know you celebrated Christmas," Jeff said.

"My family wasn't religious, true. But, we still celebrated. Would go buy a tree out in the hills and everything," she said with a sad smile. "Christmas was always my favorite. There's just that _feeling _in the air, you know? Everyone remembers, even if just for a day, what it means to be human."

"When all this is over, maybe we can rent a place for the holidays," Jeff offered. "I'll invite Gunnie. That'll surprise her."

"I'd like that," Kaya said, as the Valley came into view. It was a lot different than she remembered. There were more skyscrapers, and the sky was less filled with smog. She could actually see the hills at the other side.

They touched down a couple blocks from the labs and changed into their armor. As they approached the perimeter of the Blackfish Industries campus, Kaya, Van Dyne, and Malik all shared a look. The labs weren't just running a skeleton crew. It was _completely _empty. Not a single security staff member was nearby.

"Maybe they have mechs?" Malik offered. "It _is_ only two days before Christmas."

"The labs are empty of any sentient beings," Van Dyne explained to the rest of the crew.

"Right. Kasumi and Tali, do your thing," Kaidan ordered.

There were mechanical sentries, although not nearly enough to protect a place that could be connected something this shady. Something was off, and everyone felt it. Kasumi and Tali were able to disable the robots easily enough, and Kaidan told them to find a security console and stay there to assist. He split up the squads, sending Malik's team to the executive offices and Kaya's into the east labs. Kaidan, Grunt, and Van Dyne would take the west labs. He ordered everyone to check in every five minutes and do a thorough sweep.

* * *

><p>"I'm picking up an encrypted signal being broadcast near your location," Liara said over the comm. "Sam and I and trying to clean it up, but you might have better luck on your end. It looks like its being jammed by something on the ground."<p>

"Right, send me the navpoint," Kaidan said, looking down at his Omni-tool. They had been sweeping through the labs for twenty minutes, but there had been no sign of anything suspicious. It was just an engineering lab, with equipment Kaidan did not recognize at the core and cubicles around the edges. He had bugged a few of the computers, but everything Traynor was sifting through so far came back clean. Kaidan knew better than to question Liara's intel, but the quiet was unexpected.

"I'll be the one to say it," Grunt said. "This is a lot more boring than what I was promised. Where's something I can shoot?"

"Careful what you ask for, Krogan," Van Dyne said. "I for one would be perfectly happy if this ended up being a routine intelligence gathering operation."

"Can we at least turn on some of the mechs?" Grunt offered. "Just to make it a little challenging."

"We don't want anyone to know we were here," Kaidan said. "Speaking of which, Kasumi, we're scrubbed from the feeds, right?"

"You hurt me," Kasumi said over the comm. "Of course you are, Major."

"Like we were never even here," Van Dyne said with an approving nod. This was apparently more of the sort of operation he was used to. It was the kind Kaya was _supposed _to be used to, but the Alliance and Council had kept sending them missions that got out quickly of hand. "Dr. Cole would be bored to tears with my kind of missions, Major."

"Do you even try to stay out of anyone's head?" Kaidan groaned.

"As I'm sure Dr. Cole as mentioned, that's not technically possible unless your target has deployed mental shielding," Van Dyne responded matter-of-factly. "It's not intentional. Anyway, I think that's our console."

He pointed with his assault rifle to a cubicle against the far wall. They approached, and something took a scan of them. Apparently satisfied, it began to play a holographic video of a young man Kaidan had never seen before.

"My name is Nathaniel Cain. If you are receiving this message, then you have found the connection between Blackfish and the Blacklight Chapter. If you are not already aware, I have a warning for you. Blacklight is hiding a fifteenth telepath. They have had her since she was a child, shielding her from the Indigo Project. I believe she has been brainwashed. I don't know how powerful she is. I don't know whether her abilities match that of Dr. Cole. But, the reports I have been able to decrypt indicate that she is strong, ruthless, and completely in their pocket. She has already been successful in a variety of black-ops missions.

"I believe she and a crew of mercenaries hired by Blacklight are going to attempt to attack Grissom Academy, to abduct the other Project Indigo students. Lieutenant Kaylee Sanders must be warned. I have been unable to get through the firewalls at Grissom to reach her. I suspect the Blacklight operative will then go after Agent Malik and Agent Van Dyne. I only hope they received my warning and are currently in hiding. Blacklight will go after Dr. Cole last, if they go after her at all. None of my intelligence indicates they are targeting Cole. I find this strange, however, given the powers they describe in her files. It is almost as if they _want _her under the command of Major Alenko.

"If you are seeing this, I am almost certainly dead. If not, then I have gone into hiding, and I ask that you please don't look for me. I'm just a simple scientist who happened to find the seedy underbelly of his own company. But, I had to get this information out there. What Blacklight is planning – what they could do with his kind of power. It's unthinkable. They have to be stopped. And I – I had to correct the sins of my grandfather. Dr. Cole, if you're watching this, then I am sorry. My grandfather was sorry as well. He deeply regretted what happened to you, and I wish he could have found out that you survived. Good luck. Cain out."

The squad stood in shocked silence. Kaidan found himself angry that they had not received the warning about the Academy in time and worried by everything else Cain said. If this Blacklight group already had a telepath, they were even more dangerous than the team had predicted in their worst-case scenario.

* * *

><p>Steve was sweeping the hall behind them as the door opened. Kaya and James stepped in. It was another lab, set up with some equipment that looked very fancy but held almost no meaning for Kaya. She heard the door close with a <em>hiss <em>behind them, and that was when she realized Steve was still on the other side.

She turned, brow furrowed, to see that it had locked again. "Oh, god damn it. That took freaking forever to open, too."

"Kaya," James said tersely.

She felt a distinct pang of panic emanating from him. Kaya turned to see James standing, back turned to her with his body tensed up. His posture reminded Kaya with a jolt of Anderson up on the Citadel, at the end of the Reaper invasion.

"Kasumi!" Kaya shouted over the comm. "Get this door open, now!"

But, as Steve banged on the door behind them, Kaya realized their communications were being jammed. A figure stepped out from behind some of the lab equipment. A red-headed woman, certainly not that much older than Kaya. Her hazel eyes danced mischievously, but there was only silence behind them.

"I was wondering when I would get to meet you," she said with a sneer. "They all talked about you. The great Dr. Kaya Cole. Most powerful telepath in the known galaxy."

"Let go of him," Kaya growled slowly, pulling her gun.

"Now, now. Don't be hasty," the woman warned. "Shoot him, and I short out his central nervous system. It's _surprisingly _easy to do. My handlers always got so annoyed when I 'accidentally' did it to a test subject."

Kaya stepped forward, putting herself between James and the redhead with her gun still raised. She noticed that the woman was unarmed, but Kaya supposed she did not need her own weapon. Inside James's head, Kaya could hear him screaming, trying to fight back. But that bitch was controlling every muscle.

"Don't do it," the woman said. "Try to fight me inside his head, and you will definitely kill him."

There was no way to know if the woman was bluffing. Kaya moved her finger to the trigger.

"What do you want?" she said.

"I have a message, to your friends from mine," the woman said. Steve was still banging on the door, shouting to ask if they were okay. "Tell them that if they don't stop, more of you die."

Kaya didn't get the opportunity to ask in a strangled voice who the woman was talking about. She felt a strong gust of wind at her back, and then pain slicing through her abdomen. The bullets riddled her left side: her spine, her kidneys. She saw the blood spray out on the floor in front of her and fell in agony to the ground.

"No!"

James was screaming behind her, still fighting the redheaded woman's control, the gun warm in his hand. He was bringing the assault rifle to Kaya's head.

"You bitch," Kaya whispered, bringing a hand to her stomach. Blood was pouring through her armor. "James, get ready to run."

And then, with a short prayer that it would not be the last thing she ever did, Kaya threw out a biotic blast.


	18. Fury

James Vega punched his fist through the wall with a frustrated yell. Esteban immediately stepped forward and grabbed his arm as he swung back and prepared to do it again. Vega was about to throw him off, but a nurse yelled, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He turned to her, arm still in the air. She was looking at him with cold fury, a slight thing not at all intimidated by an N7 marine. She reminded him of Blue. He let his arm fall.

"We'll pay for the damages," Kaidan said quickly. "Bring me whatever paperwork you need to."

In the UCLA hospital waiting room, everyone looked at James with varying expressions of shock or pity or worry. They had rushed Blue through the door on a stretcher not five minutes before, and the nurses had forcefully insisted that no one else was allowed beyond. She was so pale, and so cold. There hadn't been time to apply Medi-gel properly as they ran from the labs, yelling at the other squads to meet back at the skycars ASAP.

Blue's biotic blast had knocked everyone in the room out cold. When Vega came to, the redhead was already gone. Blue was on the ground, white as the floor with a puddle of red spilling out beneath her. He thought she was dead, until Esteban rushed in and felt a pulse.

James could not bring himself to look at Joker. He had failed. He had broken his promise _again. _

He had shot her.

James looked down at his hands. He had pulled the trigger. Held it down. _Dios_, he had aimed at her head. And, no matter how hard he fought and screamed and cried inside his own mind, there had been no way to stop that redheaded bitch. He would have killed her.

Maybe he already had.

Agent Malik put a slight hand on James's shoulder. "She's still alive. She's still fighting. I can feel her in there."

James looked at her, wanting to jerk away violently and yell. This wasn't her fight. Wasn't her friend. They should just get out. But, while Blue always talked about the Indigo Twins having "empty" eyes, Pari's were filled with concern. And hope. There was something about her quiet demeanor and determined expression that reminded him of Treeya.

James looked around the waiting room. Kaidan had an arm around Liara as if he was trying to comfort her, but he looked ready to go to pieces himself. Vega knew that anguish, the pain of making a call that got one of your squad injured or worse. Van Dyne was leaning sullenly against a wall, watching James wearily. Sam was doing something on her Omni-tool, no doubt trying to lose herself in work. Samara and Grunt were standing somewhat awkwardly off to the side.

Jack was outside somewhere, probably throwing things with her biotics. She had followed them in as they rushed frantically though the hospital halls, but she immediately ran back out as soon as they were denied entry to the operating room. Vega had no idea where Kasumi had gone. He found himself wondering if she had cloaked herself and slipped beyond the "HOSPITAL PERSONNEL ONLY" doors.

Tali had an arm around Joker. James had not been able to look at the Normandy's pilot until now, and he found himself wishing he never had. Joker was almost as pale as Blue had been. He held his head in his hands, and his wide eyes were looking blankly to the floor.

"Someone has to get in touch with Shepard," Kaidan was saying. "And the Council. They need to know about that other telepath."

He walked out. Liara looked like she wanted to follow after, but she stopped herself and walked over to Sam instead. The two spoke in hushed whispers about something.

Pari's hand was still on James's shoulder. He nodded at her. "Okay. Keep me posted, yeah?"

* * *

><p>"Major Alenko is on vidcomm," the VI said.<p>

"Fu– finally," Shepard said, looking with relief over to Garrus as she caught herself. Watching the language was still hard, and they were putting Ash and Andy down for a nap. Shepard kissed both children on the forehead and followed Garrus to the study.

When Kaidan appeared in front of them, he looked visibly shaken. His hair was in disarray and Shepard swore he looked pale.

"What happened?" she asked immediately.

"The lab was – it was a trap, Shepard. Blacklight – the Alliance cell, that's what they call themselves – they have a telepath. She attacked Kaya. She's – she's in surgery now."

"Surgery? How bad is it?" Garrus asked, taking Shepard's hand.

"She – the telepath – oh, man." Kaidan stopped, running a hand through his hair. "The telepath has powers like Kaya's. She – she forced Vega to shoot Kaya."

"What?" Shepard gasped. She was having a hard time deciding who to be more concerned about at the moment, but she also felt a rage building inside. This bitch used one of her squad against another member of her squad. She was going to pay.

"How bad is it?" Garrus asked.

"I don't know, yet," Kaidan admitted. "Like I said, she's in surgery now. Listen, before she got shot, we found a recording left by our anonymous source. I'm sending it to you now."

Garrus and Shepard watched the recording in stunned silence. Shepard had to brace herself against the bar. Her head was spinning, and she did not know which piece of information to start with.

"That was Kaya's handler's grandson," Garrus said, shaking his head. "How did he – what did he mean about them _wanting _Kaya to be aboard the Normandy?"

"It's something I should have realized earlier, Garrus," Kaidan said hoarsely. "Remember when we found Kaya? Remember how the rest of the science team was already dead? Van Dyne and I had a theory – but with everything happening, I haven't had time to sit down and really _think _about it."

"Somebody else was at the clinic," Shepard realized. "And they left Kaya behind, after paving a way for us."

Kaidan nodded gravely. "If they already had a telepath with Kaya's powers – Shepard, what if it's like she's indoctrinated? What if they can control her somehow?"

"Then you know what you have to do," Shepard said. "Damn it, I really wish Javik was around. Never thought I'd hear myself say that."

Both Kaidan and Garrus shot her an inquisitive look at that, so Shepard explained, "Javik and I had … had a deal, after that whole incident with my clone. If it was ever apparent that _I _was not the real Shepard, well – oh, don't look at me like that! I knew none of you would be able to pull the trigger! But, Kaidan, if it comes to it–"

"No way!" Kaidan protested. "There's got to be something we can do. Some way we could–"

"It's what she would want, Kaidan," Shepard said softly. "It's what any of us would want, instead of going through what Vega's going through. I remember … when I pulled the trigger and shot Anderson, up on the Citadel. That feeling – no one should have to go through that. No one should have to hurt the people they care about against their will."

Kaidan and Garrus both grew quiet at that. There was a somber, heavy silence for a long time, before Garrus finally said, "You need to tell Admiral Hackett. Now that we have real intel about this faction in the Alliance, he needs to know."

"I know. And I know we need to get moving before the trail gets cold. I know I should be used to this by now, but–"

"You never get used to losing a soldier," Garrus said. "And you never should. But, we haven't lost Kaya. Not yet."

* * *

><p>After hanging up with Shepard and Garrus – he was still reeling about what he might have to do, if it came to that – Kaidan realized he needed to just get the call with Hackett finished. At least it would distract him a little bit longer. Being in that waiting room was unbearable.<p>

"Major Alenko," the Admiral greeted him. "What's this about?"

"It's – it's Project Indigo, sir. We have new intel that I think you should hear." Kaidan forwarded the recording to Hackett and watched his response.

"Dr. Cole–"

"There's a contingency plan in place," Kaidan said stiffly, hardly able to believe the words as they left his lips. "But, she was injured while we obtained this intel. The unknown telepath – a red-haired woman, according to Lieutenant Commander Vega – ambushed us. She has abilities similar to Kai– to Dr. Cole's. She can control the actions of other people."

"This is extremely bad news, Major," Hackett said, pacing uncharacteristically in front of the vidcomm. "But, we have our own intelligence that just got verified. I.A. has been conducting an investigation. I – I can't say any more, not even over this channel. I need you to come to Alliance HQ in person."

"I'll bring the team. We've assembled quite a bit of Shepard's old squad."

"Good. I'll make contact with the Los Angeles office and have them station a contingent of marines at the hospital. Given what Cain said–"

"Yes, sir," Kaidan said. The unspoken words were heavy between them. _Given what Cain said, they might need to take her out._

"I'll be expecting you within the next couple of hours, Major. Hackett out."

* * *

><p>Joker did not even realize that Kaidan had sat down next to him until he spoke. "Hackett wants us to go to HQ. Says he has some intel. We're going to get these sons of bitches. I–"<p>

Whatever Kaidan was going to say, he apparently decided against it. Joker turned his cap over in his hands, saying nothing. Kaidan never asked if Joker was coming, for which he was grateful.

The waiting was agony. He did not know how many hours had ticked on, but the sun had started to glare through a western window. If Joker thought he had gotten used to this, from staying behind on the Normandy while everyone else put their lives on the line, then he was quite sorely mistaken. Agent Malik kept giving them small updates, continuing to try and reassure the team that Kaya was still alive. She was fighting. She was going to make it. He felt Tali's arm on his shoulder and tried to take comfort in it, but everything felt empty. Hollow.

Some marines arrived and started talking with Kaidan. Hackett had requested them as a guard unit, for when the Normandy departed. They would have to leave soon. Joker felt no remorse about leaving the Normandy in someone else's hands, a fact that thoroughly surprised him. He had finally found something more important, and not even his ship nor a strong thirst for vengeance could pull him away.

"Jeff!"

Joker turned his head to find the source of a very familiar voice, and he saw Gunnie running through the waiting room, followed by Jack. Gunnie threw her arms around her brother, gently as she could remember to, and gave him a hug.

"How – where did you – what?"

"Your friend Jack called me," Gunnie explained, leaving Joker to shoot a startled look at Jack. She was leaning against the far wall, still trying to escape everyone else's moroseness. She gave a little shrug and the faintest smile. Joker knew this was for Kaya instead of him, but he greatly appreciated it all the same. He tried to smile back, but it was as if his face had forgotten how.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" Joker asked, letting his big brother concern kick in. It was a welcome distraction.

"I finished my exams yesterday," she explained. "Caught the first shuttle from Oakland. How – I mean – what do you guys know?"

"They moved her from intensive care to the neurosurgery unit," Tali said, when Joker seemed unable to find the words. "So, the worst is over, but we don't know anything more."

Gunnie sighed with a cautious sort of relief and took the seat Kaidan had recently vacated. She linked her arm with Joker's and rested her head against his shoulder. "I did well on my exams," she offered weakly after a while. "At least, I think I did. Not really sure where I came out on my quantum mechanics final Monday. I mean, everyone thought it was hard, I guess. I totally aced my Asari literature class, though. _That _I know. And the professor's even kind of a hardass."

He listened to her prattle on about classes. Joker had not had enough time lately to ask her about them. To ask about anything, really. Her attempt at distracting him was nice, and he found himself actually trying to pay attention. Until an older man in a white coat walked through the surgery ward doors.

Joker stood, shaking, and approached the doctor. Gunnie still had her arm linked in his, and Tali and Liara were both hovering close behind.

"The worst is over," the doctor said, and Joker felt like a literal weight had lifted from his shoulders. "We were able to transplant a kidney and repair her intestines. Her nervous system was pretty badly damaged. We did our best – and our best is damn good – but we won't know how fully she's recovered until she wakes up. And I have to warn you, that may take time. Weeks, even. She is still currently in a coma, but we believe she will come out of it."

"Can I see her?"

"I will allow _two _people to go into the recovery room. No more," the doctor said sternly.

"You two go," Tali said, looking at Gunnie and Joker. She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"As soon as we talk to Hackett," Liara added, "I'll try to get word to you about what's going on."

Joker nodded weakly. He could not bring himself to look at Kaidan or Vega. Instead, he just let Gunnie lead him after the doctor. The walk to Kaya's room seemed far too long, and there was nothing that could have prepared Joker for the sight of her.

They had shaved her head, and it was covered in bandages. She was still horrifically pale. There was a breathing mask over her mouth and more wires and tubes going into her arms than he could count. She breathed slowly in time with the machine beside her bed as the heart monitor beeped away. Joker had spent plenty of time in hospitals, but he had never looked half so bad as this. The doctor had made it sound like everything was going to be okay. He lied. Kaya looked like a ghost.

Gunnie let go of his arm, and he hobbled over to the bedside. There was a cushioned rocking chair there. He sat, remembering something Kaya had once said about her grandmother's house in Atlanta.

_"It has this big wrap around porch. It was great. We would go out there and drink sweet tea and watch the fireflies or lightning storms. She had all these rocking chairs, from all these different places they had traveled. It was ridiculous. More rocking chairs than anyone could ever need. But god damn did I love that porch. Still love rocking chairs. Guess that's not really standard starship issue, though, huh?"_

He could hear her voice. It seemed more real than the broken woman in front of him. He took her hand, careful not to disturb the IV line, and heard the doctor close the door behind him. And even though he swore he would be strong in front of Gunnie, Joker Moreau cried.

"You can't leave," he whispered. "You have to wake up. You have to get your ass back here so we can kick these bastards in the balls. I won't forgive you if you don't."


	19. Midway

He looked out the window in Hackett's empty office. Normally, being back here at HQ made Kaidan feel at peace. He had stayed while they rebuilt after the destruction of the Reapers, helping his mother put back together their home. He had watched this city come back to life. It was where he belonged. But even Vancouver could not quell the anger and self-loathing today.

Kaidan had even snapped at Hackett's secretary when she came in to offer him something to drink, saying that the Admiral was running late from another meeting. He would need to apologize on this way out.

This was the first time Kaidan had ever lost – No, she was not dead. People came out of comas all the time. But Dr. Chakwas had pulled aside Kaidan before they left port in Los Angeles. She had looked at Kaya's scans. There was no way Kaya got off without permanent neurological damage. It could be as mild as migraines like his or as severe as a permanent learning disability. She may not be able to speak or, worse, understand speech.

He had not felt this awful since Horizon. And, even then, Kaidan had been able to convince himself that there was nothing more he could have done. This was different. He could have changed squad configurations when they realized it was likely a trap. He could have not brought Kaya at all.

"Major Alenko," Hackett said, closing the door behind him, "What's Dr. Cole's status?"

"She's out of surgery, sir. We won't know more until she wakes up," Kaidan said, turning from the window.

Hackett seemed like a strange reflection of Kaidan. He also looked totally sleep deprived, and Kaidan started to dread hearing whatever internal affairs had found out.

"I hate to say it, Major, but I'm sending you to Virmire," Hackett sighed, gesturing over to his desk. "Admiral Thomas is there. We need you to get Agents Malik and Van Dyne close enough to him to confirm I.A.'s suspicions."

Kaidan stopped in the middle of the room. He had not returned to Virmire since Ashley's death.

"Wait – Admiral Thomas? You think _he's _the one pulling the strings?"

Kaidan remembered back to the meeting on the Citadel, when the Normandy had been handed over to his command. Back then, Thomas had referred to Kaya as a thing – _"one of our most valuable espionage assets" – _ and seemed genuinely outraged when Kaidan called him on it.

"The data packet that Dr. Cain sent indicated that someone high up in Alliance command was bankrolling Blacklight, possibly even siphoning off funds from the defense budget to do so," Hackett said, sitting down. Kaidan followed and sat across the desk from him, listening intently. "There's no definitive proof, yet. That's why we need Malik and Van Dyne. And I'll be working with Dr. T'Soni, too. I'd prefer to have more than one source on this. But there are missions the admiral went on with uncharacteristically scarce reports, assignments that should have taken half the time and resources. And Thomas has ties to Indigo. When he was just a lieutenant commander, he helped locate recruits. It could be nothing. It could be corruption related to something entirely different. We won't know until we get a team in there."

"He's likely going to recognize Malik and Van Dyne," Kaidan countered. "And I'm not sure we can trust them, anyway."

"They will need to get planetside undetected. You're not taking the Normandy for this one, Major."

* * *

><p>Aboard the SSV Midway, Kaidan was suddenly reminded of how sleek the Normandy was in comparison to the rest of the fleet. He supposed the Midway looked more like a warship should – a little rough around the edges and not designed to be comfortable – but being aboard still felt off. Then again, it could have just been that the layout was eerily similar to the old SR-1. Commander Garcia was leading them back to the communications room, pausing for a moment to check something with one of her lieutenants.<p>

"We should be on Virmire in two hours," Garcia said, gesturing inside the room. "You're welcome to stow your things in the crew quarters and use this space to discuss mission parameters. Most of my crew is unaware of what we're really after here, but this room's secure."

"Thank you, Commander," Kaidan said with a salute. He very much doubted that the crew of the SSV Midway was unaware that something odd was going on. They had just brought a krogran and an Asari Justicar aboard. He looked around at his unusual team – noting for a moment that Vega was absent, even though Kaidan had made sure he came aboard – before addressing them.

"Okay. This is going to be a covert operation. Most of us will be staying shipside unless backup is needed," Kaidan said. Grunt started pouting in the corner. "Kasumi, I want you to help Malik and Van Dyne set up some solid cloaking. The two of you will be going with Cortez and Vega to the ground. Officially, they've been reassigned while the Normandy prepares for a routine mission near Thessia.

"The Virmire colony is currently under attack from Blood Pack pirates. A pretty sizable force, looking at the reports. But the reinforcements the Alliance is sending should have everything under control. We _stay shipside _unless our ground team gets into trouble. Ground team, you're going to be looking for Admiral Thomas."

Malik's eyebrows shot up at that, a half-second before the words left Kaidan's lips. "_Thomas _is the traitor? He always struck me as kind of a bastard, but – an admiral? They turned an admiral? Well, shit."

"I take it we're trying to get close, see if we can pull anything off him," Van Dyne said.

"Yes. We don't want Thomas to even know you're there," Kaidan said. "Vega has orders to report directly to Thomas. Of course, if Thomas is in fact involved in Blacklight, then he'll know why you're there. I doubt he'd try to make a move out in the open, but be ready. Also, I.A. thinks the chances of this are slim, but it could be that Virmire is actually Blacklight's base of operations. Thomas has taken several assignments below his pay grade there in recent months. So keep a sharp eye out. Any questions?"

"What are the rest of us pyjaks doing while they get to have all the fun?" Grunt asked.

"Suiting up. If things go south, we get on the ground ASAP. Liara and Sam, I want you here intercepting transmissions and getting into whatever files you can. Hackett wants multiple sources on this, if possible." Kaidan looked around, and when everyone seemed solid he added, "Okay, we should reach orbit in two hours. Dismissed."

The crew cleared out one by one, all except for Liara. She gave him a knowing look. Going back to Virmire was not going to be easy, and the whole thing was made worse by the fact that they were investigating a damn Alliance admiral.

"What's that human expression?" Liara said quietly. "We're in the 'home stretch?' We'll finish this, Kaidan. I've been looking through the Alliance's files on Thomas. I'd be shocked if he's not involved."

Kaidan brought his fingers lightly to her cheek and sighed. "You have no idea how badly I want to believe that. Right now, though, I guess I need to go check on Vega. I'll come find you in a little bit."

* * *

><p>Kaidan located Vega down on the engineering deck. The crew of the Midway had turned one of the cargo holds into a training room. Vega was against the far wall, wailing into a punching bag. The few other enlisted in there had given him wide berth.<p>

"You know, I'm pretty sure there are Alliance regulations that say I could throw you in the brig for missing a mandatory briefing," Kaidan said. The couple of privates right next to him exchanged looks and cleared out.

"Yeah, but we don't technically work for the Alliance anymore. Remember, Major?" Vega said, landing a few quick jabs. "I think that was your idea, actually."

"It's not your–"

"I pulled the trigger!" Vega shouted, landing a final blow and turning quickly around. The last couple of soldiers lifting weights quickly packed up and left. "I let that _puta _sneak up on us, and then I _shot _my best friend. I was supposed to have her six!"

"I'm the one that let her on the mission in the first place, Vega. I'm the one who never considered the possibility that they could already have someone like that on board," Kaidan said, crossing his arms. It was taking all of his energy to not physically knock some sense into the marine. "This is on me, not you."

"Like hell it is, Major! We–"

"Know damn well from past experience that there's no way of fighting whatever the hell it is Kaya and that Blacklight agent can do!" Kaidan said. He was not quite yelling, but he was coming pretty damn close. "Hell, the fact that she's not dead probably means you fought back."

Vega studied Kaidan for a moment, as if he had not considered this possibility. Finally, he turned back to the punching bag and said, "Fine. Well, this isn't your fault any more than it's mine."

"Right," Kaidan said, not believing it for a second. "Well, I need to know, marine. Are you in fighting shape? I've got you leading point on the ground team we're sending in after Thomas."

Vega stopped at that. "Thomas? _Admiral _Thomas? _He's _the son-of-a-bitch traitor bastard we're going after?"

"Looks that way. Now, is your head on straight enough for this, James?"

Vega took a deep breath and landed a few more punches. He turned around slowly and saluted his commanding officer. "Yes, sir!" Kaidan returned the gesture, and then he put a hand on Vega's shoulder. They did not need to say anything. Over the past six months, the two had been through enough dodgy missions that words were unnecessary now. The guilt and anger just hung in the space between them for a moment. They were going to finish this.


	20. Virmire

"You show a surprising lack of mistrust toward us," Malik – invisible and quiet next to Vega – noticed as they reached the ground. "Major Alenko doesn't share your confidence."

"You've had ample opportunities to stab us in the back," Vega said, looking around as they exited the shuttle at the Alliance base camp on Virmire. "And, hell, if anyone should be worried about Blacklight, it would be you two."

"Damn straight," Malik said.

"When we find this other telepath–"

"We should help her," Malik interrupted Van Dyne. Vega raised an eyebrow at that, and she sighed. "Chances are she's been thoroughly brainwashed. You don't just turn on your kind like that. We've seen the reports on what Marcus did to Dr. Cole. Now take that, and do it for years. Decades, even. It's almost exactly like what they tried to do with Jack."

"Jack fought back," Van Dyne pointed out.

"Jack's a force of nature," Malik said. "You can't expect everyone to be that strong-willed. Humanity probably would have wiped ourselves out a long time ago if we were."

They fell silent as Vega reached a couple of lieutenants, brows furrowed over datapads as they directed supply shipments to various camps. The sound of gunfire, punctuated by occasional explosions, could be heard in the distance.

"Excuse us," Vega said. The lieutenants turned, noted his uniform, and saluted. Vega returned the gesture before continuing, "I'm Lieutenant Commander Vega, and this is Lieutenant Cortez. We've been ordered to report in to Admiral Thomas."

"He's over at Delta Camp," one of the lieutenants said, pulling up his Omni-tool. "I'll forward you the navpoint, sir."

"Thanks. What's the situation down here?"

"Way should be clear for you. The Blood Pack's concentrated on the eastern border of the colony. We're pushing them back. Maybe a bit slower than we'd like, but we should have them cleared out in a week or two."

"Good work," Vega said, remembering another time he had defended a colony from the Blood Pack. "Keep it up, Lieutenant. All right, let's move out."

Vega was feeling better – almost normal – as he settled into this routine. On the ground, leading troops on a mission, he was in his element. He had to focus and pay attention, looking for any signs that this was another trap, and that was a welcome distraction from all of the guilt and worry. They made their way from base camp through one of the colony outposts, up the side of a hill to where Delta Camp was. The camp had be established at one of the highest points on this part of the planet, and Vega could see a skirmish between Alliance and mercenary ground forces in the distance.

"Do we know what the Blood Pack's after?" Cortez asked, studying the chaotic battle.

"No. Virmire's mostly a farming colony. Something about this doesn't add up. Malik, Van Dyne, you reading anything yet?"

"Negative," Malik said. "No sign of the admiral in this part of the camp. No suspicious activity from his men, though."

Vega flagged down another soldier, who informed them that the admiral was at a communication tower overlooking the battle half a click from their position. They thanked him and headed in that direction. Outside the walls of the camp, the team ran into some dense jungle along a dirt road. It muffled the sounds of the battle and the camp, and the abrupt silence was disquieting.

Suddenly, Malik cried out behind James. Another shot rang through the air, and he dived into cover behind a tree. In front of them, a platoon of mechanical sentries were fast approaching. Vega pulled out his shotgun and took down a couple of the closer ones.

"Malik, you okay?"

"Son of a bitch shot me!"

"I totally win!" Van Dyne called out, throwing a grenade out onto the road. It exploded and took out a couple of mechs. He then went on to explain, yelling over the gunfire, "We had a bet. Pari's never been shot before. I bet her that this mission would pop her cherry. You owe me a new pistol, love."

"I'm not bleeding to death, by the way, thanks for asking!"

"I'm thinking the new Paladin."

"That costs two-hundred thousand credits, you ass!" Malik shouted, getting into position near Vega and setting up her sniper rifle.

"Guys, kind of being shot at here!" Vega called out.

"Is it just me, or do these look too nice to belong to the Blood Pack?" Steve asked, taking out one of them with a headshot.

"These look like standard Alliance issue! Son of a bitch!" Van Dyne called out.

"How the hell did that bastard get the jump on us?" Malik said, taking out a mech and reloading. "Oh, if it wasn't personal before, it sure as hell is now!"

"Alenko, are you getting this?" Vega called out over the comm. "I think we need some support, here."

"God damn it!" Kaidan called back in his ear. "We've got shuttles leaving from the outpost you were heading to. Bastard's making a run for it!"

"Told you I should have hijacked the Midway's shuttle!" Steve said. "I could have pulled a Vega and rammed him out of the sky!"

"We're on our way down to you. ETA five minutes. Can you hold your position until then?" Kaidan asked.

"Oh, we can do more than that, Major," Vega said. "We're thinning 'em out pretty good. I don't think the admiral realized it was more than just me and Steve. We'll push forward to the outpost. You flank them from the other side."

"Roger. See you there."

They pushed forward through the mechs. Malik seemed to be taking her first gunshot wound in stride. Medi-gel was some pretty powerful stuff. Vega couldn't even tell where she had been shot. But, for all of his talk, Vega caught Van Dyne shooting nervous glances back at her on occasion as they moved up the road.

When they reached the outpost, it appeared abandoned. There was a large communication tower at the center. Vega and the team made their way toward it wearily, but it appeared that the mechs they already encountered were the only force the admiral had time to deploy before turning tail. Once inside the tower, Vega let out a groan.

It was a damn massacre. There were at least fifteen soldiers in the large entry chamber, shot to hell. The floor was slick with blood.

"Vega!" James turned to see Steve crouched down by one of the soldiers. "This one's still alive!"

"Mierda." Vega ran over as Van Dyne was pulling up his Omni-tool to apply some Medi-gel. "Can you hear me, son? You're gonna be okay."

"Told us to set the mechs on you, sir," the soldier grunted. "We refused and – god damn it, it was a damn blood bath."

"Just hold still, alright? Alexis, what's his status?"

"He'll make it, but we need to get him better medical attention STAT."

"Hey, Alenko, you there?" Vega said into his comm. "We've got a wounded soldier here that needs immediate evac. His entire squad's been killed."

"What? What the hell is going on down there, Vega?"

"It's what the hell happened, sir. Thomas and his men gunned down a whole damn team of infantrymen and engineers when they refused to attack us."

"Alright, we're touching down on the ground now. I've got your location, and medical's on the way," Kaidan said. Vega could hear the shuttle landing just a few meters away. "Holy shit. I can't believe–"

"Seeing me and Esteban must have spooked him," Vega said, looking around. More bodies on his hands.

"Don't you start that again, Lieutenant," Kaidan said. "There was no way of knowing–"

Vega heard footsteps behind him, as Kaidan and the team came through the doorway. James wondered if he had worn the same horrified expression on his face. This wasn't war. This was murder. Tali let her shotgun fall limply at her side as Kasumi slowly lowered her pistol. Jack's biotics, however, only flared brighter. Samara put a hand on her shoulder in warning. Grunt was the only one who did not look particularly phased, but krogan were hard to read.

"We recognized you," the private was saying. "Even over those shitty cameras, Lieutenant Commander Vega and Lieutenant Cortez. Saviors of the damn galaxy. And he wanted us to gun you down. Ha. Don't think I've ever disobeyed an order, before."

"What's your name, son?" Vega said. He glanced over at Van Dyne again. The kid looked bad.

"Private Lee," he said, grimacing. "Private Jaime Lee."

"Disobeying a bad order takes a lot of guts," Vega said. "You should be proud of yourself, soldier. What happened here – no one could have predicted that a damn admiral would go off the deep end."

James found himself unsure of who he was trying to convince more. Kaidan was calling into Hackett as another shuttle touched down outside, and Vega stood up to take a deep breath. The medics from base camp ran through the door, the same dumbfounded look on their faces. It was readily clear that whatever the hell had happened, this was not the work of the Blood Pack. They both shot inquisitive looks at the Major, still on vidcomm with the admiral, before running over to the private. Van Dyne was trying to convince Malik to seek medical attention as well, but she shooed him away. James could see now that she was limping; the bullet had grazed her left thigh.

As the medical team loaded Lee into their shuttle, Kaidan ordered the team to fan out and look for anything the admiral and his men might have left behind. Kasumi found a console that had recently been used to upload data somewhere. It had been hastily wiped, so there could still be something useful. They made a copy and uploaded it to Liara aboard the Midway.

As they headed back to the shuttle, Kaidan received a message over his comm. His brow furrowed, and he exchanged a worried glance in Vega's direction. Malik and Van Dyne immediately straightened, looking panicked.

"Something's happening on the Citadel," Kaidan said. "Liara says the reports are sketchy, but we need to get moving."

"That son of a bitch," Malik hissed.

The anger that flashed in her eyes told the whole story. Blacklight had just gone after the Project Indigo kids.


	21. Chase

"Are you okay?"

Shepard turned toward Garrus. He was looking at her with concern from across the table. Here, they had finally set aside time for a date. They had even called in Solana from Palaven to babysit, and Garrus had made a reservation at a new interstellar restaurant on the presidium that was getting rave reviews in all the vids. (Okay, so he had demanded a reservation. Being a Councilor married to Commander Shepard had its perks.) He had gone through all this trouble to set up a nice, romantic evening, and Shepard felt like she was ruining it.

"Just one of those days," Shepard sighed, taking a rather large sip of wine.

She did not need to say anymore. After six years, 'one of those days' was code for flashbacks and nightmares. In the months that followed the defeat of the Reapers, Shepard had started feeling the psychological effects of the previous couple of years. All the trauma and all the loss had left scars behind. When Garrus looked at her now, Shepard was sure he could see them as plain as the faded red etchings on her face.

They both knew what triggered this particular episode. Early in the afternoon, word of what had happened on Earth reached them. No matter how many times Garrus tried to convince her otherwise, Shepard felt responsible. More importantly, she felt useless and restless up on the Citadel. She had convinced Kaidan and the team to go, and now she was having dinner on the Presidium while they tracked down a damn rogue admiral. It felt very far from right.

"You know, I – hold on," Garrus said, putting his hand to the side of his head. His face darkened as he listened to whatever the person on the other end of the line had to say. "Is C-Sec on the scene? Damn it. Wait – we might be able to head them off. … Like I give a damn, Auraea. Patch Sanders through to Shepard and me. That's an order."

"Sanders? Garrus, what the hell is going on?"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to reschedule, dear," Garrus said, standing up. "We've got a few mercs to intercept. You in?"

"Oh hell yes," Shepard said, draining her glass and following him. She put her hand to her leg, where she had uneventfully kept a pistol holstered for the past six months. "You said Sanders. What does this have to do with Indigo?"

"They grabbed a couple of the kids," Garrus growled, rushing out the door as Shepard followed. He looked woefully under-armed with just his own heavy pistol. Their waiter attempted to feebly protest, but Shepard pushed past him unceremoniously. "They're heading for the docks. We might be able to intercept."

"Shepard? Vakarian? You there?"

"We read you, Sanders," Shepard called over the comm. "What the hell happened?"

"Guys in Alliance uniforms showed up. Said they were taking the kids to a safer location. But, nobody had told _me _anything about a transfer," Sanders said. "When I told them I would need to call into HQ for confirmation, they just opened fire."

"Is anyone hurt?" Shepard said, stopping in front of a skycar terminal and hailing a cab.

"They took out a couple members of our guard," Sanders said. "One of my students, Mitchel, he's transmitting a tracking signal. I'm forwarding you the feed."

"Smart kid," Garrus said as they climbed in a car.

Shepard took the wheel. "We've got the coordinates Mitchel's transmitting. We should be able to head them off."

"Some maternity leave, huh, Shepard?" Garrus laughed. "Any idea what we do when we actually catch up to them?"

"I'm working on it. Sanders, does C-Sec have that signal?"

"Yeah. They're taking their sweet time scrambling together a team, though," Sanders said.

Shepard heard Garrus groan next to her. Since being appointed Councilor four months ago, one of his main missions had been stripping C-Sec of all of its bureaucratic bullshit. Of course, the rest of the council had not made that a particularly easy task, but Shepard thought it sounded like he was making progress. She was rethinking that assessment as they left presidium airspace and made for the docks.

"We're closing in," Garrus said next to her. "Five hundred meters and counting. So, how's that plan coming?"

"I could position us close enough for you to jump onto the hood of their skycar," Shepard offered.

"Very funny."

"Sanders! You there? At least tell me that C-Sec is working on pinning down what ship they're heading to," Shepard called out over the comm. As they merged onto the skycar path alongside the docks, she thought she saw their suspects ahead. There was a Kodiak wavering a bit, as if it had been hit by heavy artillery. "I think I see our guys. Sanders, did somebody hit them with a missile?"

"That would have been me," Sanders replied. "Grenade launcher."

"Nice," Shepard and Garrus said in unison. They exchanged a small smile.

"And C-Sec's got a fix on the ship they think they're heading to," Sanders continued. "The SSV – that can't be right. The Waterloo? That's where the Kodiak came from in the first place, but–"

"Looks like Hackett was right about this going to the top," Garrus said darkly.

"Alright, looks like we're taking a shortcut," Shepard said. She pulled off from the main road, to cut across an access channel that lead to the frigate docks. She was white-knuckling the steering wheel, practically praying that they would beat the team of false – or, disloyal, anyway – Alliance soldiers.

As they approached the Waterloo, Shepard spotted a contingent of soldiers waiting outside the jet way. Figuring for a split second that she might regret it, she gunned the cab into the open cargo bay of the ship. They touched down and piled out into cover behind some cargo crates, amid the chaos taking hold of the lower deck.

"I doubt this whole crew's gone rogue, Shepard," Garrus said. Shepard found herself, like many times before, grateful to have him along. She probably would have just started shooting.

"This is Captain Shepard, Alliance Navy!" she called out. "We have reason to believe there's a faction on your ship – oh shit!"

The Kodiak came around the corner, barreling into the cargo bay. Garrus and Shepard dived out of the way just in time, while a voice shouted from over by the Waterloo's armor bench, "Shepard? What the hell is going on?"

Shepard stood up, momentarily disoriented from all the noise of the Kodiak's crash, and ran over toward the elevator door. Garrus was at her heels as they reached the few privates and engineers who had been down in the cargo bay. They all looked between Shepard and Garrus with shock, clearly recognizing them.

"Someone from your ship just took two students from Grissom Academy hostage," Shepard explained. She noted the genuine surprise on their faces. Whatever was going on, these enlisted were not involved. "And they just crash landed in that Kodiak. Close that cargo bay door, now! Who's in command of this ship?"

"Major Coates, ma'am."

"Coates? Can you patch me into communications?" She and Garrus exchanged a look as one of the engineers nodded. Shepard had not seen Major Coates in years, not since they grabbed a drink in an under-construction London following the war. Shepard glanced back at the Kodiak – its weapons were cold and its doors were locked – as the engineer gave her the thumbs up. "Coates! What the hell are your people doing abducting teenagers?"

"Shepard? Is that you? What the – do you have anything to do with the breach we just registered down on the cargo deck?"

"Coates, I need an answer here," she said, watching as the cargo bay door sealed shut. Hopefully they were right about the Waterloo not being a rogue vessel.

"What the hell are you talking about Shepard?"

"Did you have orders to send men after Grissom Academy students here on the Citadel?" Shepard said, lining up a shot at the door of the Kodiak, just in case.

"Of course not!" Coates exclaimed. Shepard glanced at Garrus, who nodded. They knew Coates. Maybe they did not know him well, but he had been part of the resistance on Earth. He had been part of the push to the beam. Anderson had vouched for him. To think that he would be involved in something like this, that was crossing a line that Shepard did not fancy seeing the other side of.

"Well, somebody gave those orders to your men. They abducted two students in a Kodiak and just crash-landed in your cargo bay."

"God damn it! Somebody get me the names of whoever the hell is on that shuttle! Shepard, I'm sending some guys down your way. What's your status?"

"They've holed up inside the Kodiak, Major," Shepard said, looking for any signs of activity. "We've closed the bay door. They're sitting ducks."

"We're remotely disabling their onboard weapons, Shepard," Coates said over the comm. "Alright, I'm getting information in – Jesus, four marines signed out that Kodiak. What the hell are they playing at?"

"There's a rogue faction inside the Alliance," Shepard explained. The elevator door opened behind them, and a contingent of soldiers piled into cover. "We knew it went pretty high up, but things just keep getting worse and worse. I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss any more than that."

"Shepard, we've got to get those kids out of there," Garrus said. "Once those soldiers realize there's no way out–"

"Coates," Shepard called out over the comm. "You can remotely disable their weapons. Can you get that damn door?"

"Already on it," Coates replied, and the door to the Kodiak swung open.

At first, it appeared completely empty. Then, two teenagers appeared in the doorway and stepped out. A blond girl was supporting a boy who was clutching at his side, fingers stained red. Shepard moved forward, flagging the soldiers behind her, with her gun drawn.

"It's alright. It's over," the girl said weakly. "My name is Maureen Collins. I'm a student at Grissom Academy. And the soldiers who tried to kidnap us are – they're dead, ma'am."

Shepard lowered her weapon and ran forward as the boy was collapsing onto the ground. She applied some Medi-gel and called for a medical team to get down there immediately. The girl, Maureen, was shaking horribly. She had blood and brain matter splattered across her face and hair.

"They were going to kill us," she whispered. "I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't even trying to – it just – they just pulled the trigger."

Shepard exchanged a meaningful look with Garrus. They never headed to hear her say it, although Maureen would eventually choke out a description of what happened when they met up with Sanders. Maureen had _made _the traitors commit suicide, the same way Kaya had killed Dr. Marcus on Omega. And if any of the Indigo Project kids could potentially wield that kind of power, then the stakes had just gone way up.


	22. Cold

Joker was in the middle of a bureaucratic nightmare. He was ready to slam his head down onto the counter of the nurse's station, but he figured fracturing his own skull would be highly counterproductive. It turned out that those idiots at Alliance HQ or the Citadel – or whoever the hell was supposed to be in charge of this kind of thing – had never made Kaya a citizen of _any _nation or planet. His girlfriend was a ghost.

"Check again," Joker was saying. "She has a bank account. She's a crew member on a damn Alliance ship. There's a damn platoon of soldiers guarding her. She has to exist somewhere."

The nurse shot him an exasperated look and turned back to the terminal. "Sir, she does not have any kind of identification. We see this from time to time with people from the colonies, particularly out in the Terminus systems. The fact stands: someone has to pay for her treatment."

"And, I told you, she works for the Council. They–"

"Have no public records of there being a Dr. Kaya Cole in their employ."

_Of course not, Joker. Because why would they have any kind of paper trail that could point to there being a time-traveling psychic in the galaxy?_

"You know what? Fine," Joker said, giving up. "Here's my account information. You can charge it all to me, and I'll sort it out later."

"Are you sure?" the nurse said with wide eyes. He pulled way from the console for a moment to look at Joker seriously, "This could end up costing hundreds of thousands of credits."

"Yeah, well, it's a good thing I've been too busy saving the galaxy for the last decade to spend a whole lot of my savings," Joker said. _And the Council or the Alliance had better take responsibility for this._

When that was dealt with, Joker stormed past the armed guard into Kaya's room. She was still lying there, the rising and falling of her chest the only sign of life. Her face was obscured by an oxygen mask, and small lights occasionally fell across her shaved skull as the brainwave scanner took its readings. She did not really look like the Kaya he knew, floating about in a dress with bare feet and a head of long black hair, smirking or sticking her tongue out at every opportunity. Joker felt his chest ache every time he looked at her – at this lifeless imitation of his girlfriend – but he could not bring himself to look away.

Gunnie was curled up on the bench in front of the window, a cup of coffee in her hand. She was watching a vid on the television screen across from Kaya's bed.

"Jeff," she said, leaning forward with her eyes still fixed to the screen. She used her Omni-tool to turn up the volume, and a woman's voice filled the room.

_"We're on the scene at Huerta Memorial Hospital on the Citadel. Just moments ago, witnesses saw armed men in Alliance uniforms storm into the hospital lobby. They reportedly shot and killed two members of an Alliance patrol and abducted two teenagers being treated at the Hospital. According to C-Sec, the children were being treated after a skycar crash that took place in Zakera Ward earlier this morning. However, Alliance News Network sources confirm that the children were students at Grissom Academy. We have been bringing updates since yesterday, following reports that Grissom Academy was attacked by an unknown group of mercenaries._

_"Alliance News Network can now confirm that Grissom Academy has been evacuated, and that the teenagers at Huerta Memorial were students there. We can also confirm that the students have been recovered, unharmed, by C-Sec following a shoot-out with their abductors. There is no word from the Alliance or the Council on the motive behind the attack at Grissom Academy or these particular kidnappings. We will be bringing you updates on this story as it develops."_

"What the shit," Joker said, pulling up his Omni-tool to call Shepard. Hopefully she would know what the hell was going on.

"Joker, now's not really–"

"I know, Commander," he interrupted. "It's all over the news. I mean, shit, some armed commandos storm a damn hospital on the Citadel and kidnap a couple of teenagers – of course it is."

"Hackett's sending reinforcements to look after Kaya," Shepard said. "And he's ordered the Normandy back to the Citadel. Kaidan and the others will look after the rest of the students."

"Wait, what happened with that intel Hackett had?"

"I don't think I can discuss that over an unsecured line," Shepard said. Then, at his look of concern, she continued quickly, "Everyone's fine! Don't worry. They had a mission that went south, but the team's okay. I – I'm going to try and make it out to Earth sometime soon, okay? I'll explain everything then. Look, I've got to go. C-Sec needs me to debrief them."

"Commander, why are you getting involved in this?"

"Garrus and I may or may not have engaged in a high speed chase that ended with us extracting the students in the middle of an Alliance frigate cargo bay," Shepard said, a little sheepishly.

"Aren't you two supposed to, you know, be on vacation?"

Shepard was looking over her shoulder at someone. She turned to Joker and said curtly, "I know, I know. Look, I really have to go. I'll talk to you later. Shepard out."

Joker watched her image disappear with a furrowed brow. Shepard had not even asked how Kaya was doing. He knew there were big, important things going on, but Joker could not help but feel a little pissed off. His girlfriend – who, by the way, was Shepard's friend, too – was in a coma after having her damn spine severed by a bunch of bullets, and all Shepard said was that they were sending a bigger guard. Which was great. He would have asked for that anyway. But, her apparent indifference was just the cherry on top of a completely shitty day.

* * *

><p>"So, we've got nothing," Shepard groaned.<p>

She looked around the C-Sec intelligence room and felt her shoulders slump. Even with the Council, Alliance, and Shadow Broker pouring all of their resources into it, no one had been able to crack the encryptions found on the files from Virmire or the soldiers who had hijacked the Kodiak. Kaidan ran a hand through his hair, leaving it to rest wearily at the back of his neck.

"Liara and Sam are still working on it," Kaidan insisted. "We'll find something. I just hope we find it in time."

"I looked over that report on the detail sent to Los Angeles," Shepard said, shifting gears a bit. "Doesn't look like a strong enough force to me. Hell, they tried to go through you and your squad to get to her–"

"She's got four N7 graduates and six more highly decorated marines," Kaidan said. "I argued with Hackett about it, but he's right. It's just not reasonable to deploy anyone else. Look, my hands are tied. But, maybe we could send someone who's outside of Alliance authority. Samara and Kasumi, maybe."

"I was thinking of visiting myself. Maybe we can all go together," Shepard said, leaning against the railing and cracking her neck. "Kaidan, I didn't even – when Joker called, I didn't even ask how he was."

"There was a lot going on," he reassured her. "You _had _just skipped a dinner date to take down four rogue marines. I'm not sure you understand the concept of extended leave, by the way."

Shepard laughed at that. "No, I guess not. The best part is all the flack Garrus is getting for it. C-Sec's having a heart attack."

"You two totally slipped his security detail, didn't you?"

"Yep," she said with a small smile. "Oh man, it was like I was a rogue Spectre absconding with the Normandy all over again."

"Yeah, well, fortunately no Councilors got punched in the face this time," Kaidan laughed. "Might have made Garrus's job just a _little _bit more awkward."

They stood there for a little while in silence, watching the news reports on a bank of monitors. ANN was certainly the network most interested in what had happened, but the other Council races were broadcasting occasional updates, as well. Since the end of the war, armed attacks on the Presidium had thankfully become a lot less common. Shepard glanced over at the ANN broadcast, just in time to see a picture of herself and Garrus – a really unflattering shot that had been taken at a gala last month – flash up on the screen.

"Well," Kaidan said with a small smile, "you didn't _really _think your involvement would stay secret for long, did you?"

Shepard just groaned in response, hitting him playfully on the shoulder. This day just kept getting better and better, and it was only nine p.m. on the Citadel.

"Go home, Shepard," Kaidan said, turning away from the monitors. "You've earned a little time to unwind with your kids. There's nothing we can do until that encryption is cracked. I'll find Garrus and annoy him until he joins you."

Shepard pulled away from the railing, shaking her head. "When did _you _start taking care of _me_, Major?"

"I've always been taking care of you, Shepard. It's my way of paying you back for all those times you pulled my ass out of the fire. Funny, though, that this is the first time in almost a decade that you've noticed."


	23. Graybox

Joker was reading an update from Kaidan – still no word on what the hell their next move was – when one of the N7 graduates stationed outside opened the door to the hospital room. He held it open as Gunnie walked in, carrying a large stack of boxes wrapped with brightly colored paper, followed by Samara and Kasumi.

"Merry Christmas, big brother!"

Joker blinked. He had completely forgotten. Even with all the decorations strung throughout the hospital hallways, he had forgotten that it was Christmas morning.

"I – Gunnie, I totally – I didn't get you anything," he stammered out, setting aside the datapad.

"Considering the fact that you _always _leave your holiday shopping until the last minute, that doesn't surprise me in the least," she said. Kasumi moved a couple vases of flowers off of a side table, and Gunnie set the boxes down.

"When did you–"

"Well, like a _normal _person, I did most of my Christmas shopping weeks ago," she cut him off. "But Samara and I did a little more yesterday, when you were asleep. Oh, and we brought doughnuts."

Kasumi held up a box with a grin, and Joker noted that she had powdered sugar on top of her painted lips. She passed the box to him, along with a fresh cup of coffee. He took it gratefully, realizing suddenly that he had not eaten anything in almost twenty four hours, and glanced back at the gift boxes.

"You took an Asari Justicar shopping?" Joker laughed. The ridiculousness of it all _almost _made him forget why they were spending Christmas morning in a hospital room to begin with.

"It was a very interesting experience," Samara said, in that characteristic serene voice. "Your sister proved a great source of knowledge on human festival customs. I have read extensively about this particular holiday on the extranet, but academic interpretation of its modern application is somewhat lacking."

Joker raised an eyebrow at that assessment, but he nodded appreciatively at the Justicar. It was nice that Gunnie had gotten out and enjoyed a little girl time. Granted, that girl time had been with a thousand-year old asari who probably knew a hundred ways to kill Joker with her pinky finger. But, it was still nice. He remembered with a pang of guilt that they were supposed to have spent Christmas up on the Citadel. Gunnie had never been, and she had been so excited. Joker could not help his feeling of guilt, even though he knew that it was not his fault.

"Come on, open mine first," Gunnie said, pulling a bright red box off the top of the pile.

He undid the paper and found a nondescript cardboard box underneath. Opening the lid, he let out a strangled laugh at the sight of Gunnie's present.

"You got me a _pistol?_"

"Kaya helped me pick it out. And then your quarian friend – Tali, right? – tuned it up for us," she said with a toothy grin. "It's designed to have minimum recoil, so you should be able to use it without breaking an arm."

"There's no way this was your idea," he said, pulling the gun out of its careful padding. It was a modded Scorpion, all sleek curves and exceptional design. Joker did not have much of an appreciation for any weaponry not attached to the Normandy, but he had to admit it was pretty damn elegant.

"I asked her what you would want, and she replied that she was going to make a totally selfish suggestion and get herself a partner for out at the shooting range," Gunnie said with a shrug.

Joker laughed. Kaya had been trying to convince him for _months _to come down to the cargo bay and break a few bottles with her. Every time, he stated the obvious. And, every time, she still playfully nagged him about it. It looked like, as always, she was going to get her wish.

"Wait, how can you afford this?" Joker realized suddenly. "I'm the one that sends _you _money, remember?"

Gunnie's eyes darted up into the corner of her field of vision as her lips pursed to make that "busted" face he was so familiar with. He rolled his eyes. Kaya had paid for it. Of course she had.

Kasumi was eager for everyone to open her presents next. Gunnie unwrapped a small box, in which laid a small golden necklace shaped like the Normandy. Samara got a book that looked ancient, which Kasumi explained was a Japanese story considered to be the first actual human novel. When Samara inquired as to how Kasumi had acquired a version that appeared to be at least four hundred years old, the master thief was suddenly very tight-lipped.

"You know, I'm not sure getting a stolen gift for a Justicar is such a good idea, Kasumi," Joker laughed.

"_I _didn't steal it," Kasumi said with a shrug, the left side of her lips twitching up. She handed him a large, bright blue box. "Come on. Your turn."

Joker unwrapped the paper and let it fall to the floor with widened eyes. His lips fell into a little circle before breaking into wide smile.

"It's – holy crap, Kasumi," Joker said, ogling the box.

"Don't tell me it's too much, because you know you want it," Kasumi said cheerfully. "Besides, you're practically family now, and it was a particularly good year for me."

Joker found himself wondering momentarily what exactly Samara's code said about Kasumi's line of work. Then, his thoughts focused back on the amazing present, not too concerned with how it had been funded. He looked over, almost involuntarily, to where Kaya was lying. Just the other day, she had been talking about buying the Odyssey X9000, prattling on about different next-generation virtual reality games she wanted to try. Joker found himself deciding that he would let her have the first go.

He set the box down carefully at his feet. "Thanks, Kasumi. Seriously – wow. You're the best."

"Don't count me out," Samara said quietly, handing small boxes to the other three conscious people in the room. Joker raised an eyebrow at her. Again. Sure, they had been on the same crew that took down the Collector Base, but he would not have thought he and Samara were Christmas-gift-giving close.

He opened the small, unwrapped box and found a silver, diamond-shaped pendant on a sturdy chain. When he pulled it out, the diamond began projecting a miniature hologram of a galaxy map. He touched the Sol system, and the map zoomed in. There was a little flashing orange box. When he pressed it, a menu came up to upload a file.

"The Asari invented these," Samara explained. "They are designed to store memories – pictures, holograms, songs – for each star system. For Hilary, I figured it could grow with her as she explored the galaxy. Kasumi and Joker, I assumed you would already have many files to add."

Joker held the pendant in the palm of his hand while he manipulated the little galaxy map. It was unexpected – and Joker was not exactly going to _wear _it – but the gift was pretty damn cool. Joker joined Hilary and Kasumi in genuinely thanking her.

"Now you guys are making me feel like an asshole," he said, trying to sound flippant but failing.

"Oh, don't worry, when all of this is over, you can pay me back," Kasumi said cheerfully. She pulled another small box off of the pile. "And, you might not be too happy with me once you find out that I went through your cabin. Kaya left this for you."

Joker took the box, looking over to Kaya lying in her hospital bed as he felt his throat tighten. On the box itself was scribbled a small note in her hand: _"For Jeff. Open in case of emergency." _He was not so sure he wanted to unwrap this one. Gunnie moved to sit next to him and placed a hand reassuringly on his shoulder. He unwrapped the red ribbon around the plain brown paper carefully, finding that his hands were shaking. Inside, there was a small device. He did not recognize it immediately, but Kasumi gasped. Joker raised an eyebrow at her – she seemed to be struggling to find the right words – before picking up the handwritten note next to it.

_"Hit play, you idiot."_

"It's a graybox," Kasumi explained. At his confused expression, she continued, "It stores a person's memories. Connects to their brain via an implant chip. I don't know why she would have one, but – look, it activates a hologram. There must be something she wanted you to see. Stand in the center of the room."

Joker got up slowly and reluctantly. Whatever memory Kay had left him "in case of emergency" could not be good. Still, he figured she would be pretty pissed off if he didn't follow her instructions. So, he moved in front of Kaya's bed and pressed a little green button on the side. The hospital room fell away, and he was looking at their cabin aboard the Normandy.

_"Hey, you." _

_She was smiling at him from under his baseball cap. Her hair was still long, and she was wearing that red and white polka-dot dress he loved so much. Her feet were bare, and she was swinging them absentmindedly off the edge of the desk. _

_"So, if you're seeing this, then something bad happened," Kaya said uncertainly, hugging herself. He could see where she was digging nervously into her arm. "And, you're probably kind of angry with me for doing all this behind your back. I – I just found about the whole graybox thing. Yesterday. One of Karin's buddies found the syncing chip during my diagnostic. Another weird mystery component of my implant. Pretty crazy. I wonder what Marcus wanted to use it for. I mean, it has limited range. It's not like anyone's spying on us, but–"_

_She cut herself off, looking at him – into the mirror, he realized – with a sad smile. "Right. Okay, so, I left this in a locked safe in my underwear drawer. Yell at Kasumi for me, please. But, um, I knew she'd find it and give it to you if something happened to me. And, with everything that's been going on, the chances of something happening are kind of high. Maybe I've been kidnapped. Or, maybe it's worse than that."_

_Her voice broke, and Joker could see the tears welling in her eyes._

_"Damn it. Anyway, I'm going to leave messages here. For you. Not necessarily for if things go bad. It's just, there's nobody else I would want to have unfiltered access to my memories. And, I dunno, it just seemed like if I could do this, I should. One day, I'll show them to you without having a really bad reason for doing it. I hope. Not that, if the worst has happened, I want you to use this as some weird way to hold on to me forever. You had better move your ass on at some point, Mr. Moreau."_

_She smiled a little before lowering her cap over her eyes. Kaya bit her lower lip, trying to find the words._

_"Shit. This isn't really how I wanted – I love you. And, maybe it's really fucked up, but I wanted to give you something special. Give you a part of myself, and let you know that – for all the secrets that I've kept – I trust you. With literally all of me, I trust you. I've gotten to see inside your entire head, so now you get to see inside mine. This is supposed to be some kind of crazy, sappy thing I can pull out, like, when we get married. Or, when we're old and wrinkly. Something to remember who we were. _

_"I guess I'll leave a better message later. One that's not so dark and depressing. But, if something is going to happen on Earth, I wanted this to be here for you. I wanted to make sure that you know that I love you. I've never been in love with anyone before, not really. But you changed that. You pieced me back together after I lost literally everything. You're different than anyone I've ever met. All rough and deflecting on the outside, sure. But, a big softy underneath. Who's funny and kind. Smart. Brilliant, even. Though you'd never fess up to that, you weirdo. You are stubborn as all hell. And fiercely loyal and defensive of the people he cares about. And – and mine. _

_"I love you. And, now I'm going to try and be an optimist and believe you'll never see this. But, if you do, I just wanted you to know."_

When the message stopped, Joker abruptly exited the graybox. He did not want to – he could not – go digging through it now. The hospital room rematerialized around him, and Kaya was back lying in her bed. Joker looked around and found that the girls had left. His eyes were wet. He wiped the tears away angrily, wanting to shout at his girlfriend. _Why _would she leave him something like that? Why would she just assume that something bad was going to happen and leave him a damn suicide note? If she hadn't, would she have fought back harder? Would she have found another way, instead of setting off a biotic explosion that should have _killed _her?

Didn't she care about what happened to her? There was that stunt on Palaven and then her little suicide mission at the Academy. Even before that, the damn Mars mission was _obviously _a bad idea. Didn't she care that there were people who would lose _everything _if she left?

"Damn it, Kaya," he said quietly, slumping into the rocking chair next to her bed. He took off his cap and placed in on her head, wondering if it would mess up the sensors. When no alarms started going off, he left it there. "You're not allowed to leave yet, you hear me?"


	24. Waiting

"This has to be incredibly boring for you," Maureen said, sneaking up behind him.

James turned to look at the teenager. Her temple still bore a sizable scar from where a bullet had grazed her back at the Academy. But there was a determination in her eyes that no rogue Alliance faction could snuff out, even if they had tried to kidnap her. Twice.

"Would you believe me if I said I enjoyed the change of pace?" Vega said.

Maureen tapped a finger to her temple – the side without a scar – with a small smile. "Psychic, remember?"

"Look, guarding you guys is important," James said. "Maybe not the most exciting mission in the world, but even us N7 have to be on quiet missions from time to time. Hopefully, this _stays _a quiet mission."

It had been almost two weeks since everything that happened on Earth and Virmire. Two weeks since those now ex-marines tried to kidnap the kids from Huerta Memorial. The Alliance had assigned the Normandy's team – minus Kasumi and Samara – to a protection detail. The brass had even put up the students in a fancy apartment on the were good kids. A little creepy, maybe, with the telepathic abilities. But, James was happy to have their backs. And they needed a competent team guarding them, with how high the stakes were.

Still, having something more exciting to distract him from thinking about L.A. and Kaya sure as hell wouldn't hurt.

"How is she?" Maureen asked, doing that _thing _Kaya did where she rushed past the pleasantries of verbal conversation.

"She's, ah, still in a coma," James said, fidgeting as he ran a hand nervously over the back of his head.

He felt an immediate pang of guilt for not having visited her or Joker. But, he just couldn't bring himself to _see _her. Kaidan had gone, and his descriptions – of a gaunt, lifeless young woman with a shaved head – were so at odds with the Kaya that James knew. He knew it was coward's response, but James had no desire to see his handiwork.

"Lieutenant Commander Vega, if there is _anyone _to which I would not affix the word 'coward,'" Maureen said, crossing her arms defiantly. "Look, if you want some way of passing the time, why don't you join us for a game of poker?"

James laughed at that. "I'm pretty sure gambling with minors is against a few different regs."

"We're just playing for candy," she said with a smile. "I think you'll be fine. Or are you too chicken?"

Vega was not one to turn down a challenge, not even from a seventeen-year-old girl. He followed her over to the kitchen table, where Pari and Lily were dealing out cards.

"Blondie's playing?" James laughed, looking at the twelve-year old sitting across from him at the table.

"Deal him in," Maureen said, sitting down. "And don't let her fool you. She's got a mean poker face."

Half an our later, Lily had cleaned James out after calling his bluff. He laughed heartily at that. If Kaya could see this – he could practically hear her inside his head. _"Taken down by a twelve-year old. I can't believe they'd give N7 status to someone that bad at bluffing."_

"No fair," James said, still laughing. "Playing against a bunch of psychics. _Dios, _what was I thinking?"

The girls were laughing. "Hate to tell you this, Vega," Pari said. "But, even without the whole telepath thing, you've got some pretty bad tells. And you actually play for money sometimes? How are you not completely broke?"

"How about we do something you're good at, instead?" Blondie offered. "You could teach us how to spar."

"You're serious?"

"Sure," the youngest Academy student said, shrugging her shoulders. "We have combat training at school, but we're all kind of out of practice right now. Learning from an N7 grad could be fun."

There was an admirable fearlessness to her. Her expression made James wince, if only for a moment, at the thought of April on Fehl Prime. The two young blondes had the same indomitable spirit. But, this time, he was going to keep his promise. He was going to keep her safe. James found himself wishing Blue was around, even as he cursed his mind for heading in that direction again. She was the only person he could really talk to about Fehl.

"Yeah, okay," James said. "Blondie, you're up first. Let's see what you've got."

They stood and headed toward the center of the living room, gathering something of an audience. Lily got into a defensive position, tiny fists raised in front of her face. James mimicked her, unable to wipe the smile from his. She narrowed her eyes defiantly and then launched into a running jump. He was so surprised that she managed plant a square kick high on his chest.

"Where the hell did you learn that?" he laughed, earning a stern look from Sanders at his use of language. He mouthed a quick "sorry" to her, briefly wondering if Jack had been serious about that swear jar.

"I _told _you. We have combat training," Lily said impatiently. "Now, I'm going to try and hit you. You have to try and block me, okay? I wanna see how I fare against an N7."

She threw a few punches his way. They were a lot faster and better aimed than he would have expected from someone her age. Still, he gently blocked the hits. He was about to give Lily a few pointers on how she was telegraphing her moves when Liara ran in from the study, face flushed with excitement.

The rest of the Normandy team perked up as she entered the room. Lily landed a hit on a distracted James, causing him to laugh.

"Liara?" Kaidan said, getting down off the kitchen counter. "What's going on?"

"We think we have a lead on Blacklight," Traynor called out from the study. "Everyone get back here. Now."

"Sorry, Blondie, but we're going to have to pick this up later," James said, placing his hand on her head and messing up her hair. She wrinkled her nose at that, and James flashed her a smile as they headed into the study.

Once the entire team assembled, Traynor projected a map into the center of the room. It was a of a star system James did not immediately recognize.

"This is Amaterasu," Liara said, zooming in on a garden world. "Human colony. The Reapers hit the planet hard, and rebuilding efforts never started up in earnest."

Traynor projected another image into the room. This time it was a hologram of the redheaded psychic from the Blackfish Industries lab. James felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

"An Alliance team recovered DNA from the lab," Traynor explained. "This is Anna Rivers. She supposedly died on Amaterasu as a small child, following lethal exposure to element zero."

"But, instead, she got experimented on in an Alliance lab," Jack growled, her eyes only narrow slits. James had to remind himself that _he _was not the only one for whom this was deeply personal.

"That's what we believe, yes," Liara said, shooting Jack a wary glance. "Now, there is supposed to be a small team of Alliance personnel surveying Amaterasu, planning reconstruction. But–" She pulled up some data streams that James could not begin to understand. "The whole planet's gone dark. No communications in or out."

"It looks almost exactly like what we saw with Sanctuary," Traynor explained.

"Someone's blocking the signal," Tali confirmed, leaning in for a closer look.

"So, what do you want to bet that either Rivers or Thomas is there?" Liara asked, looking to Kaidan.

"It could just be a coincidence," Kaidan said, studying the hologram. "But, no, this is definitely worth checking out with a full squad. We should swing by Earth and get Kasumi and Samara, too."

There was an undercurrent to his words. _If this, too, goes sideways, we'll be ready._

"And what if we _do _find Rivers?" Vega said, the words coming to his lips as he realized them. "What stops her from going all zombie overlord on us?"

"I've got something for that," Van Dyne said. He held up a small device. "I wish I had thought to bring this to Earth. But, well, the Alliance has been developing it for some time. It knocks out a person's psychic abilities. Sends a signal that interferes with the electromagnetic radiation they give off. Now, there's no guarantee it will work against the whole mind-control thing, but it's our best shot. Hell, it's our only shot."

"Guess if you're going to develop the galaxy's best espionage program, you put in place countermeasures to protect yourself," Kaidan said darkly. "How many of those have you got?"

"Sanders … _acquired _five prototypes for us," Van Dyne replied with a smirk, tossing the device over to Kaidan. "They don't work a hundred percent of the time. The whole science behind, well, us is still a little sketchy. But, it's better than nothing."

"Agreed. Okay, I'll make contact with Hackett," Kaidan said. "But, I want everyone ready to go in two hours."


	25. Healing

_She was up on the Citadel. Making an impossible choice. As Earth and its fleet burned all around her, she felt too tired to go on. What would happen if she just laid down? Gave up? How could it all come down to her?_

_She was running as the Citadel rumbled beneath her, pistol still clutched tightly in her aching hand. She jumped off the platform when it was still five feet off the ground and rolled to the floor. She looked for Anderson's body, but she could not find it. Shepard supposed she did not have time to bring it back, anyway. The entire place was going up in flames. She ran. An explosion to her right knocked her to the ground. She got up. She had to keep moving. She wasn't done yet._

_Suddenly the Citadel was gone. Hackett was saying something over the vidcomm as she lay in a hospital bed. Garrus's fingers were making soothing circles at the back of her hand as the buzzing in her ears grew louder. That wasn't right. He had been up on the Citadel. There was no way Anderson's remains could be in London. She had _shot _him. Watched him take his last breath. They were wrong._

_"You have to wake up. This is all – we put you on that mission. You being aboard the Normandy now, I supported that. I supported you going to the lab, even though I knew you should be resting in a hospital bed. I already took EDI away from him. I can't – if I take this from him, too–"_

Kaya's eyes fluttered open. She realized she was not dreaming at all. She looked to her left, and Shepard was looking out the window. Kaya looked around, fuzzy pieces of the puzzle fitting into place. Even though they had seriously redecorated, the neurosurgery recovery room set off a spark of recognition. She had trained in this very patient room as a student. She distinctly remembered doing rounds, talking to a young epileptic man as she looked out the window to her left upon the campus.

Kaya struggled to remember _why _she was in the hospital. She vaguely remembered the flight into the valley, rising above the marine layer and getting a good look at the green hills below. She remembered entering the lab, finding it completely empty. Then it was like a mental alarm bell went off. She felt a twinge of pain at her side as an sneering face framed with long red hair came into view.

_It must have been bad, if they brought me all the way back downtown_, she mused. _They must have needed a Level One Trauma Center._

She reached up, arms aching with the effort, and found she was wearing Jeff's cap. Kaya smiled, just as the rustling of the bed linens must have alerted Shepard.

"That slacker better be getting a shower or something," Kaya said weakly. Her voice was hoarse. She was so thirsty. "Sounds like I was in pretty rough shape."

_She felt the pain slicing through her abdomen. Felt James screaming behind her, raising the gun to her head. She had to try. Damn it, she had to try. Even if it would probably kill her. She wasn't going to let him pull the trigger._

Shepard stared, speechless, as Kaya continued, "Is Vega okay? How long have I been out? Where is everyone? What happened, Shepard? Everyone made it out of there, right?"

"Yeah," Shepard said, seeming to finally find a question she could quickly grab on to. "That other telepath got away, but everyone else is safe. Vega's – James is pretty fucked up, according to Kaidan. They're tracking down Blacklight. You've been out for two weeks. And, yes, I ordered Joker to go get a shower and sleep in an actual bed. Hilary's with him at the hotel."

Shepard collapsed with relief onto the bench beside the window. Kaya leaned her head back and took a deep breath. It worked. It worked, and it didn't even kill her.

"Shepard, it's not your fault," Kaya said, closing her eyes. Jeff's cap felt particularly scratchy on top of her head. She moved her hand up to take it off, and that was when she realized. "Oh my god. I'm bald. I have no hair."

She took off the hat and rested in on her lap. She ran her fingers over her head – over the rough fuzz that was growing there – and felt the scars. They were tender but not painful. Shepard was watching her with apprehension.

"I take it I _really _fried the implants this time. Be straight with me," Kaya said, still gently running her fingers over her skull. "How weird does it look?"

"You should go with Jack to get some ink," Shepard suggested. She tried to smile, but it did not quite reach her eyes.

Kaya put back on the cap. Her head felt cold without it. She pulled her hands away and stared at the IV and the thinness of her wrists. She asked Shepard to hand her the chart at the foot of the bed, and Shepard obliged. Kaya carefully studied the datapad's contents. They had replaced her kidney and reconstructed her small intestine. She had some kind of stem-cell based therapy she had never heard of to repair her spine. And her implants – Kaya's eyes widened as she looked at the scans – her implants had fused at multiple points to her nervous system. There were notes on attempts to remove them, along with a concerned mention of how many unknown components were rattling around in her skull. Removal was not possible without killing her. And she would almost certainly kill herself if she tried to use biotics again.

"How bad is it?" Shepard asked.

"I should be dead," Kaya said matter-of-factly. "If this happened in my time, I most certainly would be, probably just from the blood loss. At the very least, I would be paralyzed. But, hey, it's hardly the first time I've said that. And you're deflecting."

"From what?"

"It's not your fault, Shepard," Kaya insisted again. "And not just this. What you were thinking earlier, about Jeff and EDI. I – I think I've been thinking about this for a while. But, I didn't even realize. Now – now I think I see. You made the only choice that you could."

"I'm not sure I want to have this conversation."

"Yeah, well, tough. Just listen, okay? I don't think those other two options even existed. I don't think Anderson and the Illusive Man were really there. I don't think that child ever existed. I think the Reapers were trying to indoctrinate you. I mean, I've researched it, and hallucinations and nightmares are one possible way. At least according to all the academic literature."

Shepard was looking at Kaya with a furrowed brow, clearly wondering if the accident had addled Kaya's brains. "No. That doesn't make sense. If the Reapers were trying to indoctrinate me, then why give me any way to destroy them?"

"I suspect they knew you wouldn't believe it otherwise, Shepard. You would have always been looking for that option – for the thing you went there to do – and without it the illusion wouldn't hold." Kaya placed her fingers thoughtfully to her chapped lips. "Just listen, okay? I think it started after Harbinger hit you with that beam. Some of it was really happening, but some of it was a hallucination. I've gone through your memories. Way more times than I would like. There were piles of bodies outside the beam that _weren't there _when you got hit. And Anderson wasn't anywhere _close _to you. And then they found his body in London – yeah, I know about that."

Kaya could feel herself growing manic. She supposed they discontinued her anti-psychotics while she was in a coma. But, this was too important. She had to press on.

"I don't think he ever made it up to the Citadel, Shepard. I don't think the Illusive Man was there, either. It was more like – I don't know – some kind of battle between two parts of your own mind. Everything about those memories feels _wrong. _Off. Nothing like anything else inside your head. People have a kind of unique mental signature. I can tell one person's memories from another's. But that time on the Citadel, and those 'dreams' you had about the little boy – those feel totally different.

"I don't think you ever _actually _would have been able to control the Reapers. And the whole synthesis thing – the idea that one machine could just rewrite the entire genetic code of the galaxy. It doesn't make sense. But an energy signature that could just delete all sentient code? That works, in a way. It makes sense that the Crucible would have been designed to do just that.

"Shepard," Kaya said, taking a deep breath. The effort hurt, as if her lungs had become stiff from underuse. "You didn't have a choice. The Geth. EDI. You couldn't have saved them and taken down the Reapers. I don't think it was actually possible."

Shepard was studying Kaya doubtfully, and Kaya could hear the thoughts whirring through her mind. _It had all felt so real, at the time. And, the Reapers couldn't have indoctrinated her. No, it just wasn't–_

"Shepard," Kaya interrupted. "You were around Reaper tech more than anyone. You were around actual Reapers more than anyone. Anyone who survived, anyway. Hell, how has nobody pointed out how weird it is that you _weren't _indoctrinated, given all that? I mean, you're pretty freaking incredible, but you're not invincible. Don't you see? You made the right choice. Hell, I probably would have chosen synthesis."

"You would have chosen to rewrite the entire genetic code of every species in the galaxy, against their will?" Shepard asked, genuinely distracted by Kaya's statement. Synthesis had not really crossed Shepard's mind up on the Citadel.

"I don't know. Maybe. If it would have prevented a genocide. If it would have saved EDI. If it would have saved Jeff." Kaya took a deep breath and sighed. That was the _real _reason she had considered the option so carefully. She had vivid memories of Jeff after the galaxy was saved, after EDIs death. They were some of the most unpleasant recollections in her PTSD-fueled arsenal.

Kaya continued, "Back in my time, we had a theory. Before there was actual AI. We called it the Singularity. It was the idea that, one day, artificial intelligence and human intelligence, uploaded to computers, would be indistinguishable. Hell, lots of scientists of my time thought it was inevitable. I guess everything that happened after first contact, with all the laws against AI research, kind of snuffed it out. But – and don't shoot me – I always thought it sounded kind of cool."

Kaya pressed her head back against the pillow as she heard Shepard more seriously thinking through the theory. She shut her eyes tight against the artificial lights. Kaya realized that her head had started throbbing, and the steady beep of her heart monitor suddenly seemed too loud. Even though the haze of the migraine, she knew what was happening. Based on those scans, there was no way she was getting out of this without some fairly serious neurological damage. If she was _lucky_, headaches were her only concern.

She opened her eyes, just a tiny bit, and looked around for any kind of button that would dispense pain meds. She _had _to be on some kind of opioid drip, after getting shot up like that. But, there was nothing. Kaya did find a button to call over a nurse, which she pushed as Shepard continued her distracted musing.

Kaya glanced over at Shepard then, as she was shocked to see tears running down her face. Kaya reached out a hand toward her, finding herself relieved that Shepard apparently believed. It was time for Shepard to stop blaming herself. She still held the world on her shoulders, refusing to wash the blood off her hands. Even the blood that was not her responsibility. It scarred her consciousness, and Kaya could read those scars like a giant holographic sign. The pain in his woman – the savior of the damn galaxy and _her _personal savior – was unbearable at times.

Shepard took Kaya's hand, and the bedridden young woman pulled her friend into an embrace. It was about time some of that pain got washed away. Shepard had never done _anything _to deserve the burdens she carried. It was time to let go.

They stayed that way for a long time, with Kaya pulled just barely above the surface of the bed and Shepard sobbing into her shoulder. After everything that had happened, Kaya never would have predicted that _she _would be comforting Shepard. Their relationship had always worked the other way around, with Shepard trying to kick Kaya's ass into gear. The flip felt right, though, as if Kaya was paying her back for everything in one go.

Not that she could ever actually pay Shepard back.

"Shepard? What–" Kaya looked over at Jeff, standing dumbstruck in the doorway. She smiled at him as Shepard released her, easing her back onto the bed.

Kaya had never seen Jeff move half fast as he did then. He crossed the room in two quick strides – quite possibly fracturing his leg in the process, based on the jab of pain that ran through him – and pulled Kaya into an embrace. He said nothing as his hands clutched at her back of her hospital gown, pulling her up farther than Shepard had dared. Kaya was surprised to find there was no pain, or at least not nearly as much as she would expect after being shot to hell. She squeezed Jeff as tightly as she could, her steady breathing turning into shaky sobs. She could _feel _all his worry. She could feel how certain he had been that she would never wake up.

"It's okay now," he murmured, reassuring himself just as much as her. "It's okay."


	26. Awake

When Joker finally pulled away, Shepard had slipped out of the room. Gunnie was gone, too, though she had been right behind him. Even after he let go, Joker still found himself looking at Kaya, resting his forehead against the brim of her cap. She was back. She was really back. He had almost forgotten what her eyes looked like when they were open, and now he found himself lost in how blue they were. They stayed like that for a long time, with Joker trying to memorize every part of her.

Joker finally pulled away and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Was Shepard crying?" he asked. In all their time, though all the shit they had seen, Joker did not think he had ever seen the Commander shed a tear.

"We had a good talk about something," Kaya said quietly, keeping her hands on his shoulders as his moved to her hips. "Maybe I'll tell you about it. Someday."

_Or I could just look inside your damn graybox, _Joker thought. Kaya frowned at that.

"You – damn it, Kasumi. Being in a coma was _not _the kind of emergency I meant."

"Yeah, well, you didn't see how bad you looked," Joker said, the faint smile that had still been clinging to his lips vanishing.

"You totally thought I was going to die," she accused him, raising her voice a little. Suddenly, she winced and lowered herself back onto the bed. "God damn. Where the hell is that nurse?"

"What's wrong?" Joker was hovering over her, feeling the worry that had been dogging him over the past two weeks returning.

"Severe neurological damage," Kaya groaned. Joker felt a stab of panic, and she grabbed his hand in response. "A migraine. Relax."

"Like the ones Kaidan gets?" Joker asked. The idea did not exactly help him calm down.

Kaya pushed the button again to call the nurse. "Pretty much. Hey – I'm fine. I mean, I'm awake. I'm alive. I can feel my toes. Doing pretty good, all things considered."

Given the strain in her voice, Joker felt differently. He was getting up to go demand that someone help Kaya, when a male nurse that Joker recognized walked in. The nurse raised his eyebrows in surprise and made to head back out the door.

"You're awake," he said. "I'll go get–"

"Yeah, first you're going to up my hydromorphone drip," Kaya ordered. "And don't argue, or I'm going to figure out a way to hack the override and do it myself."

Joker could not help smiling again. She may have lost some weight and a lot of hair, but the woman in front of him was still definitely Kaya.

"Ma'am – Dr. Cole – you know I can't do that before the Doc has a look at you. But, I'll hurry. I promise."

Kaya gave an annoyed groan as the nurse slipped back out the door. Joker shifted himself on the bed and removed her cap. Before she could ask what he was doing, he started carefully massaging her scalp. He noted that the scars were starting to fade, and her hair was starting to grow back in a fuzzy, uneven mess. It felt strange to the touch, like it wasn't her head.

"I know," she sighed, closing her eyes. "Stupid assholes planting chips inside my brain. Don't even know what most of them do. Guess it's a good thing they all got fried to hell. But I hadn't cut my hair in _two years._"

"I knew you were going to be pissed off about that," Joker laughed. He hoped, futilely, that it covered the panic the phrase "chips inside my brain" inspired.

"Okay, that feels really good," she said, visibly relaxing a bit. "So, give it to me straight. How bad does it look?"

"Honestly, it's kind of hot." Joker laughed as she opened one eye to look at him skeptically. "I'm serious. I mean, I always kind of had a thing for Jack–"

She hit him playfully in the arm. "Ass."

"You're still absolutely beautiful," he said seriously, leaning down to kiss her. Her lips were dry and cracked, but there was still a familiarity in their warmth. In the way they parted slightly as she tilted her head.

There was a small, unfamiliar cough from behind them. Joker pulled back abashedly as Kaya smirked, turning to see the doctor. Her total lack of shame about PDA never cased to surprise him. Not everyone in the galaxy was privy to the romantic dalliances of all their shipmates. It was a fact she tended to forget, but god damn was that reckless abandon sexy sometimes.

"You're in pain?" the doctor said, just as Kaya threw Joker a wink.

"Headache," she said, the smile vanishing from her face. "I'd give it a seven. _Please _tell me I'm not maxed out on my dosage."

"And the rest of you, Dr. Cole?" he said, running a scan with his Omni-tool.

"I'm able to sit up on my own. Minimal pain in my abdomen. And I can fully feel my toes, so it looks like that spinal treatment took nicely," Kaya said. Joker found himself surprised at how professional she sounded. At that thought, she rolled her eyes at him. "No amnesia, either. As far as I can tell. I have to say, Doc, I'm pretty impressed with what your team did in two weeks."

"Your friends were right to bring you here," the doctor said, punching something in on his Omni-tool. "We used a novel treatment on your spinal repair. I'm glad to see it's taking so well. I'm increasing your dosage, but not too much. I want to have a physical therapist come in here today and have a look, so I'll need you awake. In my professional opinion, we should be able to have you up and walking around by the end of the week."

"Sweet. Thanks, Doc," Kaya said. He nodded, looking between her and Joker before deciding to give them some privacy. She watched the door close before carefully pushing herself back up. "Now, where were we?"

Joker touched his forehead lightly to hers and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I think I was wishing that damn door locked," he said, bringing her closer for a rough, desperate kiss. Then, he pulled away and added, "Actually, I think I had moved past the point of caring."

Kaya laughed at that, and her lips just barely brushed against his with every word as she said, "I'm pretty sure getting it on with Samara, my grand niece, and your little sister on the other side of the door would be just a _little _bit awkward."

"Well, yeah, now that you've gone and spoiled the mood," he said. She laughed again and turned her head, pausing to brush her cheek against his before pressing her lips to his neck. Joker felt the tension ease out of him at the familiar feeling of her teeth just barely nipping him there. He heard himself give an involuntary groan. "I was just going to be blissfully unaware of that fact."

"You know, I–" she sighed, interrupting herself as her back tensed slightly underneath his hand. She rested her head against his shoulder as her hand traced the hair at the back of his neck. "At some point, you're going to have to stop monopolizing me and let them in. Also, sex with a catheter in seems like a bad idea."

He put his hands on her shoulders and brought her sitting upright. Kaya was trying very hard not to laugh, but she failed after getting a good look at whatever horrified expression was surely on his face.

"Yep, mood's definitely killed," Joker laughed. And, despite the fact that she had totally just shut him down, Joker found himself genuinely happy. This was familiar. This was who they were. "Good job, dear. You know, _I _was going to be a gentleman and not mention the bag of piss hanging down off the side of your bed."

"Well, aren't you sweet?" she laughed, bringing herself closer for one last kiss. Her lips lingered there for a moment before she murmured, "Shit, go let them in. Kasumi's debating putting on her tactical cloak and sneaking in anyway."

Joker groaned, but he obliged. When he opened the door, he found Gunnie and Kasumi standing _right _outside, flanked by two marines. Gunnie unceremoniously barreled past him and – even though his sister and girlfriend had only met twice – pulled Kaya into a hug.

_"I told you she liked me," _Kaya projected, looking over Gunnie's shoulder at him. As Gunnie let go, Kaya switched to hugging Kasumi.

Kasumi handed Kaya something, and she let out a little sigh of relief. "Oh my god, you're a saint," she said, pulling the lid off the lip balm. Joker found his attention focused firmly on her lips and what they could do as she moved the tube methodically across them. Kaya arched an eyebrow at him in a way that did _not _help him think decent thoughts.

She smiled at that before looking around, seeming to drink in everything. Her eyes settled on the pile of boxes sitting on the dresser. It had grown considerably over the past two weeks.

"Everyone dropped by to visit," Kasumi explained. "They're your Christmas presents."

Kaya's face fell at that. "We were supposed to have leave on the Citadel. Damn it, Hilary, please tell me you haven't spent your entire winter break sitting in a hospital room."

"Don't worry. I've been seeing the sights with Samara," Gunnie reassured her, picking up one of the boxes from the pile. Kaya shot an amused look in Joker's direction. "She's got some really cool stories. I'll totally have the best vacation story when I go back to school. I mean, how do you top going shopping with a Justicar? Here, this one's from Jeff."

"Now?" Kaya said, reaching out to take the box all the same. She raised an eyebrow in Joker's direction. "I take it you _totally _bought this before I ended up in here."

"Oh, yeah, totally," he said.

She rolled her eyes and tore off the gold wrapping paper. Kaya threw her head back with laughter as she opened the box. There, sitting squarely in the middle, was an SR-2 baseball cap.

"There's more," Joker said. She made a little, high-pitched sound of approval, putting on the hat, and Kaya looked at the small datapad underneath. Her eyes flashed across the screen as she read the receipt.

"Okay, that's just cool," she said with a big smile. "I can't believe you remembered that."

"A hot chick sitting next to me, telling me she wanted to fly a Cesna? A hot chick that knew was a Cesna _is. _Hell yeah I remembered," Joker said, remembering back to one of their first conversations aboard the Normandy. "As soon as you're better, we'll head out there. Little airfield outside Vancouver, for whenever we hit up HQ. The rental's good for, like, a year."

"Oh, there is no way we're waiting that long," Kaya said. She frowned and took of her cap, bending the brim between her hands. She pouted a bit at how little give it had, before grabbing Joker's hat off of the bed and putting it on instead.

Joker laughed. "Seriously?"

"It's not like I wear this around the Normandy because it's stylish," Kaya said, rolling her eyes. "I wear it because you let me. Because it's yours." She held out the new, stiff-billed hat at him. "So, you just bought yourself a new hat. Congratulations."

"You're impossible," he said, unable to wipe the smile off his face as he put on the new hat. She was right. It was not nearly as comfortable.

"And you love me for it," she said, pulling up her Omni-tool. "Anyway, I got a present for you too."

"What, the Scorpion wasn't enough?"

The corner of Kaya's lip twitched, though she never took her eyes off her Omni-tool. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Right," he said, drawing out the word in skepticism.

"Here, I forwarded something to your 'tool," she said. Kaya tried to lean back on her palms, before remembering that she had an IV in with a frown. Instead, she settled for laying back down and searching for the controls to the bed's recline settings.

He raised an eyebrow at her before pulling up his own orange holographic display. "You sent me paperwork?"

"Just read it, asshole."

He looked at the official request. It was a special form for the Normandy's strange joint-jurisdiction. She was requesting shore leave. "Holy shit. You got us a month off. How did you–"

"Next page," she said, finding the button to bring her bed into a sitting position.

"You planned a vacation," he said, eyes scrolling over the itinerary. There was a whole list of places Kaya had always talked about going for _fun_, instead of on a mission. London. Paris. Tokyo. Palaven. Rannoch. Tuchanka. There were shuttle tickets purchased for next month, along with hotel bookings and even a skydiving reservation in Thailand. "How the hell can you afford all this?"

"Well, let's see, I don't have to pay for rent. Or food. Or student loans. Or, you know, really anything. And, for a military gig, my current job pays pretty well," she replied, beaming. "So, are you in?"

"This is way too much, Kaya," he said seriously.

"Bullshit. I'm doing this just as much for me. We both need a damn vacation, with all the high stress missions the past year has thrown at us. And there are so many places I want to go. This only scratches the surface. So, as soon as we settle all this crap with Blacklight, we're going. We'll make a stop in Vancouver for those flying lessons."

She was still smiling, but there was a determination in Kaya's eyes. He knew that look. Joker loved it as much as he feared it. There was no changing her mind when she wore _that _look.

"Well, I had guess we had better get that physical therapist in here, ASAP," he said. "I'm sure as hell not carrying your ass around the galaxy."


	27. Break

Kaya held herself up between the parallel bars in the physical therapy room. She was surprised by how much of her weight her legs could already support, but walking felt odd. Unnatural. She figured her newly formed nerves were still making the proper connections to her muscles. Her motions were choppy, and she really had to think about each muscle group as she took a step.

But, she was walking. Her goddamn spine had been severed, and she was still walking.

Jeff was standing next to her, ready to catch Kaya if her legs gave way. She kept getting little flashbacks of his own time spent in the hospital, learning how to walk with crutches following one surgery or another. The memories from right after Cerberus "upgraded" his legs were particularly prominent. Kaya could feel how worried he had been. He had figured she would have to go through hell to get upright again. Jeff knew that pain, and he was elated to realize that she would not have to face it.

"That's very good," the physical therapist said. "See if you can make it to the end of the bars."

Kaya kept taking cautious steps, putting a little more of her weight on her legs each time. She let out a hiss and stumbled upon apparently reaching her limit, just a few steps away from the end of the course.

"You okay?" Jeff asked, bending down to help her up. She nodded and used his support to pull herself back into a standing position.

Kaya looked up and opened her mouth to assure him he was fine. Then she saw one Kaidan Alenko jogging toward them from down the hall. She caught Jeff's attention and looked over at the Major.

"You're awake!" Kaidan said, a big smile plastered on his face. He pulled Kaya into a hug. "And you're up. You look good."

"Liar," she laughed, pulling backward from him. She had seen a mirror. Her hair was growing in uneven tufts, and her cheekbones were too prominent. There were deep purple bruises under her eyes. Her ability to walk was a miracle, true, but she was still wobbling like a toddler. "Wait, if you didn't know I was up, what are you doing here?"

Kaidan shot a look at the physical therapist. "Right," Jeff said. "Maybe we should cut this session short today. Official business and all."

The therapist was reluctant to let them go. There were still fifteen minutes left in their session. But, she eventually relented. Kaya sat back down in her wheelchair and allowed Kaidan to push her. They made their way to where Hilary was standing out in the hall, looking annoyed.

"Your squad just kicked me out," she grumbled, looking at Jeff. "Something about classified intel."

"Sorry," Kaidan said. "We'll just be a moment. I promise."

They made their way into the hospital room. Shepard, Samara, and Kasumi were huddled in a corner, talking in hushed voices.

"What have you found?" Kaya asked, as Kaidan parked her wheelchair next to the rocking chair. Jeff sat down there and took her hand.

Kaidan explained everything they had discovered about that redheaded bitch, Rivers, and the curious lack of communications on Amaterasu. It was thin evidence, but Kaya had stopped believing in coincidences a long time ago. When he got to the part about fancy Alliance psychic-blocking devices, Kaya's brow furrowed.

"Wait, why the hell didn't we have those when we went into the Valley?" she asked, immediately feeling a pang of distrust toward Van Dyne.

"Sanders only just … _acquired _them from the Alliance, Kaya. Calm down," Kaidan answered.

"Wait, you _stole _Alliance tech? You?" Kaya said, unable to contain her disbelieving smile.

"Ha ha. You can make another _hilarious _joke about my being Hackett's whipping boy later, okay? Right now, can we just focus on the mission? I've already put a huge team on the Indigo Kids up on the Citadel," Kaidan explained. "N7 graduates and top C-Sec officers. They'll be safe. I'm calling in reinforcements here, too. Joker, can I count you in for this?"

Kaya could feel that his instinctive response was negative, so she quickly shot him a look and projected, _"You should go. This could be another one of those traps were the Normandy gets targeted, and they need the best damn helmsman in the fleet."_

_"I'm not leaving you," _he shot back with a frown.

_"I'll be fine. Besides, I'm not exactly planning on sticking around here."_

_"Kai–"_

_"Don't you 'Kaya' me. This is my fight. I'll be damned if I'm not going to be in the co-pilot's seat for the finale."_

_"This could be nothing. You need to rest," _he insisted.

_"This could be everything," _she shot back, noticing that their friends were beginning to exchange curious glances. _"I'm not going groundside, Jeff. I just want to be there. I want to see this though. See this end. I know you understand that. Now, give the Major an answer before they catch on to what we're up to."_

"All right," Jeff finally said, narrowing his eyes at Kaya. _How did she always win these things? _"I'm coming. But I want your word that the protection detail here gets beefed up."

"Absolutely," Kaidan said, extending a hand toward Jeff. "Welcome back."

They shook on it as Shepard said, "Man, I really wish I could come with you guys. Pretty sure Garrus would kill me, though."

"Yeah, he gave me very strict orders _not _to let you aboard the Normandy," Kaidan said with a regretful smile. "As a Councilor, I'm pretty sure he's one of the few people in the universe I do actually have to take orders from. Don't worry, Commander. We've got this."

Kaya must have been pouting very convincingly, because Shepard looked at her and said, "I guess you and I will be sitting this one out together."

Kaya rolled her eyes. She noted that Samara and Kasumi weren't buying it for a second and tried to keep herself from smiling. "Kaidan never explicitly said–"

"That you're banned from this mission? Because you're banned from this mission, Kaya Cole," Kaidan said seriously. "And that's an order."

"You pulling rank on me, Major? Because I'm not _technically _in the military."

"I'm still your boss, Kaya. Don't think I'm above firing you for insubordination. It might be kind of nice, firing someone without all of the special investigations and paperwork the military requires for a discharge."

She stuck her tongue out at him and thought of a few choice curse words before just settling on, "Fine. But I'm staying in radio contact with the Normandy, so you had better get me a secure channel."

"Deal. Okay, move out. Those extra marines should be here within the hour. I want everyone aboard the Normandy as soon as they're set up here. We're at dock 127, over at the main port." He knelt down next to Kaya's chair and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry. But, you can't _walk_. And I'm pretty sure Joker would murder me."

She pulled him into a hug, trying to make it convincing. "Just come back in one piece, okay? And make sure you bring my boyfriend back, or I'll be pretty pissed off."

He nodded at her, as Shepard asked to talk to him privately aboard the Normandy. Shepard ensured Kaya that she would be right back. Kaya waited until they were both out of earshot to turn to Kasumi.

"Right, so now that he's gone, you have a plan to sneak me aboard the Normandy, right?"

"You are so going to get us all dishonorably discharged," Jeff said, rolling his eyes.

"Technically, you're the only person in this room that could happen to," Kaya said, giving him a tight-lipped smile. He narrowed his eyes at her in mock annoyance. "Don't worry, though. He wasn't _completely _serious about firing me."

"Yeah, but he likes you a hell of a lot more than he likes me."

"True," she mused in a sing-song voice. "You chickening out on me, Moreau?"

"Personally, I intend to have no part in this plot," Samara said in a calm voice.

"Uh oh. This isn't against the Code or anything, is it?" Kaya said, scanning Samara's memories.

"No. It's just not a very good idea," she said, in a very motherly way. "But, I know better than to try and stop you. I will be out in the hall."

Kaya watched Samara go with raised eyebrows as Jeff let out a little laugh. "I think we just disappointed Samara," he said. "Why do I suddenly feel like I'm fifteen and my parents just got my report card?"

It was Kaya's turn to laugh as a memory flashed through his mind. "You got a D in geometry? And you fly a damn warship? Doesn't that require some kind of spatial awareness? And, you know, math?"

"There was this hot blonde that used to sit kitty-corner from me. She would wear these really low jeans – ow!"

Kaya smacked him lightly a second time on the arm, just for good measure. "Not mental imagery I need right now, thank you very much," she said, rolling her eyes. "And, Kasumi, how's that plan coming?"

"You talk like I haven't been thinking about this from day one," Kasumi said with a lopsided smile. "Have a little faith."


	28. Normandy

"I'm glad you came aboard," Kaidan said to Joker as he reached the front of the Normandy bridge. "I'm surprised you were willing to leave, but I really appreciate it."

"Yeah, about that," a familiar voice said from the co-pilot's chair. Kaya suddenly appeared, her tactical cloak shimmering off, as she swiveled in her seat. She was wearing a characteristic, mischievous grin.

"Get the hell off my ship, Kaya Cole," Kaidan said, just barely raising his voice as he pointed to the airlock. "What did I say about firing you? There's no way you're in any state to be out of the hospital."

"Relax, boss. I ran this past Karin first," Kaya said. "She's well equipped to take care of me. And It's not like I'm asking to go to the ground. I'm not an idiot. Usually. But, did you really think I was going to let you head out to the final battle without me?"

"Kaya–"

"Hey! Do you want the best damn pilot in the Alliance at your back on this one or not?" she demanded.

"I can't believe Chakwas – Joker – You know what? We are all going to have a really serious discussion about the chain of command when this is over. And what about that contingent of damn marines that was supposed to be keeping you in the hospital?"

"The babysitter's club?" she said, moving to stand up. Kasumi suddenly darted out of a corner and helped her, slinging Kaya's arm over her shoulders. "I called Hackett and told him I was rejoining the Normandy. He seemed pretty happy to have some resources back in his pocket."

"Absolutely unbelievable. And did I say you could stay on the ship? I don't remember ever saying you could stay on the ship."

"We've cleared all our preflight checks, Major," Joker said. He sounded _almost _professional.

"You two – I can't even deal with this right now," Kaidan said, shaking his head. He would have argued more. He very badly wanted to argue more. But, they needed to get going immediately. "Get us in the air, Joker. We'll talk about this later."

Kaya slowly walked forward a couple of steps and put her hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "Relax. I will stay shipside. I promise. But I wasn't going to miss this."

"Seriously? Go, before I throw you out the airlock," he groaned. She gave a little laugh that he found particularly grating at the moment and limped off to the elevator. Kaidan found himself fighting the urge to smack Joker upside the head. "I have no words," he said to his pilot. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"Major, even if I hadn't helped her – and, I would just like to point out that I played a very small role – she would have found a way aboard. It's Kaya, after all."

* * *

><p>Inside the elevator, the trace of a smile vanished from Kaya's lips. She wanted to pace, but it was not the most practical of wishes in her state. <em>Everyone <em>else had visited her in the hospital. Everyone except, as Kasumi had very reluctantly informed her, James Vega. Even Garrus had found time in his busy schedule as a goddamn Councilor. Even _Van Dyne _had come, and Kaya hated that asshole.

Kaya had tried to compose several messages to him on her Omni-tool, but none of them quite conveyed how _hurt _she was. Now, she was really wishing she had found better wording. Facing off against Vega over the extranet would be infinitely less distressing than facing him in person. She knew exactly why he had not visited. Even as Kaya braced herself to feel the full impact of his guilt, she was prepared for this conversation to be decidedly unpleasant.

As the elevator doors opened at the cargo bay, Kaya turned to Kasumi. "Let me take this one alone, okay?"

Kaya stood straight and took a few steps on her own. She was able to support all of her weight, after all, she had just had to be very deliberate in her movements. Kasumi's protest died in her throat, and the hooded thief shrugged.

"I'll be back up on the bridge annoying your boyfriend," she said, letting the elevator doors close between them.

Kaya turned, taking a deep, bracing breath. She took a few careful steps, looking around the cargo bay. Steve was leaning against his console, shaking his head.

"There is no way Alenko let you on to the ship," he laughed.

"Yeah, you guys may want to up the security protocols for the cargo bay during docking," Kaya said guiltily. She reached him after a few more slow steps and extended a hand. "How are you doing, Cortez?"

He took her hand, and they shook on an unspoken agreement: we put Blackfish Industries behind us. "Can't complain," he said.

"Good. Oh, by the way, I got your Christmas present," she said cheerfully. He had gotten her a type of asari headdress similar to the one Samara wore, made out of the lightest metal she had ever seen. "Thank you. It's gorgeous."

"I thought it went well with your new look."

"Yeah," she said, running a hand over her shaved head. "_That _hasn't quite sunk in yet. The bullet wounds are easier to adapt to. Oh, and I got you something, too. But it won't arrive for a bit."

"Oh? It is after Christmas, you know. You could just tell me."

"And ruin the surprise? Not a chance," Kaya laughed. But, her smile vanished as her eyes flicked over to James's usual spot in the cargo bay. She was avoiding the _real _reason she had come down.

"Vega's over in his usual spot," Steve said knowingly. "Hey, go easy on him, okay? What happened down there – it hit him really hard."

"Yeah, I know," Kaya sighed. "I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

She walked slowly around the procurement bench, focusing on her muscle movements instead of the conversation ahead. Flex anterior muscles, lean forward, flex posterior muscles, plant foot. Repeat. Vega was doing pull ups in his usual spot on the starboard side. She took a deep breath, thinking about turning around. Then, as she reached him and he pointedly avoided her gaze, she felt a bit of anger snap into place.

"James Vega, you're an asshole," she started. "Your best friend's in a coma and you don't even visit her in the hospital. What the hell?" When he maintained a stony silence, continuing with his exercise, she yelled at him. "Answer me, god damn it!"

He got down and stood almost uncomfortably close to her. His voice was low and dangerous. "What do you want me to say, Blue? That I couldn't bear to see my friend – _who I shot in the back – _lying near death in a hospital bed? That I couldn't face Joker, knowing what I'd done to the woman he loves? That the fact that you can barely walk is _my _fault?"

She found tears coming unbidden to her eyes and turned away angrily. She had come here to yell at him for being such a damn coward, but his waves of emotion were overcoming her own anger and hurt. She wiped the tears away with the heels of her hands before balling them into fists.

"None of this is your fault, James. You know that."

"Like hell I do, Blue!" She could still feel him towering over her. "I. Shot. You."

Kaya whipped back around, forgetting for a moment that she was severely crippled, and fell over. James caught her right before she hit the floor. Her throat tightened, and Kaya could feel more frustrated tears coming to the surface. This was going even worse than she had expected. James gently set her down in a sitting position and sat cross-legged next to her. When she had caught her breath, she attempted to look him straight in the eyes. He kept his own turned down at the metal floor.

"James, look at me," Kaya said sternly. He did not comply, but she continued, "I have made people take their own lives with this power. And that was without any training. _Nobody _can resist it. This isn't your fault."

"I pulled the damn trigger!"

"And I lived! You could have shot me in the head, but you didn't. Some part of you kept me alive. You fought to save me, James. I could feel the battle raging inside your own mind. You didn't do this to me. You saved my life." She put a hand under his chin and gently lifted it, finally getting his eyes to meet hers. "You saved my life. Guess that makes up for all the times I've pulled your ass out of the fire."

He let out a strangled laugh at that. "When the hell has that ever happened? And don't bring up Paris again. You putting Medi-gel on my literal ass doesn't count."

"Um, that totally counts," she said, happy to find herself genuinely smiling. "I didn't need to see that. And what about that time I totally swooped in and kept you from getting overrun by Eclipse mercs? Or the time on Tuchanka when I stopped that krogan charging at you? Or–"

"Yeah, yeah, fine. You've made your point. But, I've still saved your ass _way _more times, Blue."

Her hand was still resting under his chin. She made a loose fist and gave him a playful nudge on the jaw. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Guess that means I can forgive you for being a total asshole. Just this once."

* * *

><p>When Joker walked into their cabin, Kaya was standing in front of the mirror applying the weird Asari head jewelry Cortez had gotten. She was wearing the necklace Samara gave her, identical to his, and had changed into the pale blue dress from Liara. It was as if she was trying to wear all her presents in one go. He had to smile at that.<p>

"What the hell are you doing?" he laughed, making a mental note to thank Liara. The dress Kaya was wearing had a high neckline and long sleeves, but it was almost inappropriately short and had a large cut out in the back. And his girlfriend had a damn sexy back.

"Apparently I'm getting checked out by my boyfriend," Kaya quipped. "What are you doing down here?"

"Amaterasu's not in a relay system," Joker explained. "We've got a good fourteen hours until we even reach their star system."

"You're letting a relief pilot take over?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "We haven't even been in the air for two hours."

"I figured I should let her get in some practice," Joker said, moving to stand behind Kaya and wrapping his arms around her waist. He was careful not to lean on her, the way he normally would. "Seriously, though, what's with all the bling?"

"I'm not allowed to look pretty for the hell of it?"

"You always look pretty," he said, bringing his lips down to her neck. "But, I'm about to tear you out of that dress and rip it all off anyway."

"Don't you dare," she scolded, reaching up to give his beard a playful tug. "I really like this dress. And, come on, I've seen you checking out Samara. This headdress is damn sexy. Let me finish putting it on."

"You're impossible," he growled, nipping at her shoulder.

"And you're making it hard to concentrate," she shot back. Her lips pursed as he watched her apply another one of the gold shapes to her forehead. "Besides, I don't – I don't know exactly how _that _is supposed to work when I can barely stand."

She shifted uncomfortably, and Joker grabbed her working hand. "Then, I say again, what the hell are you doing standing in front of a mirror? At least let me do it." When she snorted, he playfully pinched her side. "Hey, I've got some steady hands here. Have a little faith."

Kaya relented and moved over to the bed. Her stance was not quite as crippled as his own, but she moved a lot slower. He put his arm around her for support, and the role reversal certainly did not go over his head. Eventually, they made it there, and he eased her down onto the mattress. Kaya held out the one piece she had yet to apply.

"They just stick on, but you can peel it back off if you screw up."

"I've got this," he said, sitting down next to her. He aligned the shape so that it mirrored the one on the other side of her face. "There. Like a pro."

She raised an eyebrow in mock-doubt and ran her fingers along the metal now affixed to both sides of her forehead. His handiwork must have been satisfactory, because she leaned in to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"Now, about that dress," he said in a low voice, running his fingers lightly down the bare of her back. Yeah, he _really _needed to thank Liara for this one.

She pulled up her Omni-tool, and the light on the cabin door flashed red. Kaya pulled away from him slightly and cupped his face in her palms. Her fingers gently moved through his beard, and he was surprised to see something sad in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing, love," she said with a pensive smile. "I was just reflecting on how happy I am that we're both still here. I suppose you're going to make some quip about 'celebrating' that fact now."

"I don't think you'd have to read my mind to know that one," he said, cupping her hands in his. Even though Joker definitely had other things in mind, just having her fingers against his face felt good. Right. He had spent the past two weeks thinking he might never have her reach out and touch him again. He vowed never to take a moment like this for granted.

"God damn. We're just a couple of saps," Kaya laughed.

"Oh, I'm pretty determined to prove you wrong on that," Joker said with a wolfish smile.

He released her hands and grabbed at her back, bringing his lips to hers for a hungry kiss. She returned his enthusiasm, fingers entwining in his hair. Soon, her hands moved to his back and down to the hem of his shirt. Kaya pulled it off with one fluid, practiced motion. She knelt carefully on the bed and pulled her dress up over her head.

Joker looked down at her and winced. While the wounds were closed, her torso was still covered in purple splotches and healing scars. This was the first time he had actually seen the damage. Kaya frowned and looked down, running her fingers lightly over the bruises.

"Does it hurt?"

She looked at him with a small smile. "Not really. I think we're just going to have to be a lot more gentle that usual."

Joker remembered back to when they had first started getting intimate. At first, Kaya had been too careful, not willing to put her full weight on him or move too quickly. It took quite a few tries to get her to relax and treat him like anyone else. Now, the roles seemed to be reversed. _She _was the one made of glass.

"I'm not made of glass," she said, pouting. "And this was your idea, remember? By my frame of reference, we had sex two days ago."

"Am I – if you don't want–"

"Did I say that, Jeff? No, I'm pretty sure I didn't say that," she said, bringing a finger thoughtfully to her lips.

Her emotionally manipulative gesture worked, even as he was aware of how she was purposefully pouting and pushing out her chest. He focused on everything above the neck. Well, okay, everything above the chest. She was right. The Asari headdress was damn sexy. She looked like something out of an old, dystopian science-fiction movie. The kind with the sexy, badass heroines that could use a pulse rifle but instead stick to some sweet throwing daggers.

Kaya laughed, bringing her arms behind her and unhooking her bra. Joker groaned as she pulled in close to him before he could get a good look. "So, throwing daggers, huh? I'll have to remember that one," she laughed.

He lowered her down onto the bed. "Damn it, Kaya, stop screwing around and just–"

She wrapped her arms around Joker's neck, pressing her chest to his as she explored his mouth with her tongue. She pulled away for just a moment and whispered, "I'm pretty sure screwing around is the whole idea."


	29. Amaterasu

Kaya sat in the co-pilot's chair, helping with some navigation calibrations as they left the last mass relay. Jeff and Gabby had been teaching her a little about the Normandy over the past few months. It had started mostly so she could have an excuse to be up on the bridge. Now, she found the calculations relaxing and the physics behind the mass effect core fascinating. Kaya got so distracted by an anomaly in the ship's mapping system that she did not have enough time to react as Jack snuck up behind her.

"No, no, no – Ow!" Kaya yelped, grabbing the back of her head where Jack had smacked her.

"That's for getting yourself put into a coma," Jack said through gritted teeth. She lightly – lightly for Jack, anyway – punched Kaya in the shoulder. "And that's for sneaking onto the Normandy."

"What part of 'brain surgery' doesn't compute inside your thick skull?" Kaya cried, shielding the back of her head from any more surprises. "And, you're going to stand there and tell me you wouldn't do the same damn thing?"

Kaya looked over at Jeff for some help. However, he was too busy considering how similar this was to the beginning of some of his more messed up fantasies. She narrowed her eyes at him in warning and annoyance. _Men._

"You're probably right, but you're supposed to be smarter than me, _Doctor_," Jack said, sitting on the console between Kaya and Jeff. Kaya rolled her eyes and relaxed a little, though she still kept her arms defensively up in front of chest. "Liking the new look, by the way. You know–"

"I'm not getting a tattoo on my head, Jack," Kaya said shortly.

"Some nice geometric shapes right there," Jack said, flicking Kaya's skull. Kaya swatted at her hand. "It would be hot. What do you think, Joker?"

Jeff said nothing, and Kaya rolled her eyes. "He's thinking he's too smart to choose sides here. Asshole."

"I'm gonna make you some sketches," Jack said. "I could do the ink myself. You _were _considering letting me give you one before this mess."

"Wait, really?" Jeff said, raising his eyebrows at Kaya.

Kaya sighed. "I told Jack that if she could come up with something I liked, I would _consider _it. But, I can see inside your head, Jack. Those skull tats hurt like a bitch."

"If you survived twelve bullets, you can survive a little ink," Jack shot back. "I'll keep working on those sketches. Anyway, Joker, how long until we get to kick some Blacklight ass?"

They had ten hours before reaching Amaterasu. Even with all the painkillers and a new dose of anti-psychotics, Kaya found herself anxious and jittery after Jack left. She attempted working on the calibrations again, but her mind was going off in fifty different directions. She was going through all the ways this mission could go wrong. She was thinking about how Shepard was going to flay her when they returned to the Citadel. She was concentrating on the throbbing patch on the back of her head.

Kaya had changed into the N7 hoodie and sweatpants she had _borrowed _from Shepard, but she still had Steve's Asari headdress on. It had survived her and Jeff's reunion surprisingly well. She ran her fingers nervously over the edges, and Kaya was unsurprised to find that her hands were shaking.

"Uh, Kaya?" She looked over at Jeff and realized he had been trying to get her attention for a minute. She must have spaced out. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said, flashing him a smile that Jeff did not believe for one fraction of a second. She took a deep breath, refusing to wince as it pulled at her side, and shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I just hate the waiting between missions. Same as always."

"Serious question," he said, checking something quickly on the console before turning back to her. "What would _you _get a tattoo of?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, narrowing her eyes as the way his voice shifted on the word "you."

"I dunno. I just never saw you as the kind of girl who would get inked," he said with a shrug. "I mean, it doesn't exactly fit into your image as a sort-of-hippie, dress-wearing, cupcake-baking cheerleader."

Jeff had gone a full month without mentioning her little stint as a cheerleader in high school. Kaya supposed his jab was right on schedule.

"You forgot the bad-ass former biotic who knows how to kill you with a ballpoint pen bit," Kaya shot back. "Or a gun. Whatever's close by, really."

He laughed. "Okay, fine. Point made. But, seriously, I'm curious."

Kaya pulled up her Omni-tool and forwarded a sketch over to his personal files. "Actually, this was what I sent to Jack to work on. I had a friend in medical school. Her younger sister, Rhea, was a tattoo artist down in Venice – it's a crazy eclectic part of L.A. We were hanging out with her and some friends one night, and she made me something like this. I've been trying to remember what exactly it looked like. Rhea had this awesome, kind of sketch-like style. Really artistic. I was actually considering it as a graduation present to myself. And then, you know, I got sent on a mission to Mars. There wasn't time to track her down."

She looked at the image, studying it and trying to remember what other elements Rhea had included that were so badass. All she could really remember was the stylized caduceus.

He pulled up the sketch on his console and studied it for a bit. "You're serious about this, aren't you?"

"Maybe," she said with a shrug. Kaya was just enough of a commitment-phobe that she would probably never go through with it. "Maybe when this is all over, I'll do it. Celebrate this chapter being done with. Hey, I could get it in purple. Indigo, you know? That could be kind of cool. What?"

Jeff was looking at her with worry. "This just – it seems like the kind of thing you'd do in a manic state. And then you'd regret it five hours later. Which makes me wonder – are you feeling okay?"

Kaya pursed her lips and looked away, out the window at the Normandy's nose. Was she manic? Her fingers were still tapping nervously at the metal at the side of her temple. For a psychic, sometimes Kaya could have a poor grasp on her own mind. That's what Jeff and Kaidan were for, so she might as well listen to one of them on occassion. She thought back over the way she had excitedly opened all of her Christmas presents, smuggled into her cabin by Kasumi. She thought about the way she had agreed to sex, even though her torso and spine were already sore with protest. Hell, she had wanted it more badly than him, even though there was that voice in the back of her mind saying, _"What the fuck? You were in a coma last night." _She reflected on how seriously she had just been considering getting a freaking tattoo.

Damn it.

"No," she sighed, lowering her shaking hands and putting them in the pockets of her sweatshirt. "Make me a promise, okay? If I try to get off the ship or do something just as stupid, you'll stop me, right? This won't turn into another Palaven."

"Deal. Do I need to call Dr. Chakwas?"

Kaya shook her head. "Karin already put me back on my meds. They just haven't kicked in yet." She took out a bottle of pills from the pocket of her sweatshirt. "I think I'll just go back to sleep for a bit. Wake me up when Kaidan calls everyone together for a briefing, okay?"

"You sure that's a good idea?" Jeff asked, eyeing the bottle of sedatives.

She dry-swallowed a pill and shrugged. "Me in a drug-induced sleep is probably better than me in a manic state trapped aboard a ship, even if I don't have my biotics anymore. Just wake me up when we reach the star system, okay?"

* * *

><p>Joker considered not waking her up. Kaya had curled up in the co-pilot's chair, the hood of her sweatshirt pulled over her face, and slept for the entire ten hours. He could only see her lips, parted as she softly snored. He had already let her continue sleeping after they hit the outer edge of Amaterasu's star system. Now, the Normandy was only twenty minutes away from the silent planet.<p>

Traynor was right. There was something distinctly eerie about the former Alliance colony.According to their data, it might as well have been a gas giant. No errant broadcasts of vids or occasional intercepted communications of a ground team. The whole planet was dark.

Kaidan was calling the team in to the conference room to go over all their intel. Kaya would be _pissed _if she missed the whole damn mission. Joker sighed and stood up. He gently nudged Kaya on the shoulder. Still asleep, she murmured something he could not make out and grabbed his hand. Joker stood there for a moment, again debating whether to wake her. But, the pressure on her shoulder must have been enough, because Kaya's eyes fluttered open.

She laced her fingers in his and tried to sit up straight. Immediately, Kaya inhaled sharply and curled back into a ball.

"I should _not _have tried that stunt on top," she muttered. "Ow."

Joker laughed. "Hey, I tried to talk you out of it, remember? You said something about a 'sex goddess'." He made air quotes with his free hand, and she just groaned. "Kaidan's pulling everyone together in the conference room. I think if you go in there, he might _actually _try to space you. So, maybe we should just listen from here."

"I guess I should try and keep my big mouth shut. He's legitimately pissed at me." Kaya saw something flashing on her Omni-tool and pulled it up. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

"I got a message from Shepard when we hit a comm buoy." Her eyes widened as she scanned the text. "We are both so grounded."

"Grounded? For the record, I really hate it when you refer to Shepard like she's your mom. It's creepy."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "It's only creepy because of that one dream you had. Which, gross, by the way. Besides, she's eleven years older than me, not counting the whole being-in-cryo-for-seventy-years thing. She's kind of like a big sister. The kind of big sister that will kick your ass when you get out of line. Which I'm pretty sure is what's going to happen next time I'm on the Citadel."

"No. It's creepy because I'm only one year younger than her," Joker said, wincing. He preferred to forget how much of an age difference there was between him and Kaya. Ten years was just starting to reach the point where people judged you.

"Yeah, but you're a guy. So, you know, you automatically deduct at least five years to get to your mental age," Kaya quipped. Then, she seemed to realize this was really bothering him. "Oh, come on. We've had this conversation. Multiple times. With everything that's happened to both of us, age doesn't really mean anything. Neither of us followed the typical path. I sure as hell don't have the life of a normal twenty-something."

Joker sighed. "Never thought I would hear myself complain about having a hot, younger girlfriend."

"Exactly, so–"

Kaidan's voice was coming in from the conference room. "Joker, what's our ETA?"

"We're twenty minutes out, Major," Joker said, deciding to drop it.

"Alright. We don't know if they're expecting us or if they have intel on the Normandy's stealth systems. Bring her in behind the planet's moon, and we'll take the shuttle from there," Kaidan said. He must have turned to the team gathered in the conference room, because he continued, "Liara, what do we know?"

"Not as much as I would like," she said. Joker looked over and found Kaya carefully studying him. "We know for sure that this is where Anne Rivers supposedly died. And we know that _something _is blocking all communications in and out. But, the Alliance reports that their team has been maintaining contact."

"So, we're either dealing with a rogue Alliance faction or someone with the access codes to fake communication," Kaidan said.

"Correct."

_What the hell are you staring at me like that for, Kaya?_

Kaya muted her comm output. "Why does this bother you so much?"

Joker rolled his eyes and pointed to his ear. _Not now, okay?_

"–all hands on deck," Kaidan was saying. "We've got where the signal is likely originating from. Cortez, I want you dropping the three squads at these points. We'll converge on the base and try to flank any troops that might be stationed there. Once inside, if they're there, taking Thomas or Rivers _alive _is the priority. This could be another Binary Helix, where someone else is pulling the strings. We need to make sure that we end it this time."

_So, you know, don't go shooting our one witness during an interrogation or anything like that._

Kaya had turned away for a moment to listen more intently to Kaidan, messing with something on the console. At his thought about Maya Brooks's interrogation six months ago, she visibly shuddered. But, neither Kaya nor Joker had quite processed _that _little display from the Commander, so Kaya changed the subject.

"Did someone say something about us?"

He shook his head as Jack asked exactly _how _strict that last order was. Joker groaned, knowing he was going to regret engaging his girlfriend, and muted his comm.

"It's just that you say stuff like that sometimes. I mean, Garrus is _younger _than me, and you've compared him to your dad more than once."

"You never met my dad," Kaya said, as Kaidan was chewing Jack out. "It's sometimes eerie how much Garrus is like him. The being a pain in the ass during lessons, the healthy and somewhat hypocritical dislike of bureaucracy–"

"Fine, but you can understand why that creeps me out, right?"

Kaya bit her lip and studied him. Joker had gotten used to this, to having her sift through his thoughts whenever they argued. The first time it was infuriating. How were you supposed to argue with a damn psychic? Later, he had just given up. Reading people's thoughts was second nature to Kaya. He found himself thinking about how much Kaya hated Van Dyne for doing the _exact same thing_. And then he remembered that she was still reading his mind.

"For the record, I am not trying to pick a new fight–"

"I know. And you're right," Kaya sighed, leaning her head on her knees. "On both counts, I guess. But, you know I don't think of you as my older boyfriend or something, right? You're just Jeff. You're the pilot of a damn military space frigate who saved the galaxy. That's a hell of a lot more intimidating. But, your age is never really something I even think about. Honest."

Kaidan was telling everyone to suit up. Joker turned back to the console as Amaterasu grew larger in the window. He located the moon and set a course, noting how Kaya had not really touched the whole _morality of telepathy _thing.

"Goddess of the sun," Kaya said, leaving Joker to shoot her a curious glance. She shrugged and explained, "Amaterasu. In Shinto, she's a major goddess. My dad took me to her temple in Ise City, when I was little. I had this toy wolf that was a representation of her from some old story. I loved that thing. Took it everywhere. I had it – it was with my things aboard the Magellan. Arriving at a planet named after her is honestly throwing me a little."

Joker took the change in topic to mean that they had finished talking about their issues, just as Kaidan walked into the cockpit. Joker was pretty sure he saw Kaya shrink toward the starboard side as Kaidan stopped behind them.

"Kaya, come talk with me for a minute. In private."

Joker avoided looking at Kaya. He had never really heard Kaidan talk this way to a junior officer, with a _darkness _in his voice. Not while he was in command of the Normandy, anyway. (And as long as they weren't including Jack.) The Major had always been one of the most levelheaded commanding officers Joker had ever known. He kept it together better than Shepard. So the edge in his voice now was particularly unnerving.

Out of the corner of his eye, Joker saw Kaya swivel her chair around. He was surprised at how soft her voice was.

"You have every right to be furious with me. And I'm sorry. Honestly. I–"

"'In private' mean something different seventy years ago?"

_Holy shit. _Joker looked over at Kaya, to try and give her some kind of reassuring look. Make some kind of projected joke about how much trouble she was in. But, Kaya was looking straight ahead, studying Kaidan intently. Whatever she saw there, it set worry into her eyes.

"Be right back," she muttered, slowly uncurling herself and standing.

She took a couple cautious steps forward before Kaidan realized she needed help. He put his arm under her shoulders, and they walked slowly over to the elevator. Joker turned his chair and watched them both, feeling his stomach tie itself into knots. Something about the way Kaya looked at Kaidan made him feel very uneasy. Something was wrong. Something neither of them was going to tell him about.

* * *

><p>Up in Kaidan's cabin, Kaya sat down uneasily on the couch. She now knew most of what Kaidan was going to say, but her habit of cutting out the pleasantries of verbal conversation typically only applied to Jeff. And, besides, she wanted to see if the Major had the guts to say it to her face.<p>

Kaidan paced in front of the aquarium. Kaya had never actually been up in the penthouse suite of the Normandy, and she would have laughed at the absurdity of putting an aquarium on a damn warship if the situation were different. As it was, the reason for her staring at a few lazily floating jellyfish was quite serious.

"Do we actually need to have this conversation?" he said, stopping in front of her and rubbing his temples.

"You wanna lock me a cargo hold, I need you to tell me why," Kaya said, finding herself laughing bitterly. "I need you to say it to my face. Say that you don't trust me. Say that you've known about this for _weeks _and just decided to bring it up now."

"Kaya–"

"Cut the bullshit, Kaidan," she said, curling her knees into her chest.

There was an angry lump in her throat that was threatening to bring tears. _How _could she have not realized sooner? And why didn't he say something before? And now – if it was true – how did she live with herself? She had illegally boarded the Normandy and put _everyone _at risk. These people were her family, the only friends she had, and her very presence put them in mortal danger.

"I realized it back on Omega, when we extracted Malik," Kaidan explained, resuming his pacing as he ran a hand through his hair. "Actually, Van Dyne realized it. The bodies of the scientists, killed before we got there. The fact that whoever had taken them out didn't take you. The fact that your biotic implants are clearly more than just that. The scans they took at Huerta – I mean, they gave you a graybox. So – so. Damn. I can't even–"

"Say the words 'control chip?'" Kaya finished for him, frustrated by how her voice broke. "Say that this could all be a trap, to get me in range of a crazy mind control device? God damn, how do I avoid telling Jeff about this?"

"That's what you're worried–"

"He. Will. Freak. Out," Kaya said, balling her hands into fists. "And then he'll set to blaming himself for helping me get – oh no, you don't. You are _not _blaming him for any part of this."

"I wasn't–"

"Yes, you were. I heard you!" she accused, raising her voice. It felt good to be angry at him instead of herself. "And, yeah, I'm not supposed to call people out on their errant thoughts. But you _meant _that one."

Kaidan sat down on the bed across from her, taking a deep breath. "I left you in L.A. on purpose, Kaya. I should have – why didn't I kick you off the ship? If I had been thinking clearly–"

"It doesn't matter," Kaya said. She might want to rage at him. Smack him upside the head for being such a fucking idiot, even. But, she was not actually going to let Kaidan blame himself for _her _fuck up. Hell, neither of them should be blaming themselves. This was all on Blacklight. Bastards. "What matters is whether or not you have a plan to keep me from going all trigger-happy on my own crewmates."

Kaidan reached into his pocket and pulled out a device. She realized it was one of the psychic dampeners that Sanders had swiped from the Alliance. "You get locked in the port cargo hold. I'll put two marines on guard duty. They'll have this."

"So if something happens, I can't make everyone shoot themselves in the head."

"I was thinking about you getting them to open the door, but yeah. That's the gist of it."

Kaya nodded. It was hardly a foolproof plan. Kaya had a feeling that, if she really wanted to get out and murder everyone, she would find a way. She was stubborn like that. But, it was the best they could do on such short notice. If he had only told her – no. There was no point in blaming him now. Maybe she would tear him a new one later, when the threat was behind them.

"Okay. Come down and lock me in, and then go suit up," she said. She unbent her legs and looked at him for a moment, debating. She stood up slowly, and Kaidan matched her. He looked ready to help her keep standing, and she preyed on his vulnerability to pull him into an abrupt hug. "And you had better come back, after kicking some major Blacklight ass, you hear?"

He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly enough that it hurt. Kaya did not care.


	30. Groundside

"Major, you want to enlighten me about why Kaya has suddenly locked herself in our cabin?" Joker said over Kaidan's private comm channel. There was an accusatory edge to his voice.

"Keep on mission," Kaidan said shortly. He felt a pang of guilt for leaving Joker in the dark on this one, but Kaya was right. He would freak out. And, hell, Kaidan was right, too. This was partially Joker's fault, whether Kaya wanted to admit it or not. "Okay, we're approaching the first drop point. Malik, Jack, and Vega. See you on the other side."

Cortez dropped Samara, Grunt, and Tali at the next check point. The once very crowded shuttle suddenly felt too empty as Kaidan looked between Van Dyne, Kasumi and Liara. Both teams radioed in that there was nothing to see but an empty garden world with a whole lot of rubble.

"Scratch that," Malik said. Kaidan could hear a note of distress in her voice as she tried to stay professional. "Oh my god, I don't think the Alliance ever sent a clean up crew in."

Clean up crew. It was one of the worst euphemisms Kaidan had ever heard. After the war, there were three things that needed addressing. The first was rebuilding the mass relays, and the Alliance and her allies finished up with the Sol relay inside a year. Sure, there was almost war in between, with dextro-rotation food supplies running short and a whole lot of non-humans anxious to get back to their own worlds. But, they got it done. Same with rebuilding the actual cities. A lot of that work was not done yet, even on Earth, but there was something methodical and simple in putting buildings back together.

It was the _clean up _that was the worst. It was all the corpses – husks, decaying bodies, and burnt skeletons – that haunted Kaidan's nightmares. After they made it back to Earth and found Shepard alive, helping with the repair efforts in London, Kaidan had gone to Vancouver to help rebuild there. And, even though they returned to the Sol system almost a year after the war's end, there were still so many skeletons just _left _there. In the streets of suburbs and in forgotten apartment buildings. Sometimes the clues to who they were remained scattered too clearly on the ground. A datapad. A book. A teddy bear. The children were the worst.

So, when Pari Malik said that no one had sent a clean up crew to Amaterasu, Kaidan knew exactly what kind of horrors she was seeing. He thought painfully of Ash. Her family had gotten out. Kaidan had checked up on them during the war, out of some messed up combination of guilt and camaraderie. But this was still their home. And now it was littered, six years later, with the skeletons of friends and neighbors.

"When all of this is over, we'll get a team sent in," Kaidan said. "You okay, Pari?"

"I'd like to say I've seen worse, Major," she said over the comm. There was a hesitation before she continued, "But I was trained not to lie to my commanding officer. Holy shit. Somehow, this is way worse that seeing a bunch of recent dead bodies."

"That's because the bodies you're used to belonged to mercs. Who were trying to kill you," Van Dyne said. Kaidan noted that the young psychic had tensed up considerably. There was _definitely _something going on between him and Malik.

"Let's just focus on getting to the base," Kaidan heard James say.

"You know," Kaya's voice came in over his private channel, "I've never really seen this side of things. But, I'm watching on Malik's helmet cam now. It's – when I was in college, there was a genocide in an African nation that doesn't even exist anymore. And the images they showed – the ones too graphic for the news that I forced myself to watch online – they didn't even compare to this level of devastation. I – shit, Kaidan, I knew the whole thing with the Reapers was fucked up, but this–"

"You never saw the suburbs of Vancouver after the war, in my head? Or San Diego in James's? London in Shepard's?" Everyone else in the shuttle looked up in surprise as Kaidan spoke. It was obvious who he was talking to, but they were clearly curious as to why he and Kaya were using the private channel.

"No," Kaya said, and Kaidan thought it sounded like she was about to cry. "I don't – I don't see _everything_ you guys have ever seen. Just what you actively think about around me. All of you must have blocked this out so completely. Oh man, there are going to be some bad PTSD-fueled nightmares after this. I mean this – I can see thousands of skeletons. Piles of them. It must have been horrible."

"It's over," Kaidan said. He was not sure what else could be said. "Now we need to focus on the mission at hand. On lesser evils."

"Given everything that's going on, that's not really helpful," she said.

Cortez called out that they were reaching the last drop zone. "We'll put them to rest," Kaidan told her. "After we take out these bastards. I promise."

* * *

><p>"Team Mako, what's your status?"<p>

"We've reached the perimeter," James answered. "Waiting on your orders, Major. By the way, Mako and Hammerhead again? Really? We need some more original team names."

"Nah. Stick with the classics," Kaidan said. The names had been Shepard's idea, back when they were fighting CAT6 and an evil clone. Then, they had kind of become a joke among the rest of the crew, an homage to Shepard's _excellent _driving abilities. Kaidan enjoyed pulling them out from time to time. It made everything seem a little less dire.

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Kaya chimed in. Her mood seemed to have lifted considerably over the past half hour, judging by her tone. Kaidan guessed she was no longer looking at the camera footage coming in from the surface. They were still climbing over the skeletons of dead colonists.

"Oh man, we need to get you behind the wheel of a Hammerhead," James said. "If you can handle that thing like you handled the skycar in Singapore–"

"What are you talking about, Vega?" Kaidan said, as the high walls of the base came into view over the crest of the hill they were climbing. When there was silence at the other end of the line, Kaidan persisted. "Spill, Lieutenant Commander. And that's an order."

"So, remember that one mission Kaya and I had? The one where we took down that red sand manufacturer? And we got separated? We may have left some details out of the mission report," James said sheepishly.

"Like?"

"Like Kaya hijacking a police skycar and chasing our perp down. Man, you should have seen her, Major. Joker, you should really watch your back. Your girlfriend knows how to fly."

"Oh, I saw," Joker called out over the comm. "It was pretty hot."

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Kaya called out. Kaidan found himself relieved by the joking tone in her voice. The banter surely helped her deal with being locked in the cargo hold. "I _crashed _the cab. It went up in a damn fireball."

"What?" Kaiden yelped.

Kaya, James, and Joker's laughter filled his comm line. "Just kidding, Major," Kaya said. "I mean, I did ding it up pretty bad. That's _kind of _why it was left out of the report. But, the one thing I was actually good at in super secret agent training was driving. And, hell, I can handle a skycar _and _something with its wheels on the road. I can handle a vehicle without inertial dampeners. Didn't have those back in my day. I mean, kids these days and their privilege."

Joker was laughing heartily now. Kaidan supposed it was good to hear the two of them messing around, even if it was at his expense. He had learned from Shepard that a little banter during a mission helped keep everyone from overthinking and making stupid mistakes. But, they had just reached the outer wall, and it was time for a dose of serious.

"Okay, well, we'll talk about how absolutely illegal it is to falsify mission reports later," Kaidan said. Kaya muttered something about already being fired anyway. "We're in position. Hammerhead?"

"Ready when you are," Samara said.

"Okay, move into the compound. Keep your guard up."

* * *

><p>Kaya was going insane. The little bit of joking about the Singapore mission helped, but she was still sitting on top of a cargo crate locked in what passed for the Normandy's makeshift brig. She had access to the audio and video feeds from the ground, but Kaya wanted to be down there with them. She had not spent years training with the CIA and months under the guidance of the goddamn Guardians of the Galaxy to just sit out what could very well be the finale of her sad tale.<p>

And then, there was _why _she was in the Normandy's portside cargo hold in the first place. There was the fact that she had been shot twelve times. And then there was the fact that she might be a sleeper agent for a rogue faction of the Alliance that wanted to create an army of psychic super-soldiers. Controlling another army. With their minds.

And Kaya Cole could not rant to her boyfriend about most of it.

Kaya turned back on the video feed, hoping that the body count inside the base would be lower. She was hardly the squeamish sort – anatomy lab in medical school had snuffed that out – but the scenes from the ground were rough. Kaya found herself imaging all of the horrendous things that must have happened on the dying planet. _Millions _of people had lived there. She had made the mistake of looking it up.

"So, are you going to tell me why you're in our cabin, yet?" Jeff said over the comm, as Kaya watched from Kaidan's vantage point. The compound looked completely empty, and she found herself wondering if this mission would be a dead end.

"After talking with Alenko, I needed to cool down," Kaya lied, hoping that the edge in her voice came off as annoyed instead of scared. "I needed to throw some pillows and shit. And, my back is killing me. I'm just lying down."

"Do I need to–"

"I'm already on a hell of a lot of hydromorphone," Kaya said. "You don't need to call Karin. It just turns out that, even with all the miracles of modern medicine, having your spine severed by hot lead hurts like a bitch."

There was silence on the other end of her private channel. She watched the three teams moving methodically through the compound, finding nothing but a few skeletons in Alliance fatigues. Kaya felt a little guilty for being so flippant. She knew her jokes had to make Jeff uncomfortable. But, it was a lot easier to joke about the parts she survived than think about the damn control chip possibly implanted in her brain.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. For being a bitch. For lying. For everything.

"You don't need to apologize to me," he said. "By the way, is it just me, or does this feel like a trap? Based on my copious amount of experience, too much quiet usually equals trap."

_Son of a bitch. Don't say that, love._

"Could just be that we overreacted to the intel. Maybe it all is in fact a coincidence. That would be nice," Kaya said instead.

"Yeah, and maybe you're _not_ totally getting put on mandatory leave when this mission is over," Jeff said.

"Hey, we're going on vacation, remember? I'm making you take me to the top of the Eifel Tower or some other romantic bullshit," Kaya said, seeing something strange on the video feed. She zoomed in on her Omni-tool. "Oh, shit. Kaidan, you've got company."

* * *

><p>Kaidan saw the mercenaries a second before Kaya's voice came over the comm. His team dove for cover as Samara and Vega both radioed in about movement at their locations.<p>

"Okay, assholes, looks like we found the right place," Jack said over the sound of gunfire.

Kaidan looked out from behind cover. Whoever they were, their adversaries were wearing Alliance-issued gear. But, it was not standard operating protocol for Alliance soldiers to fire without warning. Especially not when some of their opponents were wearing military gear themselves.

"Heavy mech!" Grunt called out.

Kaidan saw one arrive at their position, too. Whoever was holed up here was apparently expecting them. In fact, whoever it was had very accurately predicted how Kaidan would deploy his troops. Admiral Thomas, then. Kaidan should have planned for this. He should have tried to switch things up, beyond standard Alliance tactics. Shit.

"Focus your fire on the mech!" he called out to his squad, firing up his biotics. He launched a warp attack and fired a clip into the YMIR. "Vega, what's your status?"

"No heavies here, Major. Just a whole lot of inexperienced assholes playing soldier," Vega responded. "Aw yeah! Nice one, Inky!"

"What the hell did you call me?" Jack called out.

Kaidan would have laughed at James's _cahones _if the mech had not just fired a missile in their direction, taking down his shields. He heard Liara cry out and turned his head fast enough to give himself whiplash. It had been a while since she had been out in the field, and Kaidan found himself regretting bringing her along. Until she detonated a singularity, taking out three marks at once.

"Nice!" Kasumi called out in admiration. She had cloaked herself and moved up the field, taking out a couple of guys with some impressive acrobatics and an old-fashioned Omni-powered melee attack.

Kaidan found himself smiling. This was Shepard's old squad at full capacity. If the Reapers could not take them down, a rogue Admiral didn't stand a chance.

"Watch your six, Kasumi!" Kaya called out over the comm link, beating Kaidan to the punch. She must have turned back on the video feed. Kasumi turned around and dodged some poorly-aimed assault rifle fire from an isolated mark in N7 gear. Best not tell James about that one.

Liara launched a singularity toward the N7, and Kaidan used throw to detonate the field. Kasumi called out her thanks, and Kaidan yelled at his squad to pay attention to the heavy mech. It's shields were finally down, but it was still packing some heavy ammunition.

"So, Inky, huh? Mind if I use that, James?" Kaya said over the comm. "Grunt, behind you!"

"That depends," Jack called out. "Do you want to end up in a coma again?"

"Could you stop threatening each other and focus on taking down these assholes?" Kaidan called out, reloading a clip as another missile sailed past.

"Roger that, Major," Kaya said. "Hammerhead's taken down their mech, and Mako's moving into the compound. Come on, now, there are four of you. What's taking so long?"

"Seriously, Major," Joker said.

"Aren't you two in enough trouble already?" Kaidan called back. "Pretty sure making fun of your commanding officer is against a few regulations."

"If that was true, Shepard would have had me discharged years ago," Joker said. "Oh man, nice shot, Liara!"

Her warp field staggered the mech, and Van Dyne took it down with a grenade. They finished off the mercenaries left in their sector in short order, leaving an empty silence that made Kaidan's ears ring.

"Divide and conquer," Kaya said smugly. "You're all clear, Major."

There was something reassuring about hearing her on the other end. He had left Kaya looking pretty messed up in that cargo hold, but she seemed to have sucked it up for the sake of the mission. For all her instability, Kaya was pretty good at compartmentalizing and focusing on the task at hand. She was also apparently pretty good at running the show from a few miles up. She had kept a good eye on everyone's feeds, doing an even better job than Joker. Kaidan would have to remember that for next time, provided he did not _actually _fire them both.

"All right, everyone move in. Keep your guard up," Kaidan said, moving into the compound. Well, calling it a compound or a base was a little misleading. It was the old seat of government on Amaterasu, and the Alliance had retrofitted it with fortifications after the Collectors started abducting nearby colonies six years ago. They had built high walls around the surrounding campus of office buildings, but inside those walls the main structure was a prime example of vulnerable. There were plenty of smaller buildings and side streets to take cover behind for an invading force, and the capitol's front façade consisted of giant windows.

The three teams converged on their arranged point, in an abandoned security building close to the Capitol. Kaidan found himself a bit disconcerted by how empty the compound was. That _couldn't _have been even the majority of the rogue forces, but there was no reason for them to hole up inside the Capitol Building, either. It was too difficult to defend. Something was wrong.

"Tali, are you getting any readings? Any life signs?" Kaidan asked, turning to the quarian as she messed with her Omni-tool. She shook her head just a fraction of an inch in both directions, caught up in the data streams. Then, her entire body tensed up. "Keelah–"

The explosion ripped through the building like it was wet tissue paper.


	31. Tinnitus

"God damn it, somebody answer us!" Joker was calling out over the comm. If Kaidan thought his ears were ringing before, he had been sorely mistaken. The sound was almost deafening, and Joker's voice sounded very far away through it.

"I'm here!" Kaidan yelled, sitting up and looking around. The security building had been reduced to rubble, and Kaidan could see a team of mercenaries pouring out of the Capitol ahead.

Son of a bitch. Thomas had predicted _exactly _where Kaidan would direct his team to meet up. Why hadn't he predicted that? Shepard wouldn't have made such a rookie mistake. He had put his whole team at risk–

"Liara!" Kaidan called out, beginning to frantically look around. "Li! Where are you!"

"I'm here!" she said, using her biotics to lift a piece of concrete rubble off herself. He ran over to help her up.

"Roll call, now!" Kaidan said, as Liara helped lift a table off Kasumi.

One by one, the squad checked in. For the most part, the explosion had just taken out their shields and banged up their armor. Kasumi had a mean-looking gash in the side of her leg, and Tali was patching up a suit rupture. He wanted to send them both back to the Normandy, but there wasn't a safe landing zone for the Kodiak with another damn army pouring out ahead of them. At least everyone was still alive and able to stand.

Kaidan heard Kaya release a held-in breath on the other end of the line. "Hate to be a downer here, but you've got another heavy mech and a whole lot of other assholes heading your way."

"Roger," Kaidan called, moving into cover behind an overturned metal desk. "Everyone get ready! Somebody help patch up Kasumi! Tali, how's that suit coming?"

"It'll have to do," Tali said, crouching down next to him as she finished a hasty repair. "I'm sorry. I should have started that scan earlier."

"No, I shouldn't have made a beeline for the most heavily fortified building in this place," Kaidan said. He grimaced at the sizable force coming their way. "Hey, Joker, do any of your scans of this place indicate anti-aircraft guns?"

There was a pause at the other end, as Joker probably rechecked everything. "You're clear, Major."

"Cortez? Light 'em up."

"Roger that, Major. ETA two minutes."

"Kaidan, I'm sending the squad some maps," Kaya called out, as a navigation point lit up on Kaidan's UI. "If you split your team in two and start moving _now, _you should be able to move through cover and flank these sons of bitches. I've already sent the split nav points to each team."

Joker let out a low whistle of approval as Kaidan said, "Nice work. Who's going where?"

At some point, when Kaidan was too busy focusing on combat training, Kaya had apparently been learning battle tactics from somebody. Shepard, maybe, based on the elegance of her mapped out paths. He found himself impressed by her quick grasp of how to balance out the squads. He split off to the left with Liara, Kasumi, Van Dyne, and Grunt.

Kaya must have made the same impression on Vega, because he said, "You know, maybe we should take you out of the field, Blue. You can't throw a punch for shit, but this is actually a good plan."

"Shut up, asshole," Kaya said, a hint of a laugh in her voice. "And I did go to a special high school for geniuses, remember? I mean, it was a special school for crazy geniuses, but still. It had to pay off at some point."

Kaidan's navigation point updated as they hit a checkpoint, and the squad moved into the next building. Kaya came back in over the comm, "By the way, I get to name the teams this time around. Kaidan's got Zakera and James gets Paris."

Kaidan, James and Joker all tried to muffle their laughter. Liara raised an eyebrow at Kaidan as they looked out of cover to make sure the path ahead was clear. He shook his head, mouthing "later." That mission in Zakera Ward on the Citadel was not something he needed the whole squad to hear about. Kaidan was not sure he had _ever _gotten that drunk in his life. Not that it was his fault. That bartender had spiked his drink with freaking Ryncol. They had been lucky to make it out of there alive. Come to think of it, Liara might not need to know all the details, either.

"You sure those are best squad names?" Kaidan called out. "I mean, James got shot–"

"In Paris," Vega finished for him. "You have a sick sense of humor, Blue."

Kaya giggled before her voice turned abruptly serious, "Yeah, well, let it serve as reminder to _watch your six,_ James."

"Major, I've got you in my sights," Cortez called out. "Whenever you're ready."

"Hold off until we're in position. Thirty seconds, Cortez."

Their opponents must have spotted the Kodiak, because the sound on nearby gunfire was soon mixing with the ringing in Kaidan's ears. Kaya's voice added to the din with a hint of dry humor, "Paris is in position. Move your ass, Zakera."

Kaidan's squad made it through the last office building, stepping over the skeletons of both humans and Reaper troops, and piled into cover at the point Kaya had indicated. They had good lines of sight, and the enemy was just moving into view. _Nice work, Kaya. _"Okay, we're in position. Open fire! Focus on the mech!"

Once again, Kaidan was impressed by the efficiency with which the team brought down a whole battalion. It reminded him of the Citadel Archives, all these different worlds previously only connected by Shepard colliding in a dance of bullets and well-executed melee attacks. With a start, Kaidan realized it was _his _turn to command the squad. And he was succeeding.

"Any of you want a job on the Normandy after this, it's yours," Kaidan said.

"Don't take the bait," Kaya called out. She was trying to sound light, but there was a nervous edge to her voice. Had it been there the whole time she was bantering with them before? "He's a real hard ass to work under."

"_Was _a real hard ass to work under, more like," Kaidan muttered over the private channel, only half-serious. Kaya muttered something back he could not quite make out, except for a few choice curse words. "Yeah, well, stay on your A-game like this and I _might_ take you back, Cole."

"Psh. This isn't even my A-game," she quipped. "No biotics. No psychic powers. Just raw, unadulterated intelligence. Give me a sniper rifle next time. _Then _you'll be impressed. I've been working with Garrus every shore leave we've had on the Citadel."

Kaidan looked out over cover, raising an eyebrow. He had assumed she spent all of her shore leave screwing around with Joker. For all her drive during the few biotic training sessions he had helped Jack with, Kaya never struck Kaidan as particularly dedicated to the mission. And, hell, it was practically indentured servitude. She could serve aboard the Normandy or wind up in an Alliance outfit somewhere with a bunch of assholes she didn't even know, being ordered to do _god knows what_ with her powers. Or she could take her chances and hope Blacklight stayed away. He could hardly blame her for being unfocused from time to time.

"You're all clear," Joker said. "The Kodiak's picking up another force inside the Capitol on its scanners, but no more heavy mechs."

"Right. Move in. Stay to cover and pay attention, people."

They made their way slowly up to the courtyard in front of the Capitol. Both teams converged right before reaching the wide open space. It loomed in front of them, offering no reprieve if the troops inside decided to open fire. But, the park surrounded the main building on all sides.

"I don't suppose there's another way in," Kaidan said over the comm.

"Already looked, Major," Joker said. "Not so much as a parking garage. Sorry."

"Right. Cortez, we need cover fire."

"On it." Steve brought the Kodiak back around and began firing at the Capitol building. The sound of shattering windows was deafening, almost loud enough to drown out the ringing in Kaidan's ears. Kaidan motioned the team forward forcefully, and they were off sprinting in a neat line. A few shots went by Kaidan's ear, but their air support was doing a damn fine job of keeping the other side distracted. He heard Liara cry out and snapped his head up in panic. Her left arm was flapping limply at her side, while her right continued shooting ahead. _That's my girl._

They reached the stairs right in front of the building's entrance, where a concrete railing provided some cover. Kaidan moved over to Liara to assess the damage, but she shooed him away as Samara applied Medi-gel. He tried to think of her as just another member of the team, totally capable of handling a stray bullet, but it was impossible. What had he once told Kaya? Something about respecting loved ones and their choices, even when it put them in harms way? It was a lot harder to do while staring at a bullet wound in your girlfriend's bicep.

"Relax, I'm monitoring her vitals," Kaya said quietly over his private channel. "Tali and Kasumi, too. I'll bitch at them until they fall back if things get too serious."

"You're making it really hard to be angry with you, Kaya," Kaidan said.

Joker laughed. "Welcome to my life." So, not just their private channel, then. How long had she been doing that?

"Can't say I envy you," Kaidan said. He shot a worried look over at Liara, remembering for a moment that he was dating the damn Shadow Broker. It was apples and oranges maybe, but he had chosen somebody just as stubborn and ridiculous as Joker had. Yet, for all Liara's strength, there was still a nagging voice in the back of Kaidan's mind. _Why _hadn't he asked her to stay on the Normandy?

"Okay, melee team, move in on my signal. Tali, get your drone ready. We'll provide some cover fire. Three, two, one. Mark."

Vega, Grunt and Kasumi charged ahead behind the drone as the rest of the team looked out from over the low wall, weapons drawn. The combat drone flew through one of the broken windows and drew the fire of some opponents inside, just as a few more tried to use a rocket launcher to take down the Kodiak. Steve was too quick for them. He dodged out of the way, and there was a distant explosion as Kaidan turned back to the Capitol Building. Malik took down one of the idiots sticking out from behind cover with a headshot, just as Vega and Grunt fired their shotguns in sync.

When the way was clear, they moved forward into the Capitol Building itself. It may have been horribly indefensible from a tactical perspective, but Kaidan could see how the government tower had once been some gleaming example of progress and coming together and other forgotten ideals. He imagined the stone floor had once been polished, and the sculpted planters along the walls were once overflowing with ivy or flowers. There was an abstract metal sculpture, almost ten stories high, in the open main chamber ahead.

Tali ran a scan for life signs, and Cortez confirmed with the Kodiak's equipment that they had taken out most of Blacklight's force. And there was no question it was Blacklight, now. Half of the fresh corpses they climbed over were wearing Alliance-issued armor, but the other half were mercenaries or Cerberus. The sight of the former still made Kaidan wince under his helmet. Even if he was a Spectre, Kaidan bled Alliance blue. What the hell had happened to make these guys turn on their own? Or, worse, had they died thinking they were fighting for the Alliance? Hell, would _he _have questioned the orders of an admiral?

"You questioned the damn human Councilor," Kaya said quietly in his ear. "You _shot _him."

"How–"

"Lucky guess. Points to me. Spend enough time in someone's head, and you don't need to actually be in range to know what they're thinking. Your vitals just spiked, though. You okay?"

"Okay, somehow that's more disturbing than when you _actually _read my mind."

Kaya let out a low, short chuckle. "You're just worried that you're too transparent. Don't worry, most of the crew has you all wrong."

"Nice. Thanks, Kaya."

She giggled again, and Kaidan shook his head before motioning the team forward. There were two hallways running on either side of the open foyer that provided better cover. The team split into the two squads that had charged on either side of the compound without so much as a word from Kaidan. _Seriously, if any of you guys want a job when this is done. _There were twelve more life signs left in the building, holed up in an office on the eighth floor.

"I've got Thomas in my sights," Malik reported. Kaidan saw her across the way as they reached an opening, her rifle pointed at where the office had a window onto the entry hall. "We've got a staircase right here. You?"

Kaidan was sorely tempted to just use a missile launcher to take him out and be done. But, they were doing this _right _this time. If there was another, even shadier asshole in the wings, Kaidan wanted to know about it.

"Got it. Head up. Keep sharp. And remember we need this son of a bitch alive."

They made their way up the stairs with Grunt in the lead. Their footfall echoed up the narrow walkway, and Kaidan for the first time realized that his hearing had not come back fully after the explosion. The sound of krogan boots on metal steps should have been deafening, but everything seemed a little muffled, as if Kaidan had stuck his head underwater.

Two soldiers appeared above them, raining lead down. The team pressed to the wall as Grunt charged up the last two flights of stairs with surprising speed and took them out. Vega called out that his team had taken down a couple scouts, as well. The two teams met on either side of the barricaded door that stood between them and the target. Kaidan nodded at Grunt, and the krogan charged. The sound of shattering wood and scraping metal rent the air, and Kaidan saw two bodies left in the krogan's wake. They must have been taking cover near the door.

Five left, not including Thomas.

There was only a receptionist's desk on the left, and a quick check revealed nothing there. The conference room on the right was totally empty, too. There was only a narrow hallway past that door. Kaidan motioned to Tali, who sent a combat drone around the corner. He heard a few shots and someone – Thomas, if Kaidan's memory was in working order – shouted "you idiot boy!" down the hall. Hiding From People with Guns 101: don't shoot at a combat drone and give away your position.

He motioned to Grunt, and the krogan charged again toward the office at the end of the hall, his primal roar mixing with the sound of gunfire. Vega and Jack followed shortly after, and the rest of the crew made their way forward, their formation restricted by the narrow hall. When they reached the corner office, it was far from a fair fight. Jack threw the last man in Cerberus armor out an already broken window. Admiral Thomas was the only one left standing, blood running down his fingers and onto the otherwise pristine white carpet. He backed against a stainless steel cabinet, and Kaidan felt his entire body pulsing with rage and biotic energy.

He slammed forward, knocking Thomas back into the cabinet with a sickening crack of skull on metal, and shoved his assault rifle against Thomas's temple. It would feel so _good _to just pull the trigger and put the bastard out of his misery. Kaidan must have held Thomas there for longer than he realized, because he was suddenly interrupted.

"Kaidan." Liara's hand was on Kaidan's shoulder, but it was Kaya's voice speaking calmly in his ear. His finger twitched on the trigger, seriously considering ignoring the warning in her tone. "You need the son of a bitch alive, remember?"

_Damn it. _

He pulled his gun back and whacked Thomas across the temple with his rifle. The admiral dropped like a stone to the floor. Kaidan heard a sharp intake of air from Liara, and he pointedly continued looking at Thomas. He did not think he could meet whatever concern was likely in her eyes. Nearly smashing Thomas's skull in – twice – had felt damn good. But, that was not a feeling Kaidan should indulge. He knew better.

"Get him to the shuttle. Cortez, find an LZ," he said roughly. Then Kaidan took a deep breath, focused on the brushed metal of the cabinet ahead of him, and softened his tone. "Good work everyone. Samara and Jack, take Thomas. Lock him in the port–" _Shit. Already taken. The Normandy really needed a brig. _"Lock him in the _starboard _cargo hold. Make sure he stays there. Apply some Medi-gel, too. Wouldn't want the bastard bleeding out on us. Liara, Tali, and Kasumi: get back to the Normandy and report into Chakwas. Everyone else, search the area. Let's find out exactly what they were doing down here."

"Hey, Major, you do realize we now have no way of asking where the hell Rivers is, right?" Kaya's voice was harsh on the other end of the line. _God. Damn. It._

Liara put a hand on Kaidan's shoulder, and he realized he still had a biotic field up. He released it, suddenly feeling exhausted and ravenous. She knowingly passed a ration bar to him, and he nodded in thanks. There was indeed a hell of a lot of worry in her eyes, but she was wearing a slight smile, too. They had done it. They had actually taken out the man who, at least according to their intelligence, was the ringleader of this whole fucked up operation. Maybe the Indigo kids and Kaya could actually take a damn breath now.

"Sit down," Liara implored. "Just for a bit."

Kaidan acquiesced, finding the chair behind the desk almost disturbingly comfortable, given the horrors of their surroundings. He considered calling up to the marines on the engineering deck and telling them to let out Kaya. But, a little voice at the back of his mind reminded him that Rivers was still unaccounted for. It did not appear she was planetside, but it would not hurt to keep Kaya contained until they were out of the reach of any transmitters.


	32. Red

Kaya was curled into a ball atop a cargo crate, tracking the action down below on her Omni-tool. The rest of the admiral's forces were taken down so quickly Kaya missed some of it trying to switch between vid feeds. Then there was just Thomas, backing against the wall like a scared child. Kaya sighed in relief a moment too soon, as Kaidan charged forward – raging with biotic energy – and slammed the admiral into a metal cabinet. She was following Liara's camera as the asari ran forward. Kaidan brought his rifle up to Thomas's head and held it there, his entire body vibrating.

"Kaidan," she said quietly over the private line. This wasn't him. He would never forgive himself for doing something so stupid. So coldhearted. When he didn't respond right away, she considered the _entering his mind from space _thing that had accidentally happened with Shepard in London. Kaya decided to try more words, first. "You need the son of a bitch alive, remember?"

Kaya's eyebrows flew up as Kaidan used his assault rifle to knock the admiral out. _Holy shit. Well, at least the fucker's still breathing. I think._

"Right. I think we may need to stage an intervention for Alenko and Shepard," Jeff said over her private line. "I mean, what the shit?"

"It's just a _little _out of character," Kaya agreed quietly, remembering back to Shepard in a C-Sec interrogation room.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I would have shot the bastard–"

"Jeff," Kaya warned. "You don't mean that. You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man."

"Don't sound so sure," he muttered sourly. "This unarmed man did have you kidnapped and tortured."

They did not actually know _who _Marcus had been getting his orders from. It sounded like there had been splintering even within Blacklight, with Binary Helix bankrolling their own rogue operation within a rogue operation. And then hiring fucking Brooks and ex-Cerberus troops to do their dirty work. But, Kaya kept silent. Hell, she could stage an intervention for fucking everyone later, when they had a little time to process things.

She did take the opportunity to scold Kaidan. "Hey, Major, you do realize we now have no way of asking where the hell Rivers is, right?"

Kaidan groaned at the other end of the line, and Kaya was tempted to roll her eyes. _Yeah. Idiot. _Kaidan was usually the epitome of control, the one she could count on to reel both her and James back in on certain missions. Particularly the ones that involved interrogation. Kaya had to admit that seeing him lose control like this scared her a little. Paired with Jeff's assertion that he would have murdered someone in cold blood, she felt damn uneasy. This mission was never _not _going to be personal, but there was a problem when _she _was the voice of reason. Then again, Kaya supposed she would be a hell of a lot less clearheaded if she was on the ground.

She tried to take a breath and just appreciate the fact that – save the one loose end of a murderous, mind-controlling psychopath – it was over. Samara had lifted up Thomas's unconscious body, and they were heading back down the stairs as Cortez landed the Kodiak. She had a hard time believing this whole ordeal had taken a couple weeks – just a few days, to her – because it felt like a _lifetime _since they had been welcoming Ash and Andy into the fold. It would be nice to return to that life for a while. Hang out with Shepard and Garrus, maybe give them some time off, before heading out on the whirlwind vacation Kaya _may _have planned in a manic state.

Suddenly, Kaya was jolted from this reverie by the sound of gunfire being exchanged outside the door. She vaulted off the cargo container and instantly regretted it. Her legs collapsed under her as her stomach screamed in protest. Kaya tumbled onto the floor as the door hissed, and she opened her eyes to see a flash of red above her. As the pain subsided and her tunnel vision returned to normal, her stomach dropped. Anna Rivers was standing above her, gun pointed squarely at her head.

"I see you've learned how to block. Aren't you a clever girl?"

Through pain and panic, the words were confusing at first. Then, Kaya realized. The psychic dampener. It was still powered up, for all the good that would do with a loaded gun at her head.

"You don't have to do this," Kaya said through gritted teeth, afraid to move off the floor.

Anna laughed. It was manic and not entirely unfamiliar. "Is the great Kaya Cole pleading for her life?"

"Jeff!" Kaya called out, her voice strangled and desperate. "Kaidan!"

Anna kicked her in the stomach. Hard. Kaya cried out in pain and grabbed at where Anna's boot had torn open one of her almost-healed wounds. It left no visible mark on her black sweatshirt, but Kaya could feel the blood beginning to soak through.

The redhead held up a small device of her own. "Short range communication block. How the hell did you think I got this far without alerting someone? I may not be the _great _Dr. Cole, but I passed Infiltration 101."

"Why?" Kaya grunted, trying to put pressure on the wound.

Anna stepped on Kaya's hand, sending spikes of pain shooting through her stomach. She cried out again and found that tears were starting to fall down her face.

"Why?" Anna repeated with a sneer. "Because they have me, and yet they still keep trying to come after you. You're their perfect little prodigy. The original. And I will never be as good in their eyes."

_What the shit._

Kaya's anger overtook her fear for a moment. "You're doing this out of some fucked up sibling rivalry? Are you serious?"

"I'm doing this," Anna said, pressing down harder and sending a new wave of pain _everywhere_, "to prove that they don't need you. And look at you. One open wound and you're on the floor crying. I don't know what they see in you."

"Please," Kaya said, her voice shaking. "We can help you. We can protect you from them."

"Help me? Help me? Bitch, you don't know the first thing about me. You have no idea what they did–"

"They tortured me, too," Kaya said. She knew her chances were slim, but she had to play this angle.

"For a day."

"Fair enough. But I still remember. And I can't – I can't imagine what years of it must have been like. But, I know someone who can. A friend. Cerberus took her just like Blacklight took you. Told her parents she was dead. Tortured her. Drugged her. Trained her to fight. Turned into the most powerful fucking biotic in the galaxy. Really fucked her up. But – she turned her life around. Fuck, she helped save the damn galaxy a couple times. You don't have to work for those assholes. We can help you."

Anna stepped off of her. For a moment, Kaya thought her little monologue had actually worked. Anna was pulling up her Omni-tool.

"I _don't_ work for those assholes anymore. They didn't send me here," she said. "I'll have to thank your friends later for taking out the admiral. No, I'm not here on business. This is personal."

Suddenly, Kaya _felt _something in her head. It was almost impossible to describe, but she knew exactly what was happening. It was like another person had inhabited her mind, trying to shove the real Kaya out a back door. The pain and fear were gone. There was just emptiness, and a whisper.

_Kill._

"Get up," Anna said, extending a hand. "I'm going to enjoy this."

* * *

><p>Joker had put his feet up on the console as he waited for the ground team to sweep the base. He let out a little laugh. It was over. It was <em>actually <em>over this time. No more crazy rogue Alliance factions or Cerberus-backed cells. No more running. Kaya could actually be safe, now. He had helped protect her. He had kept his promise.

_"Don't make promises you can't keep," she said._

_"Don't say that," he shot back, hurt. _

_She had just woken up screaming from another nightmare, this time about Omega. Somehow the ones when the nightmares were her own were the worst. No, they were the second worst. The worst was when _he _gave her the nightmares. When her time watching Shepard get spaced or Collectors board the Normandy was because of him._

_"We're going to end this," Joker said defiantly. "And you're damn right I'm going to promise that."_

Damn right. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the arm of his chair. Would they just hurry up, already? Joker was anxious to join Kaya, and he considered calling up his relief pilot to handle the rest of this mission. But, handing over the Normandy before the mission was technically complete felt wrong. And, hell, what if something happened? This had all originally felt like a trap, even if the assault on Thomas's forces had been pretty straight forward. Except for that one bomb.

_Nah, now you're just looking for problems that don't exist, Moreau._

He heard unfamiliar footfall on the bridge and pulled his feet off the dash. As Joker turned his chair around, _nothing _could have prepared him for what was on the other side. Anna Rivers was pointing a gun at his head, and Kaya was standing at her side. There was something wrong about her. Her eyes were out of focus and her posture was off. She was standing too tall, like some good little soldier.

The Scorpion that Kaya and Gunnie had gotten him was holstered at the side of his chair. Kaya had insisted on it, pointing out how useless his proximity to the armor locker was if someone snuck up behind him. He pulled it out now and pointed it at Rivers, his finger on the trigger.

She laughed at that. "Oh, you make this too easy. This is going to be fun. Cole, darling, take his gun."

Kaya's hand reached out so fast it was a blur. He felt his wrist snap and cried out. Rivers pulled out her Omni-tool and locked the cockpit door when a few crew members looked up in surprise. Then, Kaya was pointing the pistol at him. Her hands were totally steady and her eyes were dead, all of the light he knew completely gone.

"What did you do to her, you bitch?" he growled through the pain.

"Oh, I'm just giving her a dose of her own medicine," Anna said sweetly. Joker felt sickened by how much the redhead sounded like Maya Brooks. "Come on, you didn't think they would let their little prodigy back into the world without some insurance, did you?"

Joker looked at Kaya. No. She couldn't be – they couldn't be controlling her. She was too strong for that.

"Clearly not," Anna said. "Oh, I do think I'm going to enjoy this."

Joker remembered something he had overheard Malik saying to Van Dyne. Something about mercy. Joker did not believe it for a second, but he knew he had to play his last card.

"You don't have to do this. We can help–"

"Save it, asswipe," Anna said, the false saccharine quality of her voice vanishing. It was like a switch flipped, and Rivers was now mimicking Jack. "Your girlfriend her already tried to _save _me. I don't need your pity or mercy. I just need a bunch of bodies in my wake." She lowered her gun and crossed her arms with a smirk, turning to Kaya. "Do it."

_This isn't your fault, _he thought, hoping that she could hear him. He closed his eyes, unable to look at whatever _thing _had taken over her body. But, whatever part of Kaya was still in there had to know that he did not blame her. He would never blame her. _It's okay. I mean, fight back if you can. That would be nice. I'd prefer not to have my girlfriend shoot me in the face. It'll probably look bad on your report. Kaidan will be pissed. More pissed than usual. I mean, one of his team members taking down his pilot? I can't imagine all the paperwork–_

He heard the high-pitched sound of the pistol discharging. And Joker was still in one piece. He expected some delayed reaction, some surge of pain elsewhere in his body. But, it never came. Instead, he opened his eyes and saw Kaya and Rivers both lying on the ground.

Joker launched himself out of his chair immediately. He knelt down beside Kaya, pain shooting through his arm when he attempted to brace himself against the broken wrist. She was completely still. Too still. She couldn't be – he felt for a pulse and let out his breath. She was alive. Knocked out cold and clammy with sweat, but alive.

He looked over at Rivers. There was a single bullet hole in her head, and her brains were splattered over the port-side wall of the cockpit.

Joker felt something wet under his knee, and he saw a pool of red between him and Kaya. He launched himself up and opened the door, feeling his fibula fracture at the sudden application of pressure. The CIC crew had gathered in the narrow of the bridge, trying to get it open from their side.

"Help me get her down to med bay, now!" Joker cried out.

The startled crew members got their shit together fast. Joker had to give them that. There was a stretcher beside the airlock, designed for getting people who were injured _outside _the ship. They carefully lifted Kaya onto it, sidestepping the body right next to her. Traynor was there with her Omni-tool, frowning. She hit a few keys, and Kaidan's voice came blaring into the room.

"Normandy, this is Major Alenko. What's your status? Normandy, come in."

Joker tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled, foreign noise.

"Kaidan, it's Sam," she offered, putting a hand reassuringly on Joker's shoulder. "We're – the situation's under control. I think."

"What the hell–"

"It was Rivers, Kaidan," Sam said as the privates strapped Kaya to the board. "She somehow snuck on board. Disabled our communications."

"Is everyone–"

"I think she shot Dr. Cole. But, Kaya shot back. Rivers is dead. You had better get back up here."

"How bad is it?"

"She wasn't shot. Her old wound's open," Joker offered, surprised to find how steady his voice had become. You did not run with Shepard on a few suicide missions without being able to handle some minor gunshot wounds, even when it was your girlfriend being rushed to Chakwas. "She'll be fine."

He followed after the team as they ran with Kaya between them down the bridge, ignoring the searing pain in his leg. But, Joker was unable to keep up. He watched helplessly as he stumbled and Traynor caught him. She had to be fine. She had to be.


	33. Family

It was too loud. There were so many voices – actual voices and streams of thought – bouncing off the walls. Karin was yelling at people to get out and give her space. Kaya tried to move, but the slightest motion sent pain shooting through her. It felt like her brain was pushing out on her skull, pushing it apart where the doctors had cut into her just weeks before. Her chest ached. Her stomach was on fire. She felt a prick on her forearm as Karin started an IV. The cold of the saline solution pushed against the fire, and Kaya wanted to scream out. But, no sound came. No motion. She was paralyzed on the table, the cold rushing up her arm and into her chest. It felt like she was choking, and then the pain started to ebb.

When she came to again, everything was much more quiet. She could hear Karin at her desk, going over scans of Kaya's brain. She was trying to figure out which unknown component was the control chip, but even Kaya could see that there was no way to get _any _of those components out. Not without seriously risking paralyzing her. Or worse. At least that last surge of near-lethal electricity through her nervous system had finished them off.

She tried to remember exactly what happened, but everything was hazy. She remembered Kaidan and the team going down to Amaterasu. She remembered them taking out Thomas. And then – a flash of red hair. Rivers. Pain in her abdomen, shooting through the rest of her. A gun in her hand.

Jeff.

Kaya bolted upright and instantly regretted it. She cried out as the pain sliced through her and her vision flashed white. Karin was immediately up, pushing her back onto the table and looking for a sedative. Kaya's eyes found Jeff's. He was alive. She hadn't done it. She had fought back.

"No, please don't," she whimpered, throwing her hand out to grab Karin's arm. "I'm okay. Lucid. I just temporarily forgot about being shot."

She reached out her other hand toward Jeff and found tears coming. It was not from the pain. It was fear. Relief. Anger. Jeff grabbed at her hand and kissed her on the forehead. She took a deep breath and smiled a little, taking comfort in the familiarity of his beard tickling between her eyebrows. And then Kaya was crying in earnest.

The memories were coming back more clearly now. Kaya tried to push them away and remember that it had all worked out. Jeff was alive. She was alive. It was over. But, the flashes of images and intrusive thoughts would not abate.

_"Cole, darling, take his gun."_

_Kaya felt her hand shoot out to Jeff's. In a practiced motion – something Cain had taught her early in her CIA days – she applied pressure to his wrist. It would just make a healthy person drop whatever they were holding. But she could feel the bones shatter beneath her fingers. The part of her still fighting was screaming, but it did not matter. Her hand took the gun, felt the weight of the pistol in her palm. It was so light. Like a toy. Like the toy sniper rifles Ash and Andy had. She remembered shooting empty beer bottles with them, thinking that there was something very off about her little family. And then she saw the Scorpion in front of her face, aimed levelly at Jeff's head._

_No. No, no, no. Please._

_The screaming had turned to whimpering. She was losing. She couldn't fight this. Jeff was trying to reason with her, being a hell of a lot more merciful than she would have expected. _

_"We can help–"_

_"Save it, asswipe."_

_Don't make me do this. Please, don't make me do this. Just kill me. Just kill me and get it over with. _

_Her finger closed in on the trigger, just a muscle twitch away from killing the man she loved. And she could not fight back._

_I'm sorry._

_"It'll probably look bad on your report. Kaidan will be pissed. More pissed than usual."_

_He was joking. Her idiot boyfriend was joking around, even in his thoughts, even as his brainwashed girlfriend pointed a gun at him. Kaya wanted to smile. To laugh. To reassure him that she could hear. _

_And then she pulled her finger away from the trigger. Pain shot through her skull, and she wondered for a second if Rivers had shot her. But, she was still standing. The control chip. Something had happened. She had to act fast._

_Kaya felt a pang of guilt. She had wanted to help Anna. She really, really had. Maybe this was the only kindness she could offer. She turned and pulled the trigger._

"Kaya! Kaya, baby, talk to me."

She blinked, and the Normandy's cockpit dissolved back into the med bay. Jeff was squeezing her hand in his. It hurt. She did not care.

"I'm okay," she said. "Just – it was just a flashback. I'm okay." She brought a hand up to her face and wiped away the tears she felt there.

She squeezed his hand back, before remembering that she had just broken his wrist. As her fingers loosened, he must have followed her train of thought.

"It's not your fault."

"I know," she said. "But it kind of is. If I hadn't come aboard the Normandy–"

"She would have tracked you down on Earth," Jeff said firmly. "She probably would have beaten the Normandy there. And then Gunnie–"

He could not finish the thought, and Kaya did not want him to. The idea of Hilary just _seeing _any of this, let alone getting hurt, was unbearable. The girl had gone through enough trauma on Tiptree. Kaya decided to change the topic.

"You saved me," she whispered. "I think – you were cracking jokes. Being a total asshole. And that's when I felt the chip give out. Like your ridiculousness short-circuited it."

_Actually, all of the implants are so completely fried, it's a wonder that control chip worked for as long as it did. _Kaya looked over at Karin and rolled her eyes.

_If I want to believe the power of love saved us, just give me that one, Doc._

Jeff was laughing feebly as an image flashed into Kaya's mind. Two soldiers, lying on the ground outside the cargo hold with single red markings on their foreheads. She made the mistake of turning around, Anna Rivers right next to her, as they waited for the elevator. Or maybe it was Rivers who made her turn. She could hear the nagging voice in her mind, taking over as the rest of her screamed. She saw the contents of their skulls smashed against the metal walls.

"Oh my god," she gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth. Then, another realization. The engineering deck. "Gabby and Ken–"

"They're fine. They're fine," Jeff reassured her, his eyes flashing nervously at this sudden change in her tone. He moved his other hand, the one in an immobilizing wrap, lightly to the side of her face.

"The rest of the crew?"

"Fine," Karin said, standing up from her desk as she monitored something in Kaya's vitals. "Rivers used a tactical cloak to slip past everyone else. Kaya, I need to you focus on your breathing now. Your heart rate is getting dangerously high."

She tried, but the image of the soldiers – the ones who were supposed to be protecting her crew – wouldn't leave her mind's eye. Her attempts just made her rapid breathing into shaky gasps. She felt the gun in her hand again. So light, it felt like a toy. She saw Jeff close his eyes, accepting what was about to happen but unable to watch. And then there was darkness.

* * *

><p>When Kaya woke up again, the lights in the med bay had been dimmed. Her head no longer felt primed to explode, which left her capable of shooting a glare over at Karin.<p>

"Was that really necessary?"

Karin raised her eyebrows from behind the desk, before turning calmly back to a datapad. "Next time I'll just let you have a heart attack then. We can see how that turns out." As Kaya looked around, Karin waved a hand at the window to the mess and added, "I forced Joker to go eat something."

Kaya's head followed her hand, and she struggled to sit up. Karin watched her carefully, but Kaya was able to pull herself into a sitting position with only a dull ache in her belly. She must have been out for a while. She turned to look out the window, taking in a sharp inhale as the twist pulled at the Medi-gel holding her insides in. _Ah, no, there it is. _Jeff, Kaidan, James, Liara, Tali and Kasumi were sitting around the long mess hall table. Kaya rapped lightly on the window, and the crew outside piled into the med bay in record time.

"Jesus, you'd think I had been shot again," she said. When her little attempt at levity fell flat, she muttered about the tough crowd before continuing, "Okay, sorry. Bad joke."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Jeff teased, sitting down next to her. There was a terse undertone to his voice. "Leave the comedy to the professionals."

She rolled her eyes with extra exaggeration and leaned her head on his shoulder. He put an arm around her side, although he did it like some tepid fifth-grade kid. And he wasn't doing it because of the sprained wrist. Kaya snorted. "Love, I got shot to hell on my _left _side, remember? You're fine."

_Seriously, stop with the jokes about getting shot. Some of us actually had to witness the aftermath. Twice._

Kaya winced, looking up with him apologetically. He did tighten his arm around her waist, though. The pressure was comforting. With his arm around her she felt safe, as if her entire world had not nearly come crashing down. It would probably help to talk shop, too. Kaya wondered whether Thomas was awake yet. However, she couldn't bring herself to shatter the moment. This was her family. Right in front of her were most of the people she cared about most in the entire damn galaxy. Instead of finding their overt concern annoying, as she very well might have a couple hours ago, Kaya was touched. There was something simply peaceful about seeing them all gathered there, the danger firmly behind them. But, there was one last joke she could attempt.

"So, boss, am I still fired?"

The corner of Kaidan's mouth twitched. "Actually, your tactical work was damn impressive. Who taught you that?"

Jeff raised a hand to his chest in mock affront, completing the act with a high-pitched gasp. Kaya giggled a little too hard. She realized she _might_ be a bit high from the painkillers. "You don't recognize my handiwork, Major? That stings a bit."

"I don't just dick around when you leave me aboard for non-psychic missions," Kaya added. "I'm in the cockpit, watching your six. And I spent a lot of my free time watching old footage of different fights. I was bound to pick something up. Eventually."

"Yeah, well, you did good, kid," Kaidan said, sitting on the table across from her. "Although I'm still offering your job to Grunt. I mean, did you see him tear through those guys?"

Kaya shrugged. "Fair enough. I could use a vacation, anyway."

"Damn straight," Vega said, sitting on her other side. Kaya had to stifle a giggle at the way Jeff became just slightly, almost unconsciously territorial. "We had better all be getting a healthy dose of shore leave after this one."

"Are you still coming to Rannoch?" Tali asked.

She sat across from Kaya, along with Liara. Kasumi moved behind Kaya and jumped up on the table. She sat down, splaying her legs out around the outside of Kaya's and hugging her from behind. Kaya laughed at the way Jeff raised an eyebrow in the thief's direction. The two weren't exactly close, but Kasumi had now pinned his arm between herself and Kaya. Karin rounded out their little party, wheeling her chair around into view.

"Absolutely," Kaya said, grinning like an idiot. She realized that the relief was palpable in the room. Everyone was feeling a little bit high, although half of them were in fact on one drug or another after that last fight. "As soon as we figure out, well – what does all of this mean about my place with the Alliance and the Council?"

"I honestly have no idea," Kaidan said. "I mean, Hackett wants to throw you in the brig. If you _were _actually Alliance, he'd probably get his wish. Lying to an admiral's a pretty serious offense."

"In my defense, I don't think I ever _explicitly _mentioned that I was heading back to the Normandy on your orders. I just, you know, heavily implied it."

Vega chuckled as Kaidan said, "Uh huh. Sure."

"Well, you guys figure all of that out," Tali said dismissively. Kaya supposed the quarian had been through enough bureaucratic bullshit – between the Alliance, the Council, and her own damn fleet – that Kaya possibly facing a court marshal was dismissible. "And then come visit me on your shore leave. I have the space. It can be like one, giant sleepover."

"That sounds pretty damn nice, Tal. I really liked Rannoch. And, you know, I kind of like you idiots, too. Ooh, and I can meet this boyfriend of yours."

Under her helmet, Kaya was ninety percent sure that Tali was blushing.

"Seconded," Liara said, bumping against Tali playfully with her shoulder. "Kaidan and I should come. It could be a couples weekend."

Vega and Kasumi both made sounds of mild protest at that. Kaya suddenly remembered a particularly vivid dream Kasumi had once, during an impromptu sleepover aboard the Normandy while she was in port. She started giggling like a madwoman, remembering how entertaining teasing her cousin about it in the morning had been. Kasumi must have caught on, because she clamped a hand over Kaya's mouth. When James got the hint, he started to blush. Kasumi only pulled her hand away when Kaidan, looking completely befuddled, started talking about sights they could go see in Rannoch's capitol city.

"Aw, come on. You two would actually make a pretty cute couple," Kaya whispered, and she dissolved into a fit of giggles again as James blushed even harder.

* * *

><p>Kaya awoke from her nap with a groan. "I take it this means you've come down a bit," Karin said nonchalantly from her desk. Kaya glared at Jeff as he chuckled. Karin had started worrying when Kaya <em>really <em>could not stop laughing so – as amused as her crewmates had been at the concept of a high-as-a-kite little telepath – the good doctor had forced everyone out of the room and put Kaya back under.

"Bright lights," Kaya mumbled, reaching for her blanket and pulling it over her head. "Need more drugs."

Karin did actually dim the lights and tint the windows, as Jeff ran his uninjured hand lightly up and down her stomach over the covers. "You okay in there?" There was a note of amusement in his voice, instead of worry.

"Did we all get drunk earlier, and I just blacked out?" she groaned. It felt like she had a damn hangover, even worse than that time she tried to drink Shepard under the table. _That _had been a mistake Kaya would not soon repeat.

"What, you don't remember getting on the comm and serenading the whole ship?" Jeff teased.

"If you're gonna try and convince me I was blackout drunk, at least choose something believable," Kaya laughed.

"True. I've heard you sing, and not even drunk Kaya is cruel and unusual enough to unleash that upon innocent bystanders."

"Jerk."

"I try."

Kaya pulled the covers back down just a bit, so that they were still over the bridge of her nose. She made a show of rolling her eyes. Jeff leaned over, chuckling, and kissed her on the forehead. Kaya heard the med bay door open and turned to look at who had entered, although Jeff did not. His lips dragged lightly across her forehead, his beard tickling her face.

She reluctantly pushed him away when she realized it was Malik and Van Dyne who had entered. Interestingly, neither of them had their psychic blocking up.

_Like I said, once we were sure you could be trusted …_

Kaya smiled and nodded at Pari as Jeff helped her into a sitting position. Her side only ached dully now. It was her head that protested the sudden movement.

"You two were pretty impressive out there," Kaya offered. She pointed to Pari. "Although, I mean, she blew you out of the water, Alexis. Where the hell did you learn to shoot like that?"

Pari playfully nudged Alexis with her shoulder and smirked. "I'm a spacer kid. Both parents were in the Alliance. I've been hitting up makeshift ranges on one ship or another for as long as I can remember."

"An unfair advantage," Alexis pointed out, slinging an arm lazily around her shoulders. _Called it. _"Some of us actually had _normal _lives before the special powers kicked in."

Kaya snorted, seeing scenes from his childhood flash through her own head. "I wouldn't exactly call spending a year sailing around the world _normal_, Alexis."

"Sailing?"

"You've got your kind of ships, Moreau, and I've got mine," Alexis said with a shrug. "I'm thinking it's about time I got back onboard an _actual _deck, too."

"You're retiring?" Kaya asked, raising an eyebrow and looking between them.

"Hell no," Pari said. "Well, I'm not, anyway. But, I was always the only one who actually enjoyed all this. We're taking a page out of your book. Going on a well-deserved vacation."

"And then I'm going to sail into the sunset and live the trust-fund kid life I was always meant to live," Alexis said, extending his arm in front of him and painting a fake horizon for dramatic effect. "Without the threat of Blacklight hanging over us, I'm not too keen on hanging around with the Alliance."

"Agreed," Kaya said, before she even realized the words had left her lips. Jeff raised an eyebrow at her, but Kaya realized it was true. This life was exciting, sure. Sometimes it was even fun, and getting to live and work with her boyfriend despite the military deployments was a nice perk. But, she was done playing soldier. "And the Council can kiss my ass, too. They want to argue about it, I'm sure Liara has some _interesting _data on Blacklight we could make very public."

"What will you do with all your newfound free time?" Alexis asked.

"What I was planning on doing before the damn CIA got in the way and jettisoned me forward seventy years," Kaya said. "My job. Karin, you think you could help me find a nice, civilian residency position?"

"I could make a few calls. I'll miss having you around the Normandy, though."

"Hell, Doc, isn't it about time _you _retired?" Jeff said. Kaya smiled at the affronted look on Karin's face. _Foot, meet mouth._

"Are you calling me _old, _Mr. Moreau?" He tried to stutter out a response, but there was no way to take it back. Karin shot a mockingly pointed look over to Kaya. "_I'm _not a quitter. Haven't had my fill of great adventure yet, I'm afraid."

_And you'll be sticking around making sure Jeff takes his damn meds until the Alliance forces you to retire, you crazy old woman. Cheers._

"All joking aside," Pari interjected, "we came in for a reason." She looked between Jeff and Karin, before deciding they were close enough to Kaya to hear this.

Kaya wasn't sure _she _wanted to hear this, seeing where the conversation was about to turn. She opened her mouth to tell them off. Say something about how it was unnecessary and she got the message, but Alexis cut her off. "Nope. You're going to listen to what we have to say."

She narrowed her eyes at him. _I still don't have to like you, you know. _He flashed her a self-satisfied smirk.

"You need to know that we don't blame you for any of this," Pari said. Kaya opened her mouth to protest, but the young sniper cut her off. "No. What happened with Blacklight was _not _your fault."

"The project only started up because of me. If I had just kept my damn mouth shut, Indigo never would have started up. And Blacklight wouldn't even exist. No one would know about any of you–"

"If you had kept your damn mouth shut, I probably would have OD'ed," Van Dyne said. Kaya blinked at that, her eyes searching his as she probed at his memories. He pressed on unnecessarily, "You remember what it was like, when you started hearing voices in your head for the first time? I thought I was going fucking insane. Then I realized that the voices seemed to mesh with reality. And I realized it too late.

"There was this guy. I passed him on the street, but I never really _noticed _him, you know? But there was a voice in all the chatter, thinking about killing a girl." Kaya could see the memory almost as clearly as Alexis as he relived it. A rainy street, shoving past bodies with so many voices in his head he wanted to cry out in agony. The angry, murderous rage was so indistinguishable from his own pain that it passed right by unchecked. "The next day, I'm out getting a pint with a buddy. A match had just finished, and the channel turned to the nightly news. And there's this girl. And I _knew _her. Had never seen in her person, but I knew what the newscaster was going to say before he said it."

"Alexis–"

"No. I'm going to make _absolutely sure _you understand why I owe you my life. You can think I'm a stuck-up jackass who invades on everyone's personal space all you want, but you're going to understand why." Jeff was still as stone next to her, and even Karin was holding her breath. And they weren't actually _seeing _the horrors playing out in Alexis's head. "That was the night I realized what was really happening. I wasn't crazy. It was so much worse. I ran with a crew that did all kinds of shit to get high, and one of my buddies had been talking about some real nasty stuff. I still don't even know what it was. It was an Alliance asshole that found me about to choke on my own vomit. My mom had made me go to a shrink about a week earlier. Never told them half the truth, but somebody figured it out. Indigo has all kinds of technically illegal access to medical records that they skim the metadata of, looking for people like you and me.

"I should be dead. The only reason I'm not is that Indigo started running those kinds of searches after you went MIA. You've been blaming yourself about Grissom this whole damn time, but you saved the lot of us."

His face was totally still, even though Kaya could practically feel his head spinning. Alexis had told very few people that story. At some point – it had not even registered – Jeff had taken Kaya's hand and was squeezing it tightly. Alexis was mimicking the gesture as he gripped Pari's shoulder.

Her eyes were resolute as Pari added, "We didn't have to go through what you went through. Not alone. So stop beating yourself up about it, already."

Quite possibly for the first time in her life, Kaya found herself at a total loss for words. But, with two telepaths facing her, she didn't need to say anything at all. As Kaya processed everything – taking in the idea that her reckless joining of a damn CIA black-op at fifteen could have been a _good _thing – they watched her carefully. She found herself re-evaluating the idea of working in a hospital or starting up a private practice somewhere. Maybe she should head to Grissom Academy. Maybe there was something she could offer them, after all.

Pari seemed satisfied by that thought. She smiled as Alexis nodded, and the two of them strode wordlessly out of the medical bay. Karin and Jeff were familiar enough with Kaya's abilities that they had some semblance of what had occurred. Still, they were visibly stricken by it all.

Kaya suddenly realized she was exhausted, despite her spending ninety-five percent of the past two weeks unconscious. Seeing into people's darkest memories could have that effect. "Hey, Karin, you think I'm good to try sleeping in my own bed for a while?" When Karin nodded, Kaya thought to add, "I don't know how long they're sticking with us, but keep an eye on Alexis, okay? He – he needs someone with medical expertise looking after him, you know?"

Jeff helped her up. Kaya was able to walk, albeit even more slowly than before. She leaned on him heavily for support as they hobbled across the crew deck to the XO's chambers. It was practically empty. Everyone must have been grabbing some rack time, and Kaya was grateful for the quiet. Jeff helped her climb into bed, her torso still feebly protesting every twist, and then settled in next to her on top of the covers. They did not need to say anything, but Kaya could feel the emotions of the day rolling over her. Blacklight was finished. Hopefully. Rivers was dead, at her hand. After almost forcing her to kill Jeff and god knows who else. And, to top it all off, Van Dyne thought he owed Kaya his life.

Illogically, it was that last bit that set Kaya over the edge. She felt the tears well up and start falling before she even had time to try and choke them back. Jeff was making shushing noises as he kissed her cheek, but his attempt at comfort only made her more distraught. The tears started falling in earnest, and she barely recognized the strangled sound leaving her throat.

"Just try and sleep," he whispered, fingers dancing lightly on her skull. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."


	34. Okinawa

_She was sitting in front of the television watching a cartoon and eating a rice ball. Suddenly, the tsunami warning sirens cut through the upbeat music accompanying the flashing colors on screen. It was Thursday. They never tested the sirens on Thursdays. Kaya stood up and bounded to the window, her pigtails bouncing. She looked out onto the street, where commuters were temporarily frozen in place. Her father ran in the door, dressed in his suit, and started looking for his car keys._

_"Get your shoes, Kaya-chan," he said, shrugging off his suit jacket and loosening his tie. His voice was calm. Practiced. It was hardly the first time an earthquake had triggered the alarms, directing everyone to get to higher ground. Nothing had ever happened._

_Hey, maybe they wouldn't have school tomorrow. Or, at the very least, she could get away with not finishing her homework._

_Kaya followed her dad's directions, turning off the T.V. before finding her trainers by the door and slipping them on. He took her by the hand and locked the door behind them. And that's when Kaya saw it. Rising in the west like some kind of monster, thick purple smoke had begun billowing into the sky. It was coming from where Rin's mom worked, at the factory down the street. It blocked out the view of the skyscrapers in the distance and blotted out the evening sun._

_She looked to her father, and his calm expression was gone. His eyes were wide, fixed above the houses across the street. _

_She pulled on his hand. "Otosan, let's go."_

_He looked at her blankly for a moment before unlocking the small car and programming it for the low hills to the south. The car backed into the driveway, barely missing a suited pedestrian, and pulled away. Kaya turned around in the back seat and watched as the smoke got closer. The car kept coming to a halt, as others pulled out of their driveways or people ran in front of them. And the smoke got closer._

_Everything had a purple tinge now. Her father turned off the car and jumped out. Kaya was still watching out the back window as he opened her door and pulled her out. They ran, Kaya holding tightly around his neck as she watched the smoke descend onto their street. It moved as if it had a purpose. A mind. A soul._

_She screamed as it touched her skin. It burned. Her father fell, but he curled his body around Kaya as they tumbled to the ground. Everything was dark. She couldn't breathe. Her skin was burning. People were screaming. And, oh god, she couldn't breathe._

Kaya woke up screaming eighty two years later. She couldn't breathe. She took deep gasps, but her lungs refused to expand. Someone had grabbed her shoulders, and a pair of unfamiliar green eyes were searching hers.

And then everything snapped back into place. She was twenty six again. The year was 2191. Her desperate gasps became hyperventilation.

"Breathe, baby, just breathe," Jeff said. "It's just another nightmare. You're okay. You're safe."

Her breathing became more regular, but she still felt gripped by panic. She was dying. She was going to die. She was sure of it. He pressed his forehead to hers and their noses touched. In the darkened room, she could just make out the light of the alarm clock catching his eyes.

She was safe. She was aboard the Normandy. Rivers was dead, and Thomas was captured. Her breathing slowed. She was with Jeff. She was safe.

It was her fourth nightmare in the span of a few short hours. First it had been James, running from the police with a parcel of drugs his father had tricked him into buying. Then it was Jeff, watching as Shepard got spaced. Next came Jack, on Pragia, fighting other biotic kids in Cerberus's twisted lab.

Her own nightmares were always the worst. The most vivid. The most painful. She had not dreamed of that day in Okinawa in a very long time. She swore she could still feel the way the chemical smoke burned her skin and eyes. The way her father's body shielded hers from the pavement as they fell. The unbearable pain in her throat that could make a twelve-year old beg for death.

Kaya realized she was drenched in sweat. She asked Jeff to lock the door and slowly sat up, wincing at the dull pain in her side. It hurt even more as she tried to pull off her tank top. She let out a little whimper, and Jeff sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hands. He carefully took the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. To his credit, not one inappropriate thought passed though his head. She kicked off the sheets, and he helped her pull off her shorts. Then Jeff helped her over to the couch in the alcove next to the bed. The cool leather felt good against her skin as she laid down.

"How far are we from Earth?" she asked, as he ran a washcloth under some cold water from the sink.

He folded it are carefully rested it on her forehead. "Eight hours. Where were you?"

She appreciated his directness, in a way. Jeff had become accustomed to her nightmares and panic attacks, even if they had become less frequent over the past few months. Still, being direct in reply was a challenge. She felt the cold against her forehead and reveled in it, not willing to answer for a long time. He sat next to her, propping her legs on top of his, and waited patiently.

"Okinawa," Kaya finally said. She ran a hand behind her neck and wiped away the sweat there. Her fingers brushed against the unused biotic port. "I swear I can still feel it burning in my lungs."

She turned onto her good side, holding the washcloth in place. Jeff slid in next to her, putting one arm under her head and the other over her chest. He kissed the back of her head, and she almost laughed at how strange that felt. There should be copious amounts of black hair in his way. Instead, his lips tickled against her stubble. She ran her fingers over the immobilizing wrap around his wrist and frowned.

"It doesn't hurt," he assured her. She traced the muscle of his other forearm, the one she had not managed to break, and found herself reflecting on how safe she felt here. With all those physical therapy exercises, Jeff was a lot stronger than he liked to admit. She had caught him thinking of himself as "weak" and "soft" when around her, which was thoroughly annoying. He was more built than anyone else Kaya had ever dated. Granted, she tended to go for the nerdy, slender type. A military pilot was a _bit _of a departure from her normal pattern. That was probably why things were working out so well.

"It's not–"

"My fault. I know, love," Kaya finished for him quietly. She was silent for a long time before saying, "I don't want to fall back asleep. But I don't want to remember the past few hours, either."

His fingers lightly traced the edge of her naked breast, and she giggled. No fair. He knew she was ticklish there.

"Trying to take advantage of your emotionally disturbed girlfriend by copping a feel, Moreau? Really?" she mock-scolded. Kaya hated to admit it, but his ridiculous gesture totally worked. She giggled again, feeling the tension flow out of her back. Kaya could feel his lips pull into a smile at the back of her skull.

"Better?" he asked, lazily running his fingers up and down her stomach instead. She knew, even without her powers, that the word carried two meanings.

"What did I do to wind up with someone so good?" she asked, smiling.

"Well, being an excellent combination of sexy and smart never hurt. And, honestly, you want to know what really got me?"

"My sharp wit?"

"Nah. You're not as funny as you think," he said, and Kaya lightly slapped his arm. He laughed and continued, "You never, not for a second, treated me differently than everyone else when you first came aboard the Normandy. You found out about my condition, made a comment about how impressive it was that the Alliance had let me into a pilot's chair, and then talked about how out-of-practice you were in medicine. Like, it was just another thing. Like I had told you I enjoyed classic rock or something. No big deal. Even after you broke my bones in – what? Eight places? – after that nightmare where we discovered your biotics, you _still _treated me like everyone else."

Kaya considered that for a moment. She had spent so much time working with people who had all kinds of medical problems, even before she was in med school. Half of her high school had been on some kind of psychiatric medication. She had watched most of her childhood friends die horrific deaths from metastatic lung cancer. He was right. The fact that his bones were a little more fragile had barely phased her. He was (relatively) mentally stable and healthy enough to be out of a hospital. She had a passing academic interest in his condition, sure, but she had a passing academic interest in everything.

Kaya thought about explaining this, but it sounded weirdly clinical in her head. Instead she went with, "I have PTSD and manic depression, Jeff. I spent months in the hospital after Okinawa on a ventilator. So, your bones break a little more easily than everyone else's. You were hardly more broken than me. Also, you're wrong. I did treat you differently at one point."

"When you were afraid that you'd break something in bed?" he asked knowingly.

"_That _would have been awkward to explain to Karin, okay?" she laughed.

"Wait a minute. You were more concerned with explaining it to Chakwas than, you know, hurting me?"

Kaya rolled her eyes, not even willing to acknowledge his jab with a response. He pinched lightly at her side, and she let out a ticklish squeak. She laced his fingers in hers, just as he was thinking about a full-frontal tickle assault. He must have known what she was up to, because he started laughing silently, his stomach vibrating against her.

"This is why I love you," she murmured. "Five minutes ago I was having a panic attack, and now we're just messing around. Like everything's totally normal."

"Yeah, well, our baseline for 'normal' is a bit fucked up," he postulated. "And, I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Even though she had voiced fear over sleeping again, Kaya did fall back into a fitful slumber. Joker wondered for while if he should be concerned. Chakwas had assured him – repeatedly – that there was no serious neural damage from the short-circuiting of her last functioning cybernetic implants. They were designed, after all, to blow a fuse (so to speak) instead of frying her central nervous system. She would have some headaches and possibly slower reaction times. Maybe trouble with her short-term memory, although Chakwas kept reminding him there were no signs of that. Yet. The "symptoms" could last for days or the rest of her life. But, she was not in danger. Or so the good doctor kept telling him.<p>

Kaya had not spent more than an hour being conscious since Amaterasu. And that was almost two days ago. (Now that he thought of it, Joker was pretty sure Kaya was unaware of how long it had been.) He carefully extracted himself from next to her. Joker wished he could carry her to the bed, but that would be nigh impossible even without the fractured leg and shattered wrist. Instead, he pulled the comforter off of the matress and relocated it. Kaya curled up in the covers immediately, turning toward the back of the couch. _Was she deprived of blankets as a child or something? _He chuckled lightly and shook his head. It was a good thing he was a heavy sleeper, or this whole affair would be doomed.

Reluctantly, Joker headed for the door to talk to Dr. Chakwas again. Just to be sure. He slipped a sweatshirt over his undershirt and threw on his boots, looking over at Kaya every ten seconds. He walked over and unlocked the compartment, and Dr. Chakwas was on the other side of the door.

"Well, that's creepy," he said, a bit louder than he would have liked. Kaya did not stir.

Chakwas waved a hand dismissively. "How's our patient doing?"

"Asleep. Again. You're _sure _that's okay?"

"Is this what you were coming to talk to me about, Jeff?" she said knowingly. "Kaya needs to rest. Her body has been thrown into complete disarray. I'm carefully monitoring her vitals at all times. Breathe out, dear."

Joker didn't think Chakwas had ever called him _dear _before. It was not particularly reassuring. "Why are you here?"

"Jeff, when was the last time you slept?"

He had to think for a bit. When he came up with an answer, he knew there was no way it was right. "I mean – I think I took a nap at some point yesterday. I think."

"You haven't had more than an hour of rest, let alone sleep, since before we hit Amaterasu. I checked." Three days. He had gone three days without actual sleep. Shit. "Go to bed, Jeff. And that's an order."

It sure as hell was not the first time she had pulled rank on him. "Yes, _Major,_" he said, shaking his head as he gave a sarcastic salute. She nodded in satisfaction and pointed like a drill officer back toward the bed.

He marched back to the back of the cabin and sat down. Three days. Why didn't he feel tired? Could he really _still _be running off adrenaline? Joker was reminded darkly of that unknown garden planet, after Earth. After EDI – no, he needed to be able to say it. It had been almost six fucking years. When EDI died. Chakwas had snuck up behind him and tranquilized him in the AI core after two days of non-stop attempts to get her back online.

Why couldn't he shake the feeling that this was similar, even though Kaya was lying on the couch across from him? Breathing. Snoring, actually, God help him. It wasn't like this was the first time he had sat by, helpless, as she lay unconscious due to one attack or another. He remembered the first time – well, the first time while they were dating, anyway – when she had seized in the cockpit. He remembered her body going totally limp, which was almost a relief given the way she had been screaming before. _It sounded like one of those damn ardat-yakshi husks. _Joker shivered, deciding not to go any further with _that _particular line of thought.

He realized he should have asked for a sedative, before recalling the bottle of pills in Kaya's sweatshirt. _Shepard's sweatshirt. Note to self: don't let Kaya wear it to Alliance H.Q. It was funny last time. But she wasn't under serious threat of being thrown in prison, last time. _He found the N7 hoodie crumpled on the floor and pulled the green container out. Joker would need one to have any hope of falling asleep. His mind was just racing too fast. He remembered back to EDI. _That's why, you idiot. _He had already lost one woman he loved, and then he had watched multiple times as it almost happened again.

Three months ago he would have protested the idea of Kaya leaving the Normandy. Now, though – if it meant she would be safer, Joker could deal with being separated while he was deployed. That was what _most _people did, after all. _That _was normal. Shacking up with your X.O. was decidedly not. Of course, most X.O.'s also weren't civilians. Who used to be medical officers. Or, rather, black-ops agents masquerading as medical officers.

The crew of the Normandy was really, really bad at standard Alliance regulation. Or, rather, Alenko and Shepard were really good at circumventing it. And–

And Joker really needed to stop thinking about pointless things like that and go to sleep. Not that being separated from his girlfriend for potentially months on end was trivial. But, he needed to get at least one R.E.M. cycle under his belt. Kaya would be _pissed _if he was nonfunctional when they hit Earth. His relief pilot could take over the flying. She sure as hell needed the practice, based on their last training run. But supporting Kaya as she faced off against Hackett was his job.

He read the label on the back of the bottle, using a dimmed flashlight on his Omni-tool, and dry swallowed one pill. (If he had overdosed on sleeping pills, she would _really _be pissed.) Kaya had uncharacteristically fallen asleep in a straight line, instead of the splay of limbs he was used to. He shrugged out of his sweatshirt and undershirt before pulling back off his boots. Then he carefully lifted up the covers and climbed in next to her. Their couch was not the most comfortable place to sleep, but his bed was both cover-less and devoid of Kaya. He would risk a few muscle aches tonight.

She muttered something in her sleep about cherry blossoms, which Joker hoped meant she was actually having a _good _dream for once. He cushioned his head on his uninjured arm and draped the other one over her chest, his fingers lightly moving along her protruding collar bone. Her head was cradled under his chin, and Joker had to stifle a laugh. Her spiky scalp probably felt a lot like his beard, as it grazed across the more bare parts of his neck. _How the hell does she stand that? It itches. _The sedative was starting to kick in, so Joker found himself not caring enough to readjust his position.

_Good. Just sleep already. She will be fine. We will be fine. We always are, against the odds._


	35. Vancouver

They arrived planet-side in the early hours of the morning. Kaya was one of the last off the Normandy. Karin was forcing her to use a damn wheelchair. She would have been more annoyed, if it were not in fact absolutely necessary. With everything that had happened, her ability to walk more than ten steps had been severely compromised. Jeff was pushing her slowly, neither one of them too keen on facing Hackett. They were going to have to be debriefed, which was sure to be one step away from a panic attack for Kaya. And then, surely, Hackett was going to chew her out for _lying to a damn admiral. _He already found her annoying as it was.

So, Kaya had every motivation in the world to stick out her hand and grab the rail of the gangway, causing Jeff to slow. After spending all of that time in space, with literal windows to the stars – billions and billions of them, seeming close enough to touch – Kaya had forgotten how beautiful an atmosphere could be. Most of the sky was pale gold, fading to a green that reminded her of Jeff's eyes before settling on grey-blue above them. It was her favorite time of day, even if she usually slept in too late to see it, back when she had lived on Earth.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, love. It's just been a while since I've seen a sunrise." She took in a deep breath of cold Canadian air, and her exhale hung in a little cloud. Kaya found herself thinking how silly it was that she was wearing a baseball cap, instead of a warm knit hat. Her head was _freezing. _"Do we _have _to go to HQ?"

"I know _you _don't really work for the Alliance, but they still send me a nice paycheck every two weeks," Jeff laughed. "And I think we've reached the edge of how much we can piss them off without getting me discharged. Or thrown in the brig."

"Meh. We'll just go live in Shepard's spare room. Potentially following a prison break." _Oh shit. Shepard._

Jeff must have seen her tense up, because he asked with a chuckle, "You never messaged her back, did you?"

"Fu-uck," she groaned, leaning her head back to look at him. He was smirking in a particularly annoying way. _Yeah, laugh it up. She's pissed at you, too, pretty boy. _"How many times can I play the 'I almost died' card with Shepard?"

"I think you only get to use that once, seeing as Shepard can kind of trump it with _actually _dying and still having her shit together." He laughed at her grimace before adding, "Don't worry. I talked to her. I don't think she would be up for us unceremoniously crashing at her place just yet, but she also isn't considering murder anymore. So, we've got that going for us."

"Wait, nobody told you?" Vega said, walking up behind them. Kaidan had insisted that Vega tail them throughout the ordeal, just in case there was some other psychopathic asshole waiting in the wings. His tone had been concerned, but now there was some amusement playing at the corner of his lips.

"Son of a–" Kaya groaned. She pulled the brim of her cap down to her nose before explaining to Jeff, "She's in town."

"You think it's too late to steal the Normandy? James, you wanna go pirate?"

"Keep the court-martial to yourself, thanks," James said. "Come on. The sooner you face the music, the sooner you can go home."

Kaya frowned at that. If she really broke away from the Alliance today, she wouldn't _have _a home. Since arriving in this time, the Normandy had played that role. Now, where would she go? It was not something she had spent much time dwelling on. Kaya knew she could go crash with Kasumi or Liara. (Kaidan would _love _that.) Tali would be happy to take her in, too. But, none of those options gave her a place of her own. And Kaya was not anxious to jump right into working at the Academy, if that was where she was destined to end up.

The reality of the situation really seemed to set in now, and Kaya could feel her heart rate climbing. There had always been a plan. She had gone from St. Vincent's to Princeton to UCLA without skipping a beat. Then it was onto Mars, or at least that had been the intent. And, the whole time, the U.S. government had been at her back. She had never been without a mission before. Without a purpose.

Was she really going to throw away hers?

"Yes," Kaya sighed, not meaning to say it out loud. This was never her life, her purpose. Not the one she wanted, anyway. "Let's get this over with."

She saw Vega consider taking the chair from Jeff out of the corner of her eye, but he must have realized in time what a bad idea that would be. Jeff started pushing her chair down the ramp, and Kaya returned her eyes to the sky. She was trying not to think about what Kaidan had said, about clean up crews in Vancouver. She wanted to remember this city the way it was now, not how it had been right after the Reaper invasion.

"Blue, you okay? I know we've been joking about it, but they're not going to throw you in the brig," Vega tried to reassure her.

_Oh, thanks. I hadn't even been actively worried about that possibility. Ass._

"I stowed away on an Alliance warship and lied to an admiral about it. To his face."

"If they wanted to arrest you, they would have already done it," James said. "Also, can we just talk about how impressive it is that you managed to slip something by Hackett? I mean, damn, _chica_."

Kaya was unconvinced. She remembered the admirals and the Council bickering over her six months ago, like she was some shiny new toy. A telepath that could control other people. The powerful biotics were just a bonus. The Alliance did not know she was about to make good on the honorable discharge she _technically _received that day. When they found out, would they start fighting again to keep her under their command? Putting her in prison for a while to cool down seemed an awfully good way to do it. They sure as hell had a case.

"Why don't we get some coffee," Jeff suddenly said, as they hit the end of the docks. There was a small cafe up ahead. He must have seen the tension in her shoulders or the way she was picking at her cuticles, drawing blood. Kaya had not been able to eat anything before they disembarked. Actually, she had not eaten anything more than half a ration bar since being in the hospital, and she doubted her ability to choke down anything now.

But if it meant putting off whatever the hell awaited at H.Q., she would try.

* * *

><p>When they arrived late at Hackett's office, he was <em>not <em>pleased. Shepard was already sitting at the conference table, her mouth in a hard line. _Shit._ Kaidan raised an eyebrow at both Jeff and Vega, as if to ask where the hell they had been.

"Vega. Moreau," Hackett addressed them coldly. "Wait outside."

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

Kaya willed herself not to look at Jeff as he backed slowly away from her chair, pulling off her SR-2 cap as an afterthought. Seeing whatever worry was surely on his face would only make this worse. The boys saluted behind her and left, leaving a very uncomfortable silence as the door closed behind them. Kaya considered speaking, but _now _was not the time to break rank. And she _no _idea what to say.

Finally, Hackett walked out from behind his desk and started, "I hear you took down one of Blacklight's operatives."

A flash of red. A gun in her hand. _No. Not now. _Kaya thought back to her days in medical school. In particular, she remembered her training in the E.R. Calm down. Take care of the patient. Freak out later.

Of course, her _actual _training had involved more going to the bar and self-medicating, instead of dealing with her emotions in a remotely constructive way. But, that was a concern for another time.

"_Rogue_ Blacklight operative, Admiral," Kaya corrected. _Breathe. There you go. _"Nothing's ever simple. Do we have any idea how she got on board in the first place?"

"Blacklight had high-level Alliance intel," Kaidan supplied. "Rivers had full access to the Normandy's blueprints and access codes. Sometime after we left, she was able to fool our systems and dock a shuttle. Entered through an emergency maintenance hatch."

Kaya could hear the undertone of frustration in his voice. Getting over how much of an inside job this was would take time. At Hackett's prompting, she launched into the details. His voice had a hard edge, but nobody had yelled at her or tried to put her in restraints. So far, so good. She started talking about Rivers walking in. She explained that she was blocking short-range communication. And she had very clearly indicated that her action against Kaya was some sick, twisted personal vendetta.

Kaya shivered as she tried to describe what it had felt like, having her mind taken over. "I – I knew what was happening. I was aware. But, I was no longer in control. It was like looking through a virtual reality headset during a video game cut scene. Except I could still _feel _everything. She – she _helped _me up. And then we left the cargo–"

An image of two marines lying on the ground flashed into her mind, and Kaya froze. Jones and Nguyen. She had once brought them coffee, outside Shepard's apartment. They had talked about Princeton and playing violin. Kaya had meant to sneak down when April Jones was practicing in the cargo hold. Her parents had been so proud of her.

"Dr. Cole?"

Kaya looked up in shock. She had not processed this particular bit of horror, but now was not the appropriate time. Maybe it would make her more sympathetic, sure. However, if Kaya started dwelling on it now, she would break down. And they would be here longer. And she wanted so badly to bolt for the door.

"We know the rest," Kaidan said tersely. She looked up to realize he had moved to stand right next to her. When had that happened? "Admiral, with all due respect–"

"We can get the rest of the details from forensics and Flight Lieutenant Moreau. _Most_ of the details," Hackett said. Kaya was relieved to find that he understood, although he was hardly willing to let Kaya off the hook for everything that happened _before _her latest nightmare-fodder. "I need to know how you regained control, Dr. Cole."

"You make it sound like I did something," she said morosely. _Fuck, I was no hero. I know that much. _"The chip simply shorted out, sir. It was damaged the last time I attempted to use my biotics, and it appears to have been designed to turn off if there was risk of an overload. We just – if it had happened a moment later–"

_No. Don't even go there._

"Okay," Hackett said. The hard edge returned to his voice as he continued, "There's still the matter of your stowing away on an Alliance Navy frigate."

"Which I take full responsibility for," Kaya said. She almost laughed at how Shepard straightened up in surprise, but it would hardly be appropriate. "I put the whole crew at risk." _Of course, if _somebody _had just fucking told me earlier about the possible control chip in my skull–_

"If you were still technically under Alliance jurisdiction, I would court-martial you." _I know. I'm surprised you haven't tried anyway. _"And there are a number of civilian charges that could be brought against you." _Shit. _"However, as Major Alenko has pointed out, your presence aboard the Normandy probably saved a number of Alliance soldiers."

Kaya's head snapped up. What the hell was he talking about?

"It's possible she would have boarded the Normandy whether or not you were there," Kaidan explained. "But, if you weren't in that cargo hold, I never would have left a telepathic dampener on board. And, we believe it is unlikely Rivers would have slipped quietly back off the ship."

Kaya closed her eyes and grabbed at the bridge of her nose as she let that sink in.

"Given this fortunate turn of events, and the fact that you could not have been aware of the real danger–" _Bullshit. _"The Alliance will not press charges. However, your civilian contract has been terminated without severance pay. You are not to set foot aboard the Normandy or any Alliance vessel in the foreseeable future."

That stung a bit. Hell, that stung a lot. It was also extremely unexpected.

"You – you're letting me go?" Kaya asked, looking over to Hackett for the first time since she had entered the room. "I mean, you're actually firing me?"

"We would appreciate if you did not go running to the Council to take them up on their Spectre offer, of course," Hackett said. "And the Alliance would _appreciate _you putting distance between yourself and any Alliance enlisted." _What? No. Shit. That couldn't be an actual term. _"But, naturally, that is not something we can easily enforce. As it stands, the Alliance believes it best to create some distance from the _unfortunate events_ that occurred. Dragging you into a trial and potentially giving you incentive to blackmail them seems counterproductive."

Hand to God, Kaya felt a momentary _paternal _vibe off of Admiral Hackett. Hackett, who she had so royally pissed off _every _time they met. Who had really, really wanted her to just side with the Council and become a spectre. (Screw the fact that they were just doing it to get their hands on a telepath. It would have gotten Kaya out of his hair. And, even then, his own people's attitude toward Kaya had worried him from a purely ethical standpoint.) _Hackett _was being _nice._

The paternal vibe was directed more at Shepard, Kaya realized. This was a favor to the Commander. _But, still. _She let her lips twitch into the tiniest of smiles as she exchanged a look with Kaidan. His face said everything. She did not have to hear him think, _"Do you know how fucking lucky you are, kid?"_

Kaya finally found her tongue and looked back at Hackett. "I – thank you, sir. I do have a question, though." He raised his eyebrows expectantly, and she continued. "I was hoping to work at Grissom Academy some time in the near future. I think – I think I can really help the other children with telepathic abilities there."

Shepard and Kaidan were both surprised at that, although it was only Kaidan who let his face betray him. Hackett was caught between amusement at her boldness and pure distaste for the suggestion. Kaya did not exactly come across as the best role model.

"I believe someone arranged an unusually large amount of shore leave for your friend, Lieutenant Moreau," Hackett finally said. His face was still, but Kaya detected a smirk hiding under the surface. "I suggest you take some time off, and we can revisit your suggestion at a later date."

_Well, it wasn't a 'no.'_

"Now, I believe Captain Shepard wanted to speak to you in private," he said, gesturing to Kaidan and heading for the door.

_Oh, you son of a bitch._

She turned to glare at Kaidan as he walked through the door. He was trying very hard not to flash her a _haha I told you so _smile. Part of that was legitimate joy at how easily Kaya had gotten off. Part of it was not-so-legitimate amusement regarding the verbal lashing Kaya was about to receive.

When Kaya finally, ever-so-reluctantly turned to Shepard, she was on the receiving end of a withering look. She considered making a joke about being nice to the cripple, but that was unlikely to fly. _Jeff, you have to go just ruin everything for the rest of us._

She tried more extensively delving into Shepard's thoughts, hoping there would be a moment of reprieve. Maybe Shepard was just very convincingly fucking with her. Unfortunately, Shepard really _was _that pissed off. Kaya had snuck behind her back, recruiting Jeff to do it. It was just like Palaven – right down to her reckless endangerment of, well, everyone – and that was what stung. Shepard had been under the impression that Kaya was becoming _less _of a danger to herself and others, and the fear inspired by seeing the opposite turned to anger.

Maybe Kaya was simply delving too far in, letting her intimate understanding of Shepard's emotions cloud her own. But, she found herself growing angry and shouting into the minutes-long silence between them. "For fuck's sake, Shepard! It's not like you've never skirted a regulation or two with regards to the Normandy before! We learned from the best!"

Shepard walked out from behind the conference table in a few quick strides and loomed over Kaya. She jabbed her in the chest with a pointed finger. _Ow. _"_I _bend the rules sometimes when I fucking have to. When there are lives on the line. _You _shattered them, just to prove you could."

"Bullshit! You're telling me you would have just happily sat planet-side while your crew went off to face Saren? The Collector Base? Earth? Shepard–"

"This doesn't even compare–"

"For me it does, okay?" Kaya shouted, feeling her entire body vibrate. It was a good thing she no longer had a functioning biotic implant. But she had to make Shepard _understand. _"These were the people who fucking ordered me tortured. Maybe. Probably. Who the fuck knows, anymore? But they went after other kids like me, trying to turn them into weapons because _I _have these unspeakable powers that could turn the tide of a million wars. Who made my _best friend _shoot me in the back. If we were taking the fight to them, I was going. Maybe it wasn't the whole fucking galaxy on the line, but it was _my _world. _My _people. And I was scared shitless for them, heading down to that forgotten colony. If Rivers had gone after them instead– If those dampeners hadn't worked–"

For the first time in a very long time, one of Kaya's nightmares last night had been an original production. In which all of her friends turned on each other under Rivers' control. She had been attempting to shake the images from her mind all morning, but they now came flooding back. She had too much field experience, actual and borrowed from the minds of others. The images were vivid and gruesome, like her mind had turned the whole torrid affair into a game. _The 'let's see how fucked up we are' game. Oh, yep, pretty fucking fucked up._

She was on the verge of hyperventilating, and Shepard had stood back a bit. Kaya tried to breathe, damn it, and remember her exercises. Focus on the room. Find a calmer mind. Ha. The only other people in range were Vega, Kaidan, and Jeff. Hackett's office must have been soundproofed, so they all stood tersely on the other side of the door wondering what the hell was taking so long. Kaya focused on Vega, the only one who still managed to be a little bit amused.

_Fucking hilarious, asshole._

Kaya focused her attention back on the room, and Shepard had stepped away further. She was leaning back on the conference table, studying her former lieutenant. Kaya realized that _something _in that rant had stuck.

_My world. My people. And I was scared shitless for them._

"I'd tell you to promise me never to do that again," Shepard said quietly. "But you've made and broken that promise once before."

And there it was, just hanging out in the center of the room between them. Shepard had never _actually _said it out loud. Kaya supposed she still _technically _hadn't. But, it was there.

_You lied to me. You took advantage of my trust, and you threw it out the window when it was convenient._

Kaya thought of a whole host of things to say, but she choked them all down. There was the fact that she had _genuinely _considered telling Shepard, before realizing what an awful position that put the Commander in. There was the quip that sprung to mind. _So, you gonna tell me to break up with Jeff now? Because that's how this conversation ended last time. _There was a lot more angry screaming and yelling.

None of it fit.

Instead she settled on a hollow, "I know."

And, much to Kaya's surprise, Shepard sighed. It was not a sigh of exasperation. Or of disappointment. It was a sigh of sorrow and pain. For all of the broken promises between them, Shepard _understood. _She understood the desire to do reckless things, to put your own life on the line – to maybe put _everyone's _life on the line – to protect people she cared about. She understood that the only thing that held her back, more often than not, were lessons learned at the villa. The consequences of reckless mistakes, measured in body counts.

Kaya's lessons had been of a far different sort. The Magellan. Marcus. Cerberus boarding the Normandy. What happened at Grissom Academy. The fight always came to her, no matter how badly she just wanted the _normal life_ that was completely unattainable at this point. The life that had been out of reach since she was twelve years old. And, every time, it was only by risking everything that anyone made it out alive.

And Shepard understood.

"What you said," she started quietly. "In the hospital. I'm not entirely sure I believe it. But, the reason _why _you said it. You wanted me to stop blaming myself–"

"Well, yeah–"

"Let me finish, please, Kaya," she gently chided. "For all your reckless stunts, you're always looking out for my crew. Vega. Jeff. Kaidan. Even me. But, you never let us look out for you. You keep trying to barrel forward, all on your own. I know what that's like. I know what it feels like to be running full speed away from everyone, terrified of the monsters that will catch you if you slow."

Kaya let that sink in. Her chest was starting to ache, in that way that could mean falling in love or a broken heart. Kaya was never sure which. She hated admitting Shepard might be right.

"So, if I can't secure a promise from you that this won't ever happen again, can I at least get a straightforward answer to a request?" Shepard asked. She crouched down, bringing her face level with Kaya's, and put a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Will you let us in this time around?"

_You have no idea how hard I've been trying. But, that's not going to cut it anymore, is it?_

Kaya nodded, swallowing at the lump in her throat. Shepard looked her directly in the eyes, her piercing appraisal unflinching.

"Come on. You're not allowed aboard the Normandy anymore, and you need a ride home."

"I don't have a home, Shepard." The realization had solidified in Hackett's office, but it still stung.

Shepard rolled her eyes and threw up her hands in exasperation. "Kaya. Don't be an idiot. Come on. Garrus and I need someone to watch the kids so we can go on an _actual _date. The kind that doesn't get interrupted by gunfire."

She moved behind Kaya's wheelchair and started pushing. When the door opened, Kaidan and Vega jumped back. What? Had they been trying to listen through the door or something? Jeff raised a bemused eyebrow at the smile plastered across Kaya's face. Kaidan had already told them about how easily Kaya – and Jeff and Kasumi, too – had gotten off. But the trio certainly had not expected the two women to leave the room amicably.

Kaya almost laughed. Instead, she reached for Jeff's hand. "Let's go _home_."

* * *

><p><em>And that's a wrap! I have to say, this is the first piece of long-form fiction I've ever legitimately finished, and I hope you all enjoyed reading it. Let me know what you thought, as I'm quite open to constructive criticism. And thanks for reading!<em>


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